[addictedtoyou]

I'm not entirly sure if this is the right spot for me to ask this question, but I felt that this was the most appropriate topic to ask it in. Basically some backround information:
I started dating a guy about a year and 7 months ago. At the time that we started dating I was 15, but now I am 17. At the time that we started dating I lived with my father. But after about 4 or 5 months my father got sent to jail, so I decided to go and live with my mother instead. My mother gives me a lot more freedom, and she allowed me to spend a few nights a week at my boyfriends house. This is when I was 16, or 17. I would usually sleep over there about 2-4 times a week. It depends on our sceduals. He also comes over to my house some weeks, so other weeks I don't spend any days there at all. My Father only spent a few weeks away before he was released and back home, but when he returned home we got in a huge fight, and didn't speak for about 8 months. Finally we started speaking again, and my mom eventually requested more child support from him, because I was premenetly living at her house, which requires more money.
This is my dads point of view:
- He thinks that techinally I don't even live with my mother, That I supposidly live with my boyfriend. He gets this information from my little sister.
This is my mothers point of view:
-She thinks that since I am 17, I am old enough to decide where I want to be, and that She still needs the extra money because when I need something it is her that buys it, its her that pays the bills, its her that buys me food, not my boyfriends parents.
My father is now threatening to make myself, my sister, my boyfriend, and his parents all go to trial, and testify.
What I really want to know is what are the possible outcomes of this "trial" considering my age, also, if he can even bring my boyfriend and his parents to trial.
I am also open to honest opinions on this topic, do you think that I'm too young for all of this? Or am I mature enough to make my own decisions. I am a very smart, respectful young girl.

[N0help4u]

What state do you live in.

Basically I would say that your mom is right. As long as her house is considered your home it shouldn't matter how much time you spend away from there. She is still responsible for you and has to pay. To shut your dad up she could maybe say that the money covers your stay when you are at your bf's too.

[addictedtoyou]

I live in ontario Canada
Do you know what the results are for this trial?

[cjonline]

No one here can tell you how a trial will end up. It will be up to a Judge.

It could be that the Judge thinks if you are old enough to "stay the night" or "play house"at your bf's house then you are old enough to get a job and help out with the bills and neither of your parents should be paying anything for you. If your Judge is like that then your mom will get yelled at for allowing you to do that and for wasting the courts time asking for more money when you aren't even in her house. Be prepared for the Judge to see you as an adult, since your mother treats you that way, so why should your father pay anything.

Or the Judge says that you are still a minor, that life isn't healthy for you therefore you should be staying with your dad and your mom pays support.

Or the Judge could say the support is XYZ per month.

My guess is the first or the second.

And yes your father can call as a witness whomever he feels will help his case... so your boyfriend and his parents could be called to tell the judge that you stay with them at least half the time.

Since you asked... Personally, I think you are to young for this kind of thing and would not permit my children to do this. Even at 18 or 20 I would try to talk my kids out of living with a girlfriend. You have the rest of your life to be an adult... why are you starting so young?

[addictedtoyou]

I guess the reason is that when you grow up with parents like mine, I guess something I never mentioned is they both only smoked pot my whole life, you kind of learn how to take care of yourself, and I do feel that I am mature enough to handle this on my own. I enjoy being at his house because his family treats me great, and they actually listen to what I have to say. Your advice has helped me out a lot, but it has also scared me. What I don't understand though is that when I was 13 years old the judge said I was old enough to decide where I wanted to live. So now that I'm 17 it would be a real bummer if he chose otherwise.

[JudyKayTee]

I guess the reason is that when you grow up with parents like mine, i guess somthing I never mentioned is they both only smoked pot my whole life, you kind of learn how to take care of yourself, and I do feel that I am mature enough to handle this on my own. I enjoy being at his house because his family treats me great, and they actually listen to what I have to say. Your advice has helped me out alot, but it has also scared me. What I dont understand though is that when i was 13 years old the judge said I was old enough to decide where I wanted to live. So now that I'm 17 it would be a real bummer if he chose otherwise.

I don't see a trial here, I think you are talking a hearing -

Yes, where you want to live will be a big factor UNLESS your father makes a claim - and supports it - that you are not properly supervised or otherwise in danger.

Although my first thought was "She was playing house at 15?" after reading this post I understand that you have thought this out, your boyfriend is supportive, his family sounds like they really care for you and take care of you.

I think the support issue is between your parents and it's unfortunate that you have to get swept into it but I would say your mother is your main source of support and the fact that you spend 2 or 3 nights a week somewhere else should not change that.

Of course, it's up to the Court but this should be a hearing, not a trial, much less threatening, much more friendly.

Hope it goes well for you -

[cjonline]

First let me say that every teen believes that they are "mature enough" but very few are. I don't know you so I can't say you are or not.

