[templelane]

If you are married are you really not allowed to hang out with male friends?
I was shocked by the answers to this post
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-185154.html
I have some question so I thought I'd start a new thread to avoid a hijack.

I honestly don't get it!

What about the same situation (but without kids) just in a long term relationship? Would it make a difference if it was a long term relationship with kids? Or a marriage without kids? What about a mutual male friend? Or the women's best friend (who happened to be male)? What about gay male friends are they exempt?

I know a million questions! I'm just keen to see what people's views are on this, and where they personally draw the line.

[talaniman]

Even though we are married, we have agreed on boundaries, that work for us and that's the key, as working together is the way we handled it. Its about respect, so I know her male friends very well, and she knows my female friends, VERY WELL. We respect each other, and do not cross the lines we set. Gay or straight. Each couple has an obligation as to where the line is drawn, and not to cross it.

[katrina27]

If you are married are you really not allowed to hang out with male friends?
I was shocked by the answers to this post
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-185154.html
I have some question so I thought I'd start a new thread to avoid a hijack.

I honestly don't get it!

What about the same situation (but without kids) just in a long term relationship? Would it make a difference if it was a long term relationship with kids? Or a marriage without kids? What about a mutual male friend? Or the women's best friend (who happened to be male)? What about gay male friends are they exempt?

I know a million questions! I'm just keen to see what people's views are on this, and where they personally draw the line.

I think its OK to have male friends, I am married. However my husband comes first, if he was threatened by anyone I wouldn't pursue a friendship. Luckily he isint the mad jealous type.
I do think hanging on to ex boyfriends as friends is a joke. I wouldn't be a bit interested in hurting my husband by hanging out with an ex. I see a lot of women do this, then moan when they get dumped.

[Synnen]

I'm friends with a LOT of my exes. They were at my husband's bachelor party, because they genuinely wish him well.

I also wouldn't be married to my husband if he had a problem with me being friends --and JUST friends--with guys. I VERY seldom get along with other women enough to be close friends with them. Basically limiting my friendships would indicate that he doesn't trust me, and what is a relationship without trust?

That being said: I make SURE my husband meets these guys, and that he's invited along whenever I'm going out with them, even if it is to something I know he's going to turn down. I have a friend that LOVES going to museums with me, and my husband hates it--so what if the friend happens to be male?

Each relationship has to set boundaries comfortable with the people in the relationship--but I would have dumped my husband when we were still dating if he'd asked me to choose between him and my friends, whatever the gender of my friends.

[katrina27]

I think it would be harsh to dump the man you love if he asked you to stop hanging out with exes. I don't think you really would, because I bet you love your man.

[bagel sandwich]

If you are married are you really not allowed to hang out with male friends?
I was shocked by the answers to this post
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-185154.html
I have some question so I thought I'd start a new thread to avoid a hijack.

I honestly don't get it!

What about the same situation (but without kids) just in a long term relationship? Would it make a difference if it was a long term relationship with kids? Or a marriage without kids? What about a mutual male friend? Or the women's best friend (who happened to be male)? What about gay male friends are they exempt?

I know a million questions! I'm just keen to see what people's views are on this, and where they personally draw the line.

It is very hard to draw a line between being a friend and being more. If a person has a better and closer relationship in some way than you and your mate do then it makes it hard for your real relationship to work. Hanging out with a man who is not your partner
One on one can start all types of jealousy to work against you also.
To hang out with a male friend you should do so with your husband or boyfriend, never one on one. Make sure your loving relationship is not in jepardy first. Don't let any relationship ever take priority over your spouse or boyfriend. See if you can become joint friends and double date.
Always put your romance first though.

[talon2006]

If you are married are you really not allowed to hang out with male friends?
I was shocked by the answers to this post
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-185154.html
I have some question so I thought I'd start a new thread to avoid a hijack.

I honestly don't get it!

What about the same situation (but without kids) just in a long term relationship? Would it make a difference if it was a long term relationship with kids? Or a marriage without kids? What about a mutual male friend? Or the women's best friend (who happened to be male)? What about gay male friends are they exempt?

I know a million questions! I'm just keen to see what people's views are on this, and where they personally draw the line.

Males friends are fine, but at the same time you need to respect your current relationship. Chatting, email, and the occasion lunch or dinner is fine.

Taking time away from your relationship to spend with someone else is wrong ( I beleive).

My above comments assume everything is legit.

[Synnen]

Whoa... somehow the assumption came out that all of my guy friends are exes. This isn't true!

Most of my guy friends are friends that I met the same way you met your friends--through other friends, through work, through interests of my own.

I didn't stop being a person when I got married, and of COURSE I respect my husband's opinion. But--I also don't let him choose MY friends. If my husband doesn't have an interest in going to the museum with me, and my friend does, and my husband is okay with it, then why shouldn't I go with my friend to the museum? I'd be going to the museum anyway, with or without my husband, because that's something I have an interest in. I always invite my husband, and he declines. So... those of you that say women shouldn't have guy friends--should I have to go to the museum alone, or not go at all!--because my friend is male? That's ridiculous!

It's not like I'm going on overnight trips with these guys, and I'm not hiding my friends from my husband. I just get along with guys better than I do with women.

Every one of my guy friends has met my husband. They all like him. My husband likes them.

Would I give up a current love interest for an ex (back when I was single, I mean)--probably not. Would I have ditched any guy that tried to control me by choosing my friends? Absolutely. NO question. I didn't need to date guys that weren't secure about their relationship with me, and confident enough about themselves to feel they had to choose MY friends, even if some of my friends WERE exes. No guy was worth that to me.

I can understand some discomfort about it--but I've done everything I can to be open and honest about it. I would never have married my husband if his ideas about friends and my ideas about friends didn't mesh.