[ruby07]

Hi,

I was with my boyfriend for a year. We were very close friends for about 4 years before he told me he liked me. I had a crush on him for a long long time, ever since high school! Being with him with was basically a dream come true for me. Everything was great for about 10 months. He told me he loved me and gave me so much attention.

Then we began arguing about petty things. He told me that these arguments scared him. They were issues we could easily sit down and work out but he would choose to avoid doing that. I was the one calling him, he hardly called me anymore. I was falling for him harder and harder at this point. Eventually he decided to take a break from me because he needed space and wanted to think about what he wanted. After three weeks, he calls me and I told him how felt and how happy I was to be talking to him. He came over that day for couple hours. He acted very normal. After he left, I called him and he tells me that maybe we should go back to friendship and build from there. I was okay with that because I figured maybe that will help our relationship. The next day, I called him to chat, and he got frustrated and flat out told me that we can only be friends and there is no possibility in the future that we will get together. He seemed adamant about that decision. He reassured me that there was no girl involved, but it was because of our "differences" that he didn't see a future with me. I asked him to lets talk about it and work it out but he didn't want to do that. I told him I had changed and wanted to prove myself to him, but he wouldn't give me a chance. I was very very hurt because 1) I wasn't expecting him to be so straightforward and insensitive 2) he did it over the phone 3) he basically threw away 4 years of memories in a second without a proper explanation. He wasn't very nice to me when he told me and I feel as if I don't have proper closure. I was very mad and upset.

I have been depressed since then. He said he wanted to be friends and said he would call me. It has been over a week and he still hasn't called me. I'm trying so hard to get over him, but I keep missing him. I keep recalling all the memories we had together. I can't erase them out of my head. I know I can find someone that will love me and be more sensitive towards me but I still find myself missing him. My friends tell me that he didn't treated me right, but I feel like I messed up somewhere to bring that out in him. I read that you should give yourself time, but its just so hard. I'm just very hurt right now. Do you guys think there is a possibility for us later? How can I get him back? Should I move on, if so how! Its so painful and heartbreaking to go through this. Any advice would help. Thanks!

[p_rich91]

First of all, it doesn't sound like you did anything to make him act that way and you can't blame yourself. It sounds like he just got scared or tired of the relationship and wanted a way to get out. Guys can be stupid or mean when they want to end a relationship... usually they don't do it very well, which leaves us girls with a lot of questions and insecurities. But the fact is that it seems he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, at least not now. You should try to walk away and rebuild your life. It hurts, but hoping that he will change his mind and want to get back together will just leave you more hurt in the end if it doesn't happen. In fact, if there is one way to increase the chance that he will want you back it is to move on with your life and show him that you didn't need him anyway. Good luck!

[GlindaofOz]

This will just take time hun. I would not accept his phone calls because all it will do is give you false hope in getting back together. As hard as it may be you need to have no contact with him until you heal.

I'm so sorry you are going through this but everyday will get a little easier and then you'll backslide into an emotional mess...

Try to get up and get on with your life. Spend time with friends and family and try to remember that you are a whole person outside of the relationship I'm sure there were good times but what about when the times weren't so good? Try to focus on that, trust me it helps. Every time I would remember some great time or some amazing thing my ex said to me I'd then counter that with a time he was a real jerk. It helps.

Don't beat yourself up and let yourself be sad. Let yourself wallow in chocolate cake and Lifetime movies until you feel ready to pull yourself up. (and we are always here on this board for you! )

[SAB123]

I was with my ex fiancé for about 5 years. When she broke up with me again I was just like how you are feeling rite now. And believe me I know how your feeling. You are going to hurt for a long time. I'm in my 6 months since she broke with me and TRUST ME when I say this once you LET GO and DO NOT CONTACT HIM or if contacts you leave him alone. I contacted my ex 2 months after she broke up with me and I went rite back to square one. If you keep contacting him you will never heal. I am healing because I let go of her and you will to when YOU decide to do this. And as Glinda said cry when you have to don't hold back your emotions and in time these will start to get better.

[ruby07]

If he does call me and I ignore him, will that not leave a negative impression, especially if I'm wanting to fix things?

[GlindaofOz]

To be blunt, there is nothing to be fixed by you. He left you need to realize that you cannot do anything to get him to come back right now unless he wants to.

Part of no contact is that you don't humiliate yourself by begging him to take you back it also forces you to deal with how you really feel and allows you to heal.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to but if you look at all the other posts about breaking up nearly everyone has the same advice. No contact, shift your focus and try to get on with your life.

[Jiser]

Look forward and concentrate on you from now on. Staying busy and improving your life will help a lot... in time. It's best to stay in no contact to let the emotional dust settle. Who knows what the future holds but it's best to get healthy first before reconciliation. Learning what went wrong etc etc...

Please look at past threads and issues bought up on the forums here, they may bare some similar traits to yours. All the best.

[ruby07]

Thank you guys for your advice. This is a great way to get support.

I have one problem: I have to see him every weekend at church. It was very hard for me last weekend, but I got better as the week went on. I don't think there is a way to get around that but how can I be stronger when I do see him?

Does time also take away the feeling of wanting to get back together?

