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    alannaxxbby's Avatar
    alannaxxbby Posts: 28, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #1

    Feb 25, 2008, 06:21 PM
    I need to know what to do or how to save my relationship. =/
    My situation is complicated. I just hope someone has the time to sit down read all this and give me a real answer that will help my relationship. Ill tell you our whole relationship story. Its kind of crazy but I really hope someone can help! I was with a guy for 9 months. He put me through a lot (cheated, lied, broke my heart). I went on a vacation to Arizona. I rode a greyhound bus there. It was a 3 day trip on a bus. I met a guy on the bus, and we really hit it off. When I noticed him I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was gorgeous! I got off in Phoenix, he lived an hour away from Phoenix. He gave me his number and said hed show me around Arizona cause I was moving there soon and to call him at 9 that night. I couldn't really get ahold of him at 9 cause I was busy just getting there and settleing in. I texted him around midnight, but he was already asleep and he texted me in the morning. He was so happy to hear from me. I explained to him I had a boyfriend, but we still talked. A few days later my boyfriend at the time became real distant. I talked to him and told him it bothered me. He told me he wanted a break and he still wanted to be friends he just wanted to get his life together and try again after that. We had a lot of problems. We broke up a lot but always ended up back together, but this time I knew it was for real. I soon found out he was with another girl and she's pregnant. He was with her the whole time I was on vacation. The guy I met on the bus and I started talking all day and all night. I left Arizona to come back home. We have been together now for 8 months with him being in Arizona and me being in Missouri. When my mom first found out about him she wanted me to have NOTHING to do with him, and did everything to keep me away from him. When I have my mind set on something nobody can change my mind or take that away from me. About 6 months into our relationship we got in a fight, he called me and left a voicemail on my phone saying "yeah I cheated on you your a bad girlfriend anyways I cheated on you with 2 girls in the same night." That hurt me more than ANYTHING. I had became so close to him within that 6 months and fell so in love with him all over the phone, he had made me feel so amazing and so wanted and so happy! I forgave him, because I know everyone makes mistakes, and I love him. About a month ago he moved here to be with me. I knew then he was the person I wanted to spent the rest of my life with. I really loved him, but I just realized I could be wrong. I know relationships have their ups and downs, but it seems we have more downs than anything now. We fight over every little thing and it turns into a big fight that could go on for days, and sometimes we break up over it. I have lied to him, over 4 months ago. Nothing big. I never cheated on him. I did coke once, and lied to him about it. Always little things. Like who I was hanging out with and stupid things like that. I made a promise to him Id never lie to him again, and I haven't. I brought up something that happened when we first started talking, about him supposivly talking to another girl, but he turned it around on me and said I went 3 hours ignoring him one night I was out partying. I don't remember it but he says I did. This was about a week ago. He broke up with me, and I wouldn't take him back. He cried to me and begged me and I eventually did, but since that day its been nothing but us fighting and aruging. He wants me to move out and go live with him. To be honest I don't want to. He lives 30 minutes away from me. I just started getting my life together, got a job and am back in school. All I know he could be cheating on me. I looked at his phone records today. Im the only person he talks to. So I trust him a little more, but he's a jerk to me. If I do anything wrong he flips out and it goes on forever. But I love him I don't want to let him go. We fight and argue he always throws the past in my face. He says its all me but when we fight and I give up he says he knows its him. He has a lot of trust issues, but I've tried to get him to believe what I tell him and he still don't believe me. Its frusterating especially when Im telling him the truth. What can I do or say to him to make our relationship stronger and have him let go of our past? Ive tried to start over and it don't work. He still brings up our past. I don't know what to do. :(
    jolienoire's Avatar
    jolienoire Posts: 917, Reputation: 166
    Senior Member
     
