[kildarebabe]

Hi,
I've posted questions before relating to the same problem but I would like to know your opinions as things have changed abit.

I have bn with my boyfriend for 16 months and we love each other. I live with my mother and 3 siblings in a three bed house. As I moved out before I don't have a bed at home and sleep on the couch. My boyfriend lives with his mother. I really need to move out as I am becoming very depressed and annoyed with my living arrangements. I have tried before to get my boyfriend to move in with me but to not avail. I tried again thinking that maybe he might change his mind.well it all blew up in my face. We had a big row and we didn't talk for three days I eventually made first contact and arranged to go to his house and talk. I told him how it felt like there was 3 of us in d relationship as he always includes his mother when making decisions about us and how I want us to live together before we build a house this summer. He said he couldn't move in that he won't leave his mother alone but that if I get a place he will help me pay rent and come over and see me whenever he can. I love him but I'm slowly losing my mind... most nights I cry myself to sleep. Feels like I can't talk to my boyfriend. Even when I try and discuss our future he won't says he is too young to be thinking about marriage and kids.

Any ideas?

[plumberman]

How old are you two? If he thinks he is to young then pushing him is the wrong idea... If he will not move in with you what makes you think he is going to "build a house this summer"

[kildarebabe]

I am 24 an he is 29... he is the one that wants us to build a house this year as he has planning permission to build... I have said that I would like to live with in so that we know what its like to live in the same house 24/7...

[plumberman]

You might want to try and stand on your own two feet before you decide to live with this guy... just because he says he plans to build does not mean he has plans for you in the picture... Dont jump the gun or you may regret it... be your own person before you rely on someone else to help you...

[kildarebabe]

I'm not depending on him but he has asked me to help build this house as he wants me to liv ein it but I don't want to invest money into it and have it blow up in my face. Living with him will help us see if we are compatible

[katrina27]

Is there any way u could move in with him and his mother? Is that an option. My husband is very close to his mother, she can be overbearing, but if she was alone, I would have her move in with us in a heartbeat.

[Alty]

I think that you should find a place on your own for a while. He's obviously not ready to have you as a permanent roommate, he's made that very clear. If you keep pushing the subject you might just chase him away. If it's meant to be it will happen, just be patient.

[talaniman]

He has told you no. Take that for what its worth. I think your more in love, than he is, and what makes you think if he builds a house, his mother won't be there also? Come on all those red flags, and you keep ignoring them, not good for you.

[kildarebabe]

I know... its totally driving me crazy...

[jolienoire]

i know... its totally driving me crazy...

Because you are allowing it to drive you crazy, for your own sanity listen to exactly what he tells you and don't try too hard, Despite the fact that he is telling you he is not ready you are still pushing the issue, you may push him away... invest in your own place, that way if things don't work out you are not stuck in a relationship with your boyfriend and his mother... Trust me... I am with a momma's boy... It is not easy, If a man really wants you, there is nothing that will keep him away I mean nothing, he will make time for you and his family.. He is not ready to cut the umbilical cord from momma while you are pulling you may suffocate him, and he will eventually not want to be with you... be independent. Invest in your own future... He is just not ready and if perhaps you are and you think you deserve someone who will give you what you need, then let him go.. Otherwise if you are willing to accept this behavior than you really can't complain.. It doesn't make any difference whether what you face is something that affects your work, your personal relationships, your sense of security, your appraisal of self-worth, or your appearance - the way you think about your situation largely determines that... I think you are putting too much pressure and you need to just relax don't cry yourself to sleep go out and do something constructive.