[CaribMan]

Just to let you know I put this on my pda phone so eveytime I'm bored at work and think of her I whip out ma phone and read this page... I still think of her but your post helps to calm me down to a degree that I feel better about myself

[jolienoire]

just to let you know i put this on my pda phone so eveytime im bored at work and think of her i whip out ma phone and read this page ...i still think of her but your post helps to calm me down to a degree that i feel better about myself

Good for you... glad that I can help someone... she may have been your first true love but she definitely won't be your last romance...

[COOKIE MONSTER]

I think your post will help a lot of people I wish id red it years ago,I tryd to win afew people back,back then but it didn't work and I'm glad because it wouldn't of worked anyway. I've found areally nice fella he's great with me and mykids,I thort id never meet anyone being asingle mum with 2kids its hard to get out and meet people so I joined adating site it started as abit of fun to pass the time chattin to people,then I started chattin to myfella we've everythin in common we never watch TV lol except the football but most of the time we sit up talking allnite,he takes me out for dinner and spoils the kids but he fills the hole in myheart and makes me feel complete IT WAS WELL WORTH ALL THE HEARTACHE N PAIN IVE BEEN THROUGH OVER THE YEARS JUST TO GET TO HIM

[jolienoire]

I had to post this question as I find it astonishing that many people want to get back with there ex regardless of how it ended. Besides the answer "because I love him/her" because unfortanetly love isn't enough to hold a relationship together as we already discovered this. Love is only one ingredient and unfortanetly has no warranties, guarantees, or return policies. So if you can list one thing that you will absolutely miss from your ex and why you feel so inclined to have them back into your life after they disappeared and left you in the cold. If you are the one who did the leaving. How did you feel when you left?



After you post your answer think about what you wrote, review others reponses, and ask yourself can I not find these qualities in someone else?

I think for some who won't willingly admit that they really only want their ex back because of selfishness, There is a saying I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you, therefore they hang on to a relationship that is unhealthy for them because they fear the partner might just be happy with someone else and they just can't hack that, therefore they keep contacting you, and wanting updates on your life, only to put you at fault for moving on...

So feel free to post your answers I would really like to hear it..

[bonbo]

I more or less just answered this question in my most recent post in 'does this guy have a personality disorder or what?'

I'm still not sure if he broke up with me or if I broke up with him, but I DO know I felt very frustrated and at my rope's end when I told him I wanted to end the relationship.

After a few weeks of not having him in my life, I wonder if I really explored all of my options before I just pulled out and walked away... I wonder if I acted too hastily, out of sheer frustration... I wonder if I've made a mistake, and have possibly lost something that did have potential...

[Scleros]

So if you can list one thing that you will absolutely miss from your ex...

The effortless conversation. Her scent. Her ability to surprise.

why you feel so inclined to have them back into your life

Forgiveness. Understanding - mistake? Peace of mind.

If you are the one who did the leaving. How did you feel when you left?

Relieved, burden lifted while simultaneously very sad, physically sick, depressed, gutted, empty, guilty, dead.

...not find these qualities in someone else?

Perhaps, but how, where, and have I the energy to sift through 999,999 to find one?

[jolienoire]

I more or less just answered this question in my most recent post in 'does this guy have a personality disorder or what?'

I'm still not sure if he broke up with me or if I broke up with him, but I DO know I felt very frustrated and at my rope's end when I told him I wanted to end the relationship.

After a few weeks of not having him in my life, I wonder if I really explored all of my options before I just pulled out and walked away...I wonder if I acted too hastily, out of sheer frustration...I wonder if I've made a mistake, and have possibly lost something that did have potential...

I just read your other post, and I know how you must be feeling, I think you still have that question "what if" because your breakup didn't really have any closure, as you stated you had no idea who broke up with who, and the way it was done was hastily because of your frustration, so you regret the break up, its totally understandable, but understand that one day if he continues, you will get so fed up and tired that you will have the closure you need, that eye opener that this is not going to work... and you will leave the relationship and be comfortable with your decision... In the end no one can advice you what path to take as you know your partner better than us all, and I am pretty sure if he was on this forum telling his side perhaps he could have seen a different you, than you care to share because of course we always like to think we do everything right all the time...

Maybe when he cooks for you the next time, sneak behind him and hug him or kiss him show him you appreciate him. Perhaps instead of waiting for him to make a move, you make the move, maybe he seems distant to you because you are not inititating sometimes, stroke his ego every now and again when he does something... Men like attention too! Don't always wait on him to make a move.. Maybe you do this already and I don't know then disregard this comment but if you don't see how that helps your relationship...

[in a state]

-So if you can list one thing that you will absolutely miss from your ex...

