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bubblz · Feb 18, 2008, 01:27 PM

Well I am a recovered sex addict and I have some emotional issues as well but sex if very important to me and my boyfriend and me never have sex anymore I don't remember the last time we even were intimate sometimes if I start touching on him he will normally just jerk off to finish and its so depressing for me I feel like its cause I'm not good enough or he just doesn't find me attractive enough to want to continue with foreplay to the actual act what he normally does is just lets me touch on him and thatll be it he will finish off and be done but he never makes the first try with me and he never just touches on me sexually its so rare and it breaks my heart.. we had a fight last night about it and he said I guilt him into sex and another time he said "thats why i dont get ed" cause I was nagging him about wanting to have sex when he was tired.. I am 19 he is 31 why doesn't he want to sleep with me?I have been feeling so ugly since this all started sex used to be number 1 in my life in relationships now it's the bottom and I feel horrible I know I sound dumb putting sex number 1 but it used to consume my life and now my boyfriend won't even sleep with me :[ I feel like I'm wasting my life but I can't bring myself to end it cause I love him any advice?

jolienoire · Feb 18, 2008, 01:46 PM

Perhaps you are subsitiuting sex with love, I would say sex isn't important but I would be lying if I said that... Well let's just say it shouldn't be the main focus on your relationship. I mean there has to be a reason he doesn't want to have sex... maybe you put too much pressure, ease up a little, let him want you... I know that it may seem frustrating lacking intimacy in your relationship, I doubt if there is something physically wrong with you, but from experience I can say that men, can easily be turned off as fast as they are turned on Nagging is one of them, along with stress... etc... a lot of things can make men not want to be intimate. Perhaps, you shouldn't pressure him, and how about you pleasure yourself... as he does... to see his reaction... I doubt that there is anything wrong with you, don't put too much pressure on him... Let it happen, find other ways to be intimate... If you love and care for him be patient. Try something different, try not bothering him or nagging him, do as I said and try pleasing yourself... and see if that changes anything..

bubblz · Feb 18, 2008, 01:58 PM

Trust me I do pleasure myself otherwise I would be a nun by now it doesn't do anything if handle my business on my own so does he and he doesn't pay any mind to me he doesn't care if I do it myself its just perfect for him because he doesn't have to touch me :[ and I'm not even ugly so many people say I'm good looking but he is the only one who won't touch me

jolienoire · Feb 18, 2008, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by bubblz

trust me i do pleasure myself otherwise i would be a nun by now it doesnt do anything if handle my business on my own so does he and he doesnt pay any mind to me he doesnt care if i do it myself its just perfect for him because he doesnt have to touch me :[ and im not even ugly so many people say im good looking but he is the only one who wont touch me

I can't really tell you how to feel if you truly feel sex is an important part of your relationship then you have every right to feel that way... I don't think it's you it could be him but its not helping that he isn't talking to you about it. Honestly, if you want more than what you are getting and you are not satisfied with the way things are... You have options talk to him, which you have already done, and it turned into an argument, Leave the relationship.. which you stated you love him, or just forget about the sex... I mean you can't change the way he feels about being intimate with you, but you can change the way you let it affect you, are you can simply say this is not what you want and walk... I apologize if I couldn't be of any help, but I think you just have a healthier sex drive than he does, some men are different than others... I really don't know what his issue is on why he don't want to get intimate with you... unless he is sleeping with someone else, Didn't really want to throw that out there, but its just weird...

bubblz · Feb 18, 2008, 02:59 PM

Thanks for the help

yeye82 · Feb 18, 2008, 10:17 PM

Could be he respects you and the relationship, and might leave sex until after marriage.

Alty · Feb 18, 2008, 10:49 PM

Could be the age difference, 31 year old men definitely don't have as much stamina as 19 year old women (sorry guys). Maybe there is a physical problem and he just isn't comfortable talking to you about it. I would try talking to him about it again and trying to keep you tone of voice calm and don't start of by accusing or anything else argumentative. Keep the lines of communication open and you might be surprised.

