[talaniman]

Love yourself.

So I do all this typing for nothing?

Seriously, your right!

[dancerwriter]

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.

Thank you so much. I'm trying to completely let go of someone who has been pulling me along on a string, wants to date other women, but doesn't want to give me up.
I guess the hardest part is thinking that me leaving him probably won't affect him that much. How could it if he was willing to knowingly jeopardize the relationship?
I know that shouldn't be my focus right now, but it is the focus of my ego.
Should I email him and tell him never contact me again, or just not answer his emails and phone calls?

[COOKIE MONSTER]

Don't Awnser His Calls Or Emails He's A Using B**t**d AND DON'T EMAIL HIM OR CALL HIM AT ALL

[dancerwriter]

Do you think he'll even care even I never speak to him again? Right now he's away at a dance festival that he had originally asked me to, but then lied and said there were no more tix.
When he found out I knew he lied, he got all flustured and said he wants to go away with me sometime, and see me the next day, etc. then after major questioning, he admitted he wants to date other women, but is not looking for another lover. He's there right now without me, I'm sure not even thinking about me.
He always says he would be "sad" if we weren't friends anymore and has never wanted to cut things off completely with me. Why not if he doesn't love me?
I'm sure he thinks I'll be here waiting for him when he gets back, just like usual.
Do you think he'll care and be upset if I'm not there for him at all?

[dancerwriter]

It's also hard to admit that someone who I've made my life and been there for thick and thin has no feelings for me.
How can that be?
Am I that delusional?
What was all that?

[talaniman]

dancerwriter, it's also hard to admit that someone who I've made my life and been there for thick and thin has no feelings for me.

His feelings aren't enough to sustain a relationship with you.

how can that be?

people grow and change, we all do.

am i that delusional?
what was all that?

No just caught up in the middle of those growing pains, that we all go thru. Painful? Yes!! The end of the world? No far from it. You just have to learn to cope with your feelings and deal with life on it's own terms.

[dancerwriter]

To tell you the truth, these posts are helping me a lot tonight. I've been wanting to leave him for so long because of his not wanting to commit, but haven't felt strong enuf to. For some reason, I feel responsible when I start sleeping with someone and find it hard to leave, and I had a major crush on him from the start.
I guess I just don't want to go through the initial loneliness and giving up. esp. when I think he doesn't care at all and doesn't feel the same way. It's humiliating.

[nickshehe]

It's hard and it sucks.. It's only been a month in my break up and I've slept with three girls,gone on several dates,been staying with friends the whole month so I don't think about things- but I still do.. I don't like being alone, I want to be with her, but I can't.
When "they" don't want us anymore we shouldn't sniff around and hope and plead, we stop talking to them but we hope that they do.. and it doesn't make sense how they could change, but they did.. and there are two things you can do. You either drain your brain with trying to find the logic behind his/her decisions. Or you say "right..something went wrong, what did I do wrong in this, what can I learn from it" - and you move on.
It shouldn't matter whether he cares or not.. its in the back of my head as well thinking "it would be great if a month later she calls me up in tears and says shes sorry and she regrets everything e.t.c".. but the raw reality of things shows that this happens to 2% of us..

--to add to this, though I love her and want to be with her I wouldn't allow myself to take her back. She's been a b*tch to me and incredibly immature during our break up.. and to be honest she doesn't deserve a second chance after the way I've been treated.

[COOKIE MONSTER]

Don't bother trying to get him\her back they are not f**king worth it
They are just wasting the time we could be spending with are mr\mrs right

Forget them and move on

[Destro3000]

What if the person you broke up with IS Mr/Mrs right. Is it really better to just move on? A little hope is never a bad thing

[dancerwriter]

Well, day 7 in my no contact with him. He's called once and left an email, both which I didn't respond to. Last night was hard because we take this swing dance class together, which I love, and I didn't go. I love dancing with him. We have fun. It's romantic.
I miss him. But I know that going back, it'll be the same pain, different day.
The saying, "if you love someone set them free, they'll come back if it's meant to be" , something like that.

[talaniman]

What if the person you broke up with IS Mr/Mrs right. Is it really better to just move on? a little hope is never a bad thing

What if they aren't, and your spinning your wheels wasting time, when you could be out there for the real Mr/Miss Right. The point is you never know what tomorrow brings, but you do know that you want to be happy, and healthy, so at least when that person shows up, they will be attracted to your positive, and not see a sad pathetic person, who is waiting for permission to be in someone's life, who has dumped them already. :eek:

[COOKIE MONSTER]

I've been told you have if woman 3 great men in your life and if you're a man then 3 great women
Weather this is true or not I don't know but its nice to think it is true

If he was sooo bothered about you dancerwriter then he wouldn't of asked you to go to a concert then lie and tell you their was no tickets left
I think he just wants you to be his fall back when he can't get it no were else he'll come sniffing round you to see what he can get then if you won't give in he'll spin you the I love you crap so he can get what he wants then leave it a day after you give him what he wants and give you we shouldn't of done that crap

You really need to forget about him he's just giving you a load of bull s**t lines to get what he want but [how many other girls is he giving this bull to] if I was you if you didn't use any protection id get myself checked you don't know how many girls he's been sleeping with

[jolienoire]

In the end it's not what he/she say or promise, its about their actions. I have learned from my experience that thinking too much about tomorrow, and the future you loose sight of the present TODAY.. Basically the only thing we can do about tomorrow is to begin preparations TODAY. By taking it one day at a time. Sometimes we shouldn't ask 'How can I find the right woman/man for me?' We shouldn't, worry about finding the right woman/man but concentrate on becoming the right man/woman.

[taghreeed]

Thanks for the great advice... but so many people thinking of the revenge first in that case... but I think the greatest revenge is to ignore them and improve yourself..

[stellarwolf]

It's hard and it sucks..It's only been a month in my break up and I've slept with three girls,gone on several dates,been staying with friends the whole month so I dont think about things- but I still do..I dont like being alone, I want to be with her, but I can't.
When "they" don't want us anymore we shouldn't sniff around and hope and plead, we stop talking to them but we hope that they do..and it doesn't make sense how they could change, but they did..and there are two things you can do. You either drain your brain with trying to find the logic behind his/her decisions. Or you say "right..something went wrong, what did I do wrong in this, what can I learn from it" - and you move on.
It shouldnt matter whether he cares or not..its in the back of my head as well thinking "it would be great if a month later she calls me up in tears and says shes sorry and she regrets everything e.t.c"..but the raw reality of things shows that this happens to 2% of us..

--to add to this, though I love her and want to be with her I wouldn't allow my self to take her back. She's been a b*tch to me and incredibly immature during our break up..and to be honest she doesn't deserve a second chance after the way I've been treated.

I feel you on this one brother, you need to step back from the situation evaluate what caused the break up and move on from it. When someone says they need time to see what they want , u need to try and give them space. It is hard to just stop evrything and try and forget about it , but sometimes that's life and you have to grow with change and hope everything will be allright in the end

[nickshehe]

We should transform this forum into a dating service that would be awesome me thinks :]
Tal's probably going to be the most desirable bachelor though

[talaniman]

tal's probably going to be the most desirable bachelor though

Thanks for the very kind words, but I have to ask my wife how eligible I am.

[dancerwriter]

Hey tal, what brought you to this website and what sustains you being here? Just curious.

[talaniman]

Love the people, and I came here with a question, and just stayed. I got hooked. Honestly those PM's thanking me for being able to help make my day.