His excellent,fine taste in everything... his sensuality.
If he knew a thing or two about respect,then he could become a gentleman
The rhythm,the music he made my soul create,listen and dance to.I felt close to God when I was close to him,when we were close.I swear.this is the best memory of my life and I don't believe there is anything that could compare.and I don't believe there is anyone who could take my spirit
Even higher.
Dad thinks I've been brainwashing myself,I am sick and I need help.I think he's never experienced Happiness which leads me to believe that what I had is,indeed,rare

I miss feeling close to God.

[Destro3000]

This is a really nice post, it resumes quite well what everyone has been telling me about my heartache as of late. Unfortunately, not all of us are able to a) let go and move on and b) think of ourselves first.

I was told to be brave and work on myself, and it isn't really helping. I fear the love of my life is gone forever and I can't quite get myself to let go.

But I have all the respect and admiration in the world for those of you who can.

Thank you for the post.

[jolienoire]

I fear the love of my life is gone forever and i can't quite get myself to let go.

We all have that fear but the reality is that if you LOVE them and truly LOVE them, I know what I will say may sound cliché, but when you truly love someone you want them to be happy.. That includes and should include with or without us... Unconditional love, accepting their decision to not be with us is an unconditional attribute..

I know we get selfish because we want to be the only ones that can make them happy but the reality is that if we are not making them happy, and they feel they are much happier than without us, we MUST let go..

It hurts of course but.. it is apart of life it's inevitable we all must face some disappointments and let downs at some point, that's why it's learning. It makes us stronger prepare us for the road ahead.. This could be the best thing that happened to you.. You got to love a great person, it just wasn't meant to be... If you allowed yourself to love you already gained something..

[Delow84]

We all have that fear but the reality is that if you LOVE them and truly LOVE them, I know what I will say may sound cliche, but when you truly love someone you want them to be happy.. That includes and should include with or without us... Unconditional love, accepting their decision to not be with us is an unconditional attribute..

I know we get selfish because we want to be the only ones that can make them happy but the reality is that if we are not making them happy, and they feel they are much happier than without us, we MUST let go..

It hurts of course but.. it is apart of life it's inevitable we all must face some disappointments and let downs at some point, thats why it's learning. It makes us stronger prepare us for the road ahead.. This could be the best thing that happened to you.. You got to love a great person, it just wasn't meant to be... If you allowed yourself to love you already gained something..

Beautifully said Jolienoire. I can understand. I feel like I may never love again and all that, I loved my ex good and bad. But I would rather her be happy with someone else, then miserable with me. Even if it makes me miserable to be without her.

A quote from one of my favorite movies "Vanilla Sky"
"The sweet isnt as sweet, until you've experienced the sour."

[sovaira]

This was awesome diary ,that tells the story of evryone out here ,everyoone among us has been through... lovely type up (write up)

[losingit77]

On a particular sad day today, Day 1 officially of breakup, this really really helped. Think I'll be reading this everyday for a while now to remind just how awesome I am.

[jolienoire]

On a particular sad day today, Day 1 officially of breakup, this really really helped. Think I'll be reading this everyday for a while now to remind just how awesome I am.

You are awesome allowing yourself to love another uncondtionally explains a lot about your character, some people never have the oppurtunity to love like this.. To truly know what it means to love, and be loved.. You experienced it, you have changed someone's life whether you like to believe it or not and to be able to say those THREE words and mean it, are truly special... I hope that each day would get better for you, and who knows you can reconnect again at some point later in life, just don't make any hasty moves to destroy that give the space they ask for. I know I am with an ex 10 years later... I would have never in a million years would have imagined us to be together again.. but here we are whether we make it or not for another 10 years I am so thankful to love him again... We were able to rekindle our old flame because of the way we left each other...

[blacksinz]

Nice post. Wan print it for when Im feeling down. Hehe

[nickshehe]

I just treat my situation in a manner where I still love my ex (for who she was) but not who she is now.. I still love HerName version 1.. But now HerName version 2 has taken over..
I see them as two completely different people..
Is that weird? :/

P.S: she died her hair shortly after dumping me so its kind of easier to envision them as two different people anyway.. I've never talked to red haired HerName

[jolienoire]

I see them as two completely different people..
Is that weird? :/

Absolutely not, if that is helping you to get over her.. Everyone has their own way of getting over someone.

[chuff]

I would add to this, you have to "practice the fundamentals" and always make it fun and challenging. Once you let the relationship become stale it dies and you are probably to far in to see it coming. You must see what is going on with your logical mind and steer it and not the let the emotional one cloud it or make decisions for you.

[Jokerchic700]

You're jesus, ha.

[greenlake]

Awesome stuff, great post. I've read a lot of this kind of thing recently, and I'm starting to realise that it all gets back to one single phrase. All the advice you need, in two words.

Love yourself.

It's all there.