You never know how a Judge will rule, that is why its best to try to work it out if you can. No matter what you believe or what you were told, you didn't get to choose who you stayed with when you were 13. The Judge might have asked what you thought or wanted at that time and he may have agreed with you, but it wasn't just your choice... it was the Judges. The Judge will do what is best for you, not what you want. Sometime they are the same thing, sometime they aren't.

If your dad is fighting for you and he wants you back in his home because he thinks that you sleeping over with your boyfriend is not healthy at 17 and the Judge agrees (most likely he will) then you will go with your dad and your mom will pay support. If your dad is fighting not to pay money because you don't really live with your mom but doesn't want you back in his home, it could go either way depending on what is said and the history of the case. I can't really see a way that it won't get messy.

You could however stop it all by filing emancipation papers with the court and legally become an adult yourself. Then, if granted, you could do what you want, move in full time with your boyfriend if they let you. However you will have to get a job because you will have to support yourself. There are several things that you have to do but its an option. Remember that this too is up the Judge if he doesn't feel its in your best interest then he won't grant it.

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE=cjonline]If your dad is fighting for you and he wants you back in his home because he thinks that you sleeping over with your boyfriend is not healthy at 17 and the Judge agrees (most likely he will) then you will go with your dad and your mom will pay support. If your dad is fighting not to pay money because you don't really live with your mom but doesn't want you back in his home, it could go either way depending on what is said and the history of the case. I can't really see a way that it won't get messy.


I disagree here - I don't think it is most likely that the Judge will agree it is not healthy for her to "sleep over" (and I don't know what the sleeping arrangement is nor is it any of my business) at the boyfriend's house with his parents there. His parents appear to be very supportive - hard enough to have your own kids around at that age, let alone someone else's! Would be different if the boyfriend had his own apartment. Maybe a problem at 13 or 15, very probably not at 17. This is with the mother's permission and, right or wrong decision, she is the custodial parent. If nothing else is looked at the mother can still claim the daughter as a dependent because she is with the mother more than 50% of the time and that will also count - she's with her mother more than 50% of the time.

Not saying I would want my daughter staying with her boyfriend at that age, just saying what I think will happen.

I see this as more the father not wanting to pay additional support than wanting his daughter to live with him.

I don't see this is going to be messy - what has passed is in the past and the Judge is not going to get involved in what was going on when the girl was 13 or 15. He/she will be interested in the here and now and at 17 I will be amazed if what she (the girl) and her mother (who has apparently physically been for the girl the whole time the father was in jail) would like is not what the Judge rules.

I think the father is posturing - will be very interested in how this plays out.

Whether the poster is mature or not only she knows - but plenty of 17 year olds come on the thread and rant and rave and make no sense and can't string words together and hate everyone or are stealing or using and I just don't see that here. I hope I'm not wrong.

[addictedtoyou]

Wow your post has really helped me out. You are correct my boyfriend is also 17, and he does live with his parents. Your post has deffinetly reasured me as I was started to get the feeling that the judge would send me to live with my father for ever. And that is not what I want.

[JudyKayTee]

wow your post has really helped me out. you are correct my boyfriend is also 17, and he does live with his parents. your post has deffinetly reasured me as i was started to get the feeling that the judge would send me to live with my father for ever. and that is not what i want.

Nope, I don't think it ever, ever is going to happen - not if things are as you say, and I believe they are.

[cjonline]

As I said I can't say if the poster is Mature enough or not.

IMO, and that's what it is, I don't think its healthy for her to stay over at her bf's all night at this age. She stated it was 4 times a week some weeks and some weeks none as he stays with her. I wouldn't let my kids do that. How a Judge will see it depends on how the case is pleaded and the personal views of that Judge. No one can predict that.

From what I have seen in the court room... If its as I think, the father just doesn't want to pay the support then it really can go either way but most likely the Judge will just leave it as it is until she turns 18 it is less than a year. I have seen some Judges get on their high horse and make rulings that are "in the best interest of the child". I was just trying to point out all the ways it could go.

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sorry your mother has been so poor at being a parent to allow you into such situations. Allow a 16 to stay over at a boyfriends home several nights a week is as close to child abuse as I could ever think of, and I had wish your dad had done more to protect you from such behavior.

And yes I can see your dad having very little trouble getting custody back of you, forcing you to return to his house since I can't see any judge not believing this would not be in your best interst. And of course there is no legal age under 18 that allows you to choose where you can live.\

Also depending on the state and its law, at 16, if you were spending the night with your boyfriend, he could end up going to jail for that. Although your mom should be the one for allowing it.

But of course your dad can drag in, your mom, your boyfriend, his parents all as witnesses to testify.

[N0help4u]

Now that the legal age is getting lower for teens being allowed to "be with their boyfriend" that may not even be an issue depending on Canada's law. Being 17 even if you did have to go with your dad he could only keep you until 18 or 19 depending on Canada's law.