[jaredsp]

Hello I'm 16 and am crushing over my best friend
She knows how I feel about her and she just says
That she doesn't feel right about dateing a friend.
She fears that when we break up
Then I will hate her
And she doesn't want to loose me as a friend
Is there anything that I can say to her to try to change her mind?
:confused:
Any help would be gladly accepted


-jaredsp

PS
She has just recently (with in the past month) broke up with her last boyfriend
And her boyfriend has apparenty started hanging out with her ex before him
And they just harrass her on her myspace and email and will not leave her alone
She broke up with both of them and I have a feeling that because she is experiancing this that she is just afraid to have a boyfriend who was/ is her friend
Also I just met her about 3 months ago and we have become best friends
I tried the whole "be friends first bf gf later" thing but I don't think its working out
I really like her and I want to make her happy and I think that I can do that well if I was her boyfriend

Please help me

[Wildcat21]

Yep, there is a lot you can do. You have to create something called 'Attraction'. Friendship really is a great place to start with in dating someone.

Be less available to her. Don't return calls right away. Make her laugh - be the fun guy. No pressure - don't mention a relationship.

Learn about dating. Go to these sites:

www.sosuave.com

www.askmen.com - read every dating article

Do you care if you lose her as a friend? I wouldn't - better to love and lose than NOT love at all.

[Sosdog]

How about 'give her the space and time to come to the same realization about you that you have about her!'

If your bestfriends, she will develop the same 'crush feelings' that you have at some point. But that doesn't mean that they are right for you or her.

Don't press it. Be her friend if she wants, more if she wants, but pressing will not only stop any shot at becoming more than friends, it'll also deteriorate the just'friendship relationship between you.

Sos

[DrJ]

I can't say I agree with sosdog. You are starting with a MAJOR handicap... that fact that you are already "friends." This puts you at a major disadvantage. This whole "be friends first bf gf later" is CRAP... pure crap... get that out of your head because it is never, NEVER a good plan!

Usually, I would say "give it up! be her friend and look for someone else!" However, people don't like that answer much. So... if you are determined to get with this girl, you have a ways to go. Take Wildcats advice... read up on it. This is something that was not around when I was your age and I sure wish it was. But now it is so take advantage of it. It may seem crazy BUT IT WORKS!!

This whole, "be nice and buy her things" attitude is WAY off the martk! YOu have to create attraction. Read those sites. Sign up for this newsletter: www.doubleyourdating.com It is gold. If it doesn't work on this girl, it will work on everyone else!! Like I said, you have a disadvantage with this girl but its not impossible! But check out these sites first.. you're going to need to be prepared and know how to act. Study this stuff, bro.. You will NEVER regret it!!

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Sosdog]

I can't say I agree with sosdog. You are starting out with a MAJOR handicap... that fact that you are already "friends." This puts you at a major disadvantage. This whole "be friends first bf gf later" is CRAP... pure crap... get that outta your head because it is never, NEVER a good plan!

First, I disagree with what you are saying. Ill just get that out of the way.

Second, I was not referring to him 'getting with' this girl. He is young, but almost an adult, so I gave him adult advice. If he wants nothing more than to 'get with her' then rico suarve all the way.

If, however, he is acting in an adult fashion, then their will be no relationship if there is no friendship. This young 'gotta do it first and be friends later' is the crap. So, no, I don't think ill 'get that crap out of my head' because getting a chick in the sack is the easy part. Finding a girl you want to spend time with 'after' you've been in the sack is the hard part.

That's the real life end of the story.


Sos

[DrJ]

first, i disagree with what you are saying. ill just get that out of the way.

Glad you got that off your chest... you feel better? :cool:

second, i was not referring to him 'getting with' this girl. he is young, but almost an adult, so i gave him adult advice. if he wants nothing more than to 'get with her' then rico suarve all the way.

