[carmel candy]

Hi my name is carmela, I am 38 years old and been married for twenty years to the same man. We have four children together. Recently I have been having these strong attraction feeling with a male friend of ours that I known for 10 years. When I first met the my friend we click instant we are both the same sign. We have a lot of things and common.
But lately every time I step in the same room with him I get these weird feeling when I around him. The chemistry is so strong between him and I other people can see it to. I think about him twenty four seven. When I see him talking to other female I get upset. And I know he feels the same way about me. We talk on the phone for hours and some times twice a week.
That not even the bad part.
The bad part is that he is the pastor of our church
Nothing sexually have happen between us but my feeling and emotions are out of wack.
Advice please.

[JoeCanada76]

My advice is that you need to know that you are married for twenty years with four children. You need to do what is right for your family and children.

As far as this male attraction being a pastor of your church, well He is not supposed to cross certain lines. You are not supposed to cross certain lines.

Your having an emotional affair, ever here of that. It sounds that one day the lines will be crossed if you do not stop obsessing over somebody that is not available, and your not available.

My advice, no more 24/7 thinking, no more talks, no more phone calls. You need to limit your contact.

[N0help4u]

You need to get over it. Convince yourself on all the reasons this is not good and get over it.
Quit that church if that is what it takes.

[Gregisteredtrademark]

What you are going through is to some degree normal. Often people involved in perfectly good marriages seek the attention of those outside of the relationship. You may feel that he understands you better than your husband or he is more fun than him. This can happen as we become distracted by our ho hum day to day lives, and four kids will do that to you. You need to evaluate your current marriage, questions to ask are: Do you love your husband? What can you do to spice up your life? Do you have a date night or have you had a romantic evening away from the kids lately? Don't lose sight of communication and give him the opportunity to wisk you off your feet again like he did twenty years ago. What ever you end up doing, look at the big picture impact on friends, family, and yourself. The grass is not always greener on the other side so tread cautiously. Good luck.

[JoeCanada76]

My advice is that you need to know that you are married for twenty years with four children. You need to do what is right for your family and children.

As far as this male attraction being a pastor of your church, well He is not supposed to cross certain lines. You are not supposed to cross certain lines.

Your having an emotional affair, ever here of that. It sounds that one day the lines will be crossed if you do not stop obsessing over somebody that is not available, and your not available.

My advice, no more 24/7 thinking, no more talks, no more phone calls. You need to limit your contact.

[Fr_Chuck]

This should not even be a choice, you pick your husband, if his means getting counseling to get some spark in your marriage you do it.

You quit that church NOW, stop any contact with the pastor, don't call him, don't answer his calls. No contact what so ever and start putting your focus back on your family.

[Fr_Chuck]

Please do not keep asking the same question over and over. One has been deleted, the other merged with this one.

[oneguyinohio]

If he is the pastor of your church, I have to think his sermons must be slightly interesting if after 10 years you are having such thoughts. Have you been listening or daydreaming?

It is possible that you are experiencing some infatuation with him as a leader in the church, and admiring him for his power and the work he does... but getting those lines crossed and getting involved with him is not wise. Take the advice of others and seek a new church.

If you're willing to break all the rules that your church holds sacrid, that should tell you something about your desires. Religiously, if you want to walk the walk, you need to move away from the temptation, and if you aren't going to church for that purpose, then you're a bit of a hedonist living for personal gratification.

I hope your marriage can be improved through counseling, but you need to do so, outside of the influence of the desires for your pastor. Not a good idea to have him involved in the counseling.

[simoneaugie]

Leave the church. That can be as easy or as difficult as you choose to make it. Then, work at making your marriage all it can be. Give it at least two years.

[trujew]

I am all too familiar with an emotional affair. Trust me, it's not worth it. I did that and lost my husband and my life for the last four years has been hell. It's not worth it!

[lrieken]

The question needs to be answered: Do you still love your husband? It is less about "who" than it is about "why". Once you answer that then you can take action in the right direction.

If you do... I agree 100% with the above statement about finding a way to make the marriage renewed and exciting. Long time marriages get comfortable but stuffy. Revive the passion, that can eliminate the feelings you are having about this other person. The first step then would be to get rid of the "distraction", so you can concentrate on finding your sweetheart again.

If you don't... then you need to be open and honest with your husband and decide what you are going to do about that.

Now to address the issue of the pastor... he is 100% wrong to encourage or engage in any kind of intimate (emotional or otherwise) relationship with a married woman. Is he married as well? I would not feel comfortable having a pastoral leader who does not even follow the doctrine himself. Find another church!

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes I did not address the Pastor issue, he needs to be fired , a man like this has no business being a pastor, he is a disgrase to any of us who minister God's word.

[kraz]

You owe your husband and your family more than what you are giving them at this moment. As Irieken has written you need to choose between a man who should not be encouraging this sort of behavior in a married woman or the man you made a promise to love and cherish, have spent 20 years together and raised children together.

The pastor is using his position of power and charisma over your current feelings of uncertainty. I don't believe this is a good sign for a pastor or a good decent honest man.

If your marriage is in a rut, then get it out and work at bringing back the love and romance, that spark that brought you and your husband together, before you ruin it and your husband has had enough of your loose behavior.

[N0help4u]

I agree with Jesushelper you are having an emotional affair in your mind which most likely is that you are idealistically romanticizing what it would be like being with him yet in real life you would most likely realize that it was nothing like what you thought it would be. You are better off sticking with your own territory where you know what you got.

[carmel candy]

Hi my name is Carmela, The last time I wrote to you all telling you about this friend guy of mines who I am in love with has recently given me a car. I known this guy for ten years and I loved him for ten years. I have never felt so connected to someone else before . We have never had any types of sexual affair just good friendship. This man is so wonderful I wish my husband could be him. I am so physical attracted to this man I hate to be in the same room with him. I know every body can tell that he feels the same way about me. I know they can tell that we are in love with each other. I have never had another man to treat me the way he does he is kind gentle and he listen, Not only that but he helps me with my children. I was recently in a car accident and total my vehicle. He came to see about me and gave me his fairlly new car and he bought him a new one. The same make and model. At first I didn't want to except it bbut my husband told me to take it. Now when I go to church every Sunday I drive his old car. I know people are talking about us but I don't care because I know that we have not crossed the line. I know that people can see that we are very close together but I can't control love it happens to the best of us. After my car accident my husband didn't seem concern about me he was concerned about the car. I can't even talk to my spouse with out the drama. But I feel like I need to make a big descion about our marriage and move on to something better.
I am trying so hard to keep my feeling and my body under control. This is been such a hard test to conquer and it seems like my husband is pushing me further and further away from him . He never compliment me but other men will he never want to listen to what I say .But get mad when some body else does. Maybe my marriage been over with and I been make it work for the children or Maybe he is to blind to appreciate what he has.
Not only that he has let his self go over the last couple of years . I am a very attractive woman who does not look 38 at all. People are always complimenting me on how I look My husband is 10 years older than I am and he doesn't care how he look. I have been faithful to him for 20 years. But I know that I am in love with another man and it not fair to me or him. Please give me some tips on what I should do. Love sick

[talaniman]

You divorce your husband before you commit adultry, and then you enjoy yourself, and don't look back. That's the fair way to go about it, don't you agree?