I'm at a point where I can't even cry anymore even if I'm sad. I guess that's considered some progress. I still miss him though.

[GlindaofOz]

Time will melt that away too... I remember I wanted to get back together with my ex so badly until I cut off contact then after about 60 days I find myself going what was I thinking?

Well at church just try to avoid him. Stick with your family and friends and if you see him be polite but don't let him engage you in conversation. Remember, you are a strong, confident woman and he is the joker who let you go. You can feel sorry for him but not for yourself ;)

[Ash123]

Sometimes people get rude and short when they break up because they get frustrated that there is no way to lovingly break up with someone they love and they get agitated... I doubt he was mad - he was just trying to get a space he'd had on his mind.
And he felt bad.

He loves you and cares for you, but wants space, and he is going to make it clearer every time you circle back... So, how do you survive?

Surround yourself with people that love you and get REALLLY busy for 3 months at least.

Also, Some people have found this helpful: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

[ruby07]

You are right Ash123.
He did want space and I think I didn't allow him too have that space during his "break" because I texted him twice. I don't think he liked me very much after that.

I'm willing to give him space. I hope that allows him to clear his mind and heal the pain he went through as well. Hes very stubborn so I don't know if that will change his mind though. Who knows. Its just hard for me because I've liked him for so so long. I hope time will take care of everything.

[Ash123]

You are in love.
That is a tough thing... when it is unrequited!

Now is it to your soulmate? Only time and trusting life will tell.

**All I can say is that you may be surprised that someone else who you may love even more is nearer than you think...

Keep your (probably blood shot right now) eyes open. Life isn't always as cruel as it seems...

[s_cianci]

Actually it sounds like he was being pretty honest and straightforward with you. For that you should be thankful, even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. It's actually more kind than if he had strung you along, making you think there was something there when in fact there wasn't. It would have come out sooner or later and it would have been all the more painful and difficult when it did. If the two of you are simply not compatible, and it certainly seems that that's the case, then accept that fact and move on.

[ruby07]

I feel sometimes we aren't compatible but most of the time we were. It was the last two months that things started going bad. I don't want him to judge me based on those two months. He was straightforward with me but I think we could have made it work if he wasn't so scared by arguments and was willing to sit down and talk about it. He came over the day before he broke up and was acting normal. He even made plans to see me in couple days. I called and something triggered him to end it the next day. It was all so weird and confusing. How can someone that loved you so much just not like you instantly? I know he wanted space, and I'm giving it to him now. I just hope he has a heart and misses me as much as I miss him. I still want to make it work.

[talaniman]

Your feeling are so normal after a break up and everyone who has responded understands your pain oh so well so you are not alone at all. Get busy focusing on things and people who make you happy WITHOUT HIM. It gets better, just read the stories of those who have gone through your situation, and get busy. You just need time to heal and learn to handle all those fresh emotions.

[ruby07]

I agree with you and everyone else that has posted. He was my first love and my first crush. Its just hard after so many years of liking him to just try and forget about him. I see him every week and that doesn't help because that only makes me want him even more. I hope I can be strong and get over this because I hate feeling this way.

Thank you all for your support.

[ruby07]

Hey guys,

I have some developments that I need advice on. He called me and I caved and talked to him for a little bit. I talked normally, not giving him any notion that I'm sad or still in love with him (which I don't know if I am anymore at this point). Well now he wants to get together later this week. He has been texting me a lot. I do not respond to his texts but he still texts me random stuff (like what he had for lunch! ). I feel like he's feeling the void now and feels lonely. What should I do now?

[_Chris_]

Hey guys,

I have some developments that I need advice on. He called me and I caved and talked to him for a little bit. I talked normally, not giving him any notion that I'm sad or still in love with him (which I dont know if I am anymore at this point). Well now he wants to get together later this week. He has been texting me alot. I do not respond to his texts but he still texts me random stuff (like what he had for lunch!?). I feel like he's feeling the void now and feels lonely. What should I do now?

Yeah nothing new here. He probably does miss you, but this doesn't mean that he wants you as his girlfriend. He could even miss your kiss, but would rather "choose" to be without you all the same.

Remember, even if he is texting you, or even if you guys get together and sleep together, don't forget what sort of "choice" he is making. Don't be surprised if he is telling you how he missed you, but that the same choice is there, "where he is just not your man anymore".

Be the smarter and wiser one. This does not mean that you should be rude or mean to him, but it means that you should maintain a good hold over yourself and not for a second give yourself to someone who is not making it "plain" and clear about whether they "truly want you" or whether they just "really miss you". You don't want anymore heartache and you want to get strong, but becareful because an ex usually is going through their own sorrow and will come back to feel an upper (like make sure that you are still there waiting) all so they themselves can "more easily move on".

Your job is to show him you have an excellent life despite of him. Guys don't want girls that have great lives and happiness with them, but they want the girl who is even happy and has a great life without them. Now there's a woman!

[talaniman]

I feel like he's feeling the void now and feels lonely. What should I do now?

You may be right, and he may be just making a friendly overture. You did say he wants to be friends.

[Ash123]

How old are you all?
What sort of schoool/career pressures do you have?
Is this your first break?