Allow me to rephrase: "be with this girl." I was not implying that he take my advice just so he can shag this chick. It is his good friend and he has a crush on her. He wants to BE with her...

if, however, he is acting in an adult fashion, then their will be no relationship if there is no friendship.

I agree 100% with this. There will be no relationship without a friendship. However, it's the ORDER in which you obtain this that matters. Simple fact: When a woman meets a man, everything that the man does will influence the way she feels about him. It will basically weigh in on one of two sides: Friend? Or Potential Partner? Once you have been tagged a "friend" it is very, VERY difficult to ever be considered a "potential partner."

You go out and be a girls BEST friend for a year then try to be her girlfriend... good luck.

Then, go out, create attraction between you and a woman. Go out, become her BOYFRIEND, then build your friendship.

Do each of these scenarios 100 times each and let me know which one has more success at the end. Don't got that kind of time? Then learn history and then learn FROM history.

this young 'gotta do it first and be friends later' is the crap. so, no, i dont think ill 'get that crap outta my head' because getting a chick in the sack is the easy part. finding a girl you want to spend time with 'after' you've been in the sack is the hard part.

thats the real life end of the story.
Sos

You're taking things way out of context because you're getting all hot-headed. You're getting all hot-headed because I expressed my opinion which just HAPPENED to be disagreeing with you. *A bit of personal advice* Get over this... If you throw a temper-tantrum every time someone disagrees with you, you in for a rough ride!

Another thing, I was talking to jaredsp about getting that out of his head. It appeared that he had a notion to "be friends first bf gf later"... He can learn the hard way or he can take the advice from the thousands of people that have already learned.. that's NOT the way to go. That only works in fary tales!

Im not telling jared how to sack a chick... Im trying to help him become his "friend's" "boyfriend!" FFS, man!

You're advising this kid on how to do things according to fairy tales and you're telling me it's the "the real life end of the story??" Im not even going to start in on that.


All things aside, Sosdog... I meant no offense. I apologize. I merely stated that I disagreed with your opinion, which I am entitled to do as a human being. Many people share the same opinion as you, as I once did myself... but through trial and error and learning from "the pros," I have found that THAT just doesn't work anymore...

~DrJ~

[Sosdog]

Well, I must have seriously misunderstood your post. Apologies. But I wasn't hot headed or anything when I responded. I simply thought you were speaking to me about my post and not to him.

My bad..

And what I was saying (I must not have stated myself clearly) is that friendship between a man/woman, just friendship, is not easy.

Where as a partner relationship between a man/woman is not as hard.

Ill try and clarify a bit more...

They have known each other for 3 months, and have become best friends. (this is not a usual situation)

She has already decided that she wants to be 'friends' and not more (at this time)

Giving him advice on how to impress her enough, or in such a way, as to try and force the feelings out of her (might be a better way to put that) will not help him 'at this point'

She has already stated the 'just friends' thing for now. In my experience there's not much he can do to change that without jeopardizing it all. He just has to have patience if he actually wants it to happen.

I think that explains is a bit better. I hope so anyway.

Sos

[DrJ]

I apologize as well. I didn't mean to come across as calling your post "crap" in anyway. Lol

And like I said, I agree 100% with friendship being a very important aspect... "TRUE" friendship IS more difficult to obtain than attraction.

You make a valid point with the 'knowing her for 3 months' thing... I totally missed that in his post. 3 months is much better than a life long friend or even a year long friend. Which for jared, it means that he still has a really good chance of her feel stronger for him intimately.

His problem at this point is that she doesn't feel "attraction" to him in that way. He doesn't need to force anything out of her.. he just needs to portray a side of him that she will find attractive.

See, he is most likely "being her friend." Being there for her, talking to her about his/her feelings, doing whatever she wants to do all the time, etc. It is killing his chances. Im not saying that doing those things is stupid... when the time comes, that is gold! You want to treat your partner that way.