Flying Blue Eagle · Feb 18, 2008, 11:09 PM

Bubbiz- check your last two sentances that you wrote, then you may have the answer to your question, About all your past relationships and sex. TO EASE HIS mind ,you and him go to the doctor to be tested for any sexual deaises and maybe this will solve the problems.He may be scared stiff that he may come down with adids. Even then you both may have to go to a sexual therapist or something. Good luck SAND GOD BLESS ;;;;; F.B.E.

bubblz · Feb 19, 2008, 03:32 PM

We have been tested and we are clean we have had sex before so its not the marriage thing he says we fight too much and it makes him never wants to be intimate with me

jolienoire · Feb 19, 2008, 03:40 PM

Originally Posted by bubblz

we have been tested and we are clean we have had sex before so its not the marriage thing he says we fight to much and it makes him never wants 2 be intimate with me

I told you this in my prior post that men get turned off fast when under a lot of stress... Men sex drive slow down as well when they are older some at least... You have to understand as a 31 y/o male he more than likely had his share of sexual escapades... Or it can be an issue within himself... where he doesn't want the closeness that sex involves the emotional factor... hence this is why he pleasure himself... There is no cuddling, no talking, just wham bam, and good night for him...

talaniman · Feb 19, 2008, 04:24 PM

Show me a couple with sex problems, and I will show you a couple with problems in other areas of their lives. This relationship has other issues that needs to be solved, and lack of sex is but a symptom. So start looking for the root of the problem.

jolienoire · Feb 19, 2008, 04:26 PM

:D

Originally Posted by talaniman

Show me a couple with sex problems, and I will show you a couple with problems in other areas of their lives. This relationship has other issues that needs to be solved, and lack of sex is but a symptom. So start looking for the root of the problem.

You just always know what to say, would give you greeniessss but can't You're the best!:D

jaykumar67 · Feb 19, 2008, 10:58 PM

Originally Posted by bubblz

well i am a recovered sex addict and i have some emotional issues as well but sex if very important to me and my boyfriend and me never have sex anymore i dont remember the last time we even were intimate sometimes if i start touching on him he will normally just jerk off to finish and its so depressing for me i feel like its cause im not good enough or he just doesnt find me attractive enough to want to continue with foreplay to the actual act what he normally does is just lets me touch on him and thatll be it he will finish off and be done but he never makes the first try with me and he never just touches on me sexually its so rare and it breaks my heart .. we had a fight last night about it and he said i guilt him into sex and another time he said "thats why i dont get ed" cause i was nagging him about wanting to have sex when he was tired.. i am 19 he is 31 why doesnt he want to sleep with me?i have been feeling so ugly since this all started sex used to be number 1 in my life in relationships now its the bottom and i feel horrible i know i sound dumb putting sex number 1 but it used to consume my life and now my boyfriend wont even sleep with me :[ i feel like im wasting my life but i can't bring myself to end it cause i love him any advice?

You sound like a nice gal... sex should be special and no normal man should ever refuse it.. your boyfriend is not normal and will probably not change... don't even use your energy baby... find someone else... your only 19...

I'm searching for a strong gal like you

Greg Quinn · Feb 19, 2008, 11:28 PM

Originally Posted by jaykumar67

you sound like a nice gal...sex should be special and no normal man should ever refuse it..your bf is not normal and will probably not change...don't even use your energy baby...find someone else ...your only 19...

i'm searching for a strong gal like you

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I would have to ask a lot more questions and receive some answers before I advised someone to give up a relationship. I would have to agree with Tal on this one, its probably something else.

Alty · Feb 19, 2008, 11:48 PM

Originally Posted by jaykumar67

you sound like a nice gal...sex should be special and no normal man should ever refuse it..your bf is not normal and will probably not change...don't even use your energy baby...find someone else ...your only 19...

i'm searching for a strong gal like you

Has this become a single's site? You are right, sex should be special, maybe that's what he's trying to accomplish. I agree with Greg Quinn, more info would be helpful.