    #2

    Feb 25, 2008, 06:50 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by alannaxxbby
    My situation is complicated. I just hope someone has the time to sit down read all this and give me a real answer that will help my relationship. Ill tell you our whole relationship story. Its kind of crazy but I really hope someone can help! I was with a guy for 9 months. He put me through alot (cheated, lied, broke my heart). I went on a vacation to Arizona. I rode a greyhound bus there. It was a 3 day trip on a bus. I met a guy on the bus, and we really hit it off. When I noticed him I couldnt take my eyes off him. He was gorgeous! I got off in Phoenix, he lived an hour away from Phoenix. He gave me his number and said hed show me around Arizona cause I was moving there soon and to call him at 9 that night. I couldn't really get ahold of him at 9 cause I was busy just getting there and settleing in. I texted him around midnight, but he was already asleep and he texted me in the morning. He was so happy to hear from me. I explained to him I had a boyfriend, but we still talked. A few days later my boyfriend at the time became real distant. I talked to him and told him it bothered me. He told me he wanted a break and he still wanted to be friends he just wanted to get his life together and try again after that. We had alot of problems. We broke up alot but always ended up back together, but this time I knew it was for real. I soon found out he was with another girl and shes pregnant. He was with her the whole time I was on vacation. The guy I met on the bus and I started talking all day and all night. I left Arizona to come back home. We have been together now for 8 months with him being in Arizona and me being in Missouri. When my mom first found out about him she wanted me to have NOTHING to do with him, and did everything to keep me away from him. When I have my mind set on somthing nobody can change my mind or take that away from me. About 6 months into our relationship we got in a fight, he called me and left a voicemail on my phone saying "yeah I cheated on you your a bad girlfriend anyways I cheated on you with 2 girls in the same night." That hurt me more than ANYTHING. I had became so close to him within that 6 months and fell so in love with him all over the phone, he had made me feel so amazing and so wanted and so happy! I forgave him, because I know everyone makes mistakes, and I love him. About a month ago he moved here to be with me. I knew then he was the person I wanted to spent the rest of my life with. I really loved him, but I just realized I could be wrong. I know relationships have their ups and downs, but it seems we have more downs than anything now. We fight over every little thing and it turns into a big fight that could go on for days, and sometimes we break up over it. I have lied to him, over 4 months ago. Nothing big. I never cheated on him. I did coke once, and lied to him about it. Always little things. Like who I was hanging out with and stupid things like that. I made a promise to him Id never lie to him again, and I havent. I brought up somthing that happened when we first started talking, about him supposivly talking to another girl, but he turned it around on me and said I went 3 hours ignoring him one night I was out partying. I dont remember it but he says I did. This was about a week ago. He broke up with me, and I wouldnt take him back. He cried to me and begged me and I eventually did, but since that day its been nothing but us fighting and aruging. He wants me to move out and go live with him. To be honest I dont want to. He lives 30 minutes away from me. I just started getting my life together, got a job and am back in school. all I know he could be cheating on me. I looked at his phone records today. Im the only person he talks to. So I trust him alittle more, but hes a jerk to me. If I do anything wrong he flips out and it goes on forever. But I love him I dont wanna let him go. We fight and argue he always throws the past in my face. He says its all me but when we fight and I give up he says he knows its him. He has alot of trust issues, but ive tried to get him to believe what I tell him and he still dont believe me. Its frusterating especially when Im telling him the truth. What can I do or say to him to make our relationship stronger and have him let go of our past? Ive tried to start over and it dont work. He still brings up our past. I dont know what to do. :(


    Well I definitely know what your going through, but you need to ask yourself is this a healthy relationship? Obviously it's not the arguing, the fighting the mistrust.. Is that what you want? This relationship is not healthy at all.. I want you to read something and tell me how you feel after you read it https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-187766.html... Love yourself enough to know when it's over...
    alannaxxbby's Avatar
    alannaxxbby Posts: 28, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #3

    Feb 25, 2008, 06:56 PM
    Wow! That stuff was all very true. Thank you! It helps reading something that relates to what were going through. He just called and started trippin on me again. He thinks I'm plaing him and everything. I looked at his call log online and the people he has texted and because I found nothing he thinks he has proved everything to me and is like what have you proved in this relationship. I told him I was sick of his b.s and to just leave me alone. He said F U and I hung up. Idk what to do. I love who he can be but I don't love the person he really is.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
    Uber Member
     
    #4

    Feb 25, 2008, 06:59 PM
    Is this the guy from your other post, your fiancé?
    alannaxxbby's Avatar
    alannaxxbby Posts: 28, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #5

    Feb 25, 2008, 07:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by shygrneyzs
    Is this the guy from your other post, your fiance?
    Lol yes.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
    Uber Member
     
    #6

    Feb 25, 2008, 07:08 PM
    My advice is to get on with your life - without him. You both have issues that you need to work on. Trust, honesty, jealousy, illicit behavior (drugs), cheating, anger, maladaptive behavior all the way around.

    You need a clear head. You are back in school and trying to get on the right track. Stay there! You two have a bad history and not likely to improve if you two stay together. Unless you both would get into counseling - separately and as a couple.
    alannaxxbby's Avatar
    alannaxxbby Posts: 28, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #7

    Feb 25, 2008, 07:13 PM
    Thank you! Really. Weird I was acutally googling things for myspace and came across this site. Never knew something could have so much advice and help. Thank you all!
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
    Uber Member
     
    #8

    Feb 25, 2008, 07:38 PM
    I do wish you the best of emotional health. Honestly. I read all your posts relating to this relationship and cannot help but feel you really need to be in your own space right now. Without this guy and his dramatic history and the history you two have createdd. No one can live with that kind of stress for an indefinite period without "losing it."

    You have a goal of completing college. Staying on your job. Once done with college, getting a better job. Give yourself some time to find a guy who you can establish a healthy relationship with. I'll bring the counseling up again - it would be good for you. So you can identify your own patterns of self destruction and how to enable the correct behaviors.

    Drop this guy - not all love is good love. This relationship proves it. Good luck to you.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #9

    Feb 25, 2008, 09:24 PM
    I have to say this is one dysfuntional relationship. Get out while you can, because you both are making each other miserable, and for al the intense feellings, this is NOT love. It may have been good at one time, but sure isn't now. Good luck.
    alannaxxbby's Avatar
    alannaxxbby Posts: 28, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #10

    Feb 26, 2008, 09:26 PM
    Thanks. We've been broke up for a day. Its harder than I thought. But he broke his phone so we can't really talk anyway. But I do love him & always will. The person he can be makes me love him so much. The person he is other times makes me absolutely hate him, but were... for now or for good. Hopefully for the best. Thanks guys!

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