But he has to get to that stage first. He needs to create the missing attraction between them. He needs to be his own person, do things that HE wants to do, have fun with her, bust on her a little in a totally playful way... but have fun. Be fun, funny, confident, cocky... all these things that attrack women physically. Once that has been created, he may have the chance of "going out" with her. Then, as the relationship matures, he can start working on building that, being there for her the way she needs him to be, things like that.

Otherwise, he will always just be a friend to her.. maybe a BEST friend, but still just a friend. Once he is locked into that, he is most likely stuck there... unless his life is a movie because that stuff only happens in the movies! Lol

[jaredsp]

But he has to get to that stage first. He needs to create the missing attraction between them. He needs to be his own person, do things that HE wants to do, have fun with her, bust on her a little in a totally playful way... but have fun. be fun, funny, confident, cocky.... all these things that attrack women physically. Once that has been created, he may have the chance of "going out" with her. Then, as the relationship matures, he can start working on building that, being there for her the way she needs him to be, things like that.

Otherwise, he will always just be a friend to her.. maybe a BEST friend, but still just a friend. Once he is locked into that, he is most likely stuck there... unless his life is a movie because that stuff only happens in the movies! lol

Thank you all so much

This all helps me a lot

I will keep you all posted

Thank you

-jared

[southpointes]

Yep, there is a lot you can do. You have to create something called 'Attraction'. Friendship really is a great place to start with in dating someone.

Be less avaialble to her. Don't return calls right away. Make her laugh - be the fun guy. No presure - don't mention a relationship.

Learn about dating. Go to these sites:

www.sosuave.com

www.askmen.com - read every dating article

Do you care if you lose her as a friend? I wouldn't - better to love and lose than NOT love at all.

Wildcat is right. Get out of that friends circle you have created and start having other girl friends so she sees that you don't rely on just one friendship.

[DrJ]

Wildcat is right. Get out of that friends circle you have created and start having other girl friends so she sees that you don't rely on just one friendship.

That is golden there, too. There are other women in the world... and Im sure some are your friends... go hang out with them, too!

Ya know how you don't really want something until someone else wants it... then suddenly you REALLY want it... just a thought ;)

[jaredsp]

That is golden there, too. There are other women in the world... and Im sure some are your friends... go hang out with them, too!

Ya know how you dont really want something until someone else wants it... then suddenly you REALLY want it... just a thought ;)

Hahah good advice
Ill get right on it:D

[jaredsp]

OK a little update on my prolem

Lately I've just been focusing on me and her getting closer

But I've also tried to stray far from the "friend zone" with her

I just feel that time is all that she needs.

I think she is still getting used to being without her exbf

Because she has told me that she was "very close to having sex with him"

And she was then (and still is) a virgin.

So like I said

I think that time will help the relationship blossem

Thanks to anyone who gave advice

Any other advice anyone cares to give with be greatly appriciated

[talaniman]

Don't get your hopes up! OH by the way do you have a life ,just in case she comes up with a b/f?:cool: :eek:

[jaredsp]

Lol duh I have a life. I skate and I've been job hunting for about 3 weeks

She's just a very big part of it

Cause she's my best friend

So yea

And if she does choose another guy over me

I'm on with that

I just want her to be happy

If I can't and someone else can all the power to them

[Wildcat21]

"This whole "be friends first boyfriend girlfriend later" is CRAP... pure crap... get that outta your head because it is never, NEVER a good plan!"

The whole problem there is you fall into the 'friend zone' - once a women puts you in the 'friend zone' it's next to impossible to get out of that. It's about a 95% chance of not gettng out of the 'friend zone'. It's just a way women works - once you are categorized a friend, you're done.

I'd consider this a crush and it will go away.

I would express my feelings towards her tactfully, but risk losing her as a friend. But to love and lose than not to love at all!!

[Starman]

Since life is very short, I recommend that in the meantime you also look for a girl who feels the same way about you.