[shellyjo68]

My husband is not mean or nasty, he never berates or belittles me in fact he thinks I am better than what I am! The problem is he has low self esteem and thinks that I could be interested in someone else or that other men want me. This has ruined many good times for us. For example; I was helping bartend at a fund raising event. It is a narrow work area and it is common to let the 2nd bartender know you are behind him. It was very loud so instead of screaming the 1st bartender would reach out and put his hand on my shoulder to let me know he was passing by. My husband took it as the bartender making moves on me.

The problem is compounded by the fact that we live in a small town. My husband works side by side his ex-wife (No big deal in my book) and I am friends with my ex mother in law. But according to my husband I should not go into her house because my ex husband could be there and he will want me back.

Now we are dealing with the fact that my boyfriend from 20+ years ago his parents (our neighbors and go to our church) have been in a serious car accident. In my opinion we are required to be there for the Parents which is fine with my husband as long as I don't talk to the ex boyfriend---because he will want me back.

[s_cianci]

Not to play devil's advocate here, but something about your post makes me think that there's more to the story then you've told us. For example, why would your husband feel the need to be jealous of a boyfriend from 20 years ago? Isn't this ex-boyfriend married with kids of his own by now? Why on earth does your husband fear that he would "want you back?" And just why are you so friendly with your ex mother-in-law? This is not a woman roughly your own age, mind you, but someone literally old enough to be your mother. And hasn't your ex-husband moved on by now? Why does your husband fear him wanting you back? Of course, by the same token, one also has to question why your husband is still working beside his ex-wife. Simply living in a "small town" doesn't lend itself to such irregularities. The point I'm trying to make is that maybe your husband has cause to be concerned. While I don't advocate blind irrational jealousy I can't help but wonder if maybe you need to present your husband with a little more reassurance of his place in your life. I don't think you're purposely trying to ditch your husband but maybe your approach to your marriage is a bit cavalier. Just something to think about.

[Mr_am]

I agree with s_cianci. You have to reassure your husband by all means.

[shellyjo68]

In regards to my husband working next to his X. There is little opportunity for good employment in this area and the jobs they have are excellent. I work for an organization that aids persons in need and deal with underemployment on a daily basis. Many people are struggling with heat bills and power bills that exceed their montly income this winter.

About the ex mother-in-law--She is a good friend of my mother's and we have a lot of common friends that put us in common social situations. I should stress that I/we do not attend social events at her home. I was simply using that as an example of something my husband had expressed--not going to her house. I would also like to point out that I have no desire to socialize with my ex-husband. He is an X for a reason! But if I do run into him publicly I refuse to be a raging, rude B*^$h. That is not me.

As for the boyfriend of 20+ years ago... THAT WAS HIGH SCHOOL. My question is 'Why would he be jealous of that relationship?' The man live 4 hours away with his third or fourth wife and has a whole herd of children! My husband does not know him and I can not recall the last time I ran into him. As for his family--we grew up in the same neighborhood then I got a great deal on a house in that neighborhood when I left my first husband. The kind of deal you do not turn down. Since I have had a drivers license I have run errands for XBF's mom (she has never driven and dad used to be out of town for work a lot), taken care of their pets and we attend the same church. My husband has even gone over there to help with a cat situation.

[topladyj]

Okay my boyfriend of 4 years working in a bar/pub. Well It does get pretty hands on and I totally agree with your husband. Even though you may just be letting another bartender know you are there. Maybe find a new way of doing it. I am sure he feels this way the same reason I do. Because I don't like my boyfriend working in a scummy little bar where all the waitresses flirt with the cooks and bartenders and so on. It's just not a good atmosphere yeah I am sure it is fun to work there... And he really should back down or get another job too. I would hate the fact that he works right next to his ex. So tell him to keep it on the low down. Or maybe he still has feelings for her and is afraid you are going to develop feeling for someone at your work. But most importanly love is the best thing ever and if you both are in love nothing else will matter. Good luck on the situations.

[shellyjo68]

The bartending thing was like a 20 minute volunteer gig at a private club. If I do work more it is by myself--no cooks or wait staff.

[talaniman]

Lets just say he is a nut with his own special issues.He won't change unless he is good and ready. Gentley remind him when he displays this insecurity, that he has no reason to feel like that and suggest he work on not letting it cloud his judgement. Stay firm and keep the voice low and be nonconfrontational. The point is to keep telling him how you feel until it sinks in. He could use some help, because after a while this behavior will cause resentments and problems. How old are you, and how long have you been together?

[talaniman]

Just another thought since he works with his ex, and doesn't think you should be jealous, remind him that your not. Maybe this jealousy has some underlying guilt fueling it. Just a thought, as there seems to be a double standard to me. You are not the only one with this problem that I know of though, but the wives have hardly any life. They go along as they are told, to keep peace. Just me, why validate unfair behavior?

[N0help4u]

Tell him that while the whole world may "WANT" you you choose him.

[talaniman]

I just asked my wife what she would do in your situation, and she wants me to ask you if you had any dishes left in your house, if you do, then your not mad enough YET! Maybe that's why I'm not insecure, nor jealous as there is a 36' baseball bat behind the door. Its hers. Seriously, putting up with this behavior, might not be the best way to go.

[N0help4u]

she wants me to ask you if you had any dishes left in your house, if you do, then your not mad enough YET!! Maybe thats why I'm not insecure, nor jealous as there is a 36' baseball bat behind the door. Its hers. S

Mine even says JERK BAT on it

[l12]

Omg... jealousy is SO hurtful... WWJD?? Turn the other cheek and be there for all of your friends and family... Be true to yourself.and you will come out on top. :}