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munroe9801 · Feb 8, 2008, 09:43 PM

If a person at work talks to my supervisor and is derogatory and not true do I have any rights?? :eek:This person told my supervisor that I was a drunk and should not be allowed to oversee a child's workshop that my company hosts. I have been overseeing this project for months. This person knows nothing of my social life as I do not interact with her outside of work at all. No e-mails, no phone calls, nothing. PS I am not a drunk!!

jrebel7 · Feb 8, 2008, 11:56 PM

Hi there Munroe. To address the first part of your question, YES, one always has rights. In the workplace, it is always good to balance out the situation and choose your battles wisely. Sometimes, the battle is worth the fight and other times not.

Not knowing where you live or what type of company you work for, I could not state specifics but will suggest a few ideas. Some workplaces have a way to file a "Grievance" complaint. It is filed, that is, papers are filled out and sent to the appropriate person, then the grievance is investigated from within the company until there is a resolve.

Another suggestion would be to ask for a private meeting with your supervisor, yourself and the person who made the statement. It might help to have an advocate with you at the time that would be impartial.

I hope this helps somewhat. I am sure others will have great suggestions also. Best to you.

munroe9801 · Feb 10, 2008, 09:41 PM

Thanks to everyone who answered. jrebel7 I loved your answer however I work for a countrywide chain store and we are a low volumn sales store. So management is not all that keen on employee on employee issues. I wonder if I should go through the corporate office? I think on the store level I will be told oh okay we'll deal with it and nothing will happen. I don't care so much about myself, but this person talks about everyone (including her best-friend). Other people have quit the because of her mouth.

jrebel7 · Feb 10, 2008, 11:40 PM

Hey there Munroe!

I understand what you are saying. These types of situations are a bit iffy at best... sort of a he said, she said... scenario or... she said she said.. etc. as the case may be.

I just am sad that you are going through this. I have been in a work place where one person could tear up the whole area and generally, nothing was done. I hope others in management positions see your post and give you more suggestions.

I understand when you say on the store level, nothing would be done possibly. If this is a battle worth fighting and you choose to go through corporate, I think a letter should be drawn up with the complaints and if possible have people who have been affected by this person in a negative way, sign the letter but I would have them do it in front of a notary so the notary can put their seal on it, proving that these people did personally sign the letter even if they do not go to a meeting. Generally, group efforts fail in these types of situations and the person trying to help the whole, is the one who gets hurt. I know this doesn't give a lot of hope but if you choose the battle, you have to take whatever comes of it, win or lose. So many times in the work world, who ever makes the biggest noise and most trouble, get the most consideration. Not right but that is how it is sometimes. If you make the complaint and she threatens to sue, the company could decide in her favor just because they don't want to deal with her and the problems she would cause. I am not saying they would as I have no knowledge of your company you work for. It sometimes just becomes an upside down world.

I have found that most of the time when there is an employee who causes anguish and upsets in the office area, the supervisors are generally aware of it already and choose not to do anything about it. I worked in a business for a year and one person was so hateful, would go days without speaking to some employees (it was a small business) but no matter who she was upset with I was the one who got it with both barrels so to speak. I tried kindness, I prayed for her and her family, I did not return the rudeness but it hurt. After a year, I turned in my two week notice. Before I got home that day, the home office in another state had called my home three times, then called back when I got home. Asked why I was leaving. I told them it was just time that I moved on but thanked them for the opportunity to work there. The owner said, "It is (and named the employee), isn't it?" I saw no need to answer. The employees in charge of the office both asked me why and I responded the same that it was just time I moved on which was true. They both said, "It is (and named the person) isn't it?" I didn't answer. When the employee heard I turned in my letter, she came to me and was just aghast that I was quitting. She asked why. We were alone in the office. I told her I could not deal with her temper tantrums any longer but told her I had not said that to others, but felt she needed to know why. She said that she had never been mad at me even once. I told her it didn't matter, I was still the one who got it. I told her I cared for her and her family but would not continue there. The owner called me and offered to give me the office here in town and said she would move the employee to a different town. I thanked her but said no thank you. (I know the girl had problems and I didn't want to add to them by her having to drive 60 miles to the next town. I eventually went on to become Vice-President of a small company here in town. My point being, most of the time, everyone knows what is going on and chooses not to do anything about it so the person who does try to get it resolved, many times are the ones who get hurt. If it had just been that this person had been unkind, that would be one thing, but apparently she cost you the opportunity of overseeing a project that means a lot to you.

At one point, I worked in a state office and the Director would move ten people to keep from addressing one employee that was not carrying their weight... not right... why cause ten a problem when addressing the problem with the one would have resolved it? Didn't make sense but he didn't want to deal with the fits the one would cause and she would threaten to go to State Office at the capitol and the director here just didn't want to go through all the mess that would cause, right or wrong.

I would just say weigh out the pros and cons. If they are aware of this person's activities and have not done anything already, chances are they won't even if you address it. However, sometimes, we have to have closure to a situation. Whatever you choose to do, you just need to be prepared that it might not resolve the issue but cause more problems for you in the work place. I stay away from stress as much as possible but sometimes, I have had to take a stand. As I say, if you do, just make sure it will be worth it no matter what the outcome. I sincerely wish you well. When someone does wrong, it seems that the wrong should be made right but we live in a fallen world and bad things happen to good people.

I don't know your age or qualifications. Would it be easy for you to find another job should you lose this one or should it become intolerable to your emotional health? Will you be able to let this offense go if you choose not to address it? Many things for you to consider.

I sincerely wish you the best in this dilemma.

pasiria · Feb 10, 2008, 11:55 PM

This is what I would do if I were in your shoes. Confront the person in front of a witness. Remain calm (not easy when you're mad) no matter what. Remember that if you get mad, you loose. You are the assertive person. Looking strait in the eyes say: Your remark was very disturbing to me. In my ___ time here, I've never encountered such remarks. I'm offended, please be careful because your remarks can hurt company morale or other individual. I have been overseeing this project for months. I'm going to ask you politely to stop your remarks and respect me just as I respect you. Do you have anything to say to me?

Wondergirl · Feb 11, 2008, 12:00 AM

I'm wondering why that person said you are a drunk. Is there evidence or are there stories circulating about your going to bars or parties? Why would this even come up?

SWEETKD · Feb 12, 2008, 04:07 PM

Be the bigger person don't pay the person any attention, cause that's all he/she is looking for. I'm sure you have heard that saying misery loves company, don't give them any feed back (argument)

jrebel7 · Feb 12, 2008, 04:38 PM

Someone once talked about how thoroughly elegant it was to defend oneself as little as possible. (Oscar Wilde, perhaps?? )

SWEETKD gives some good advice. As long as you can do this without compromising what you know to be right and good, that's great. Since it could affect your job, there may be other things to consider as discussed in earlier posts. The important thing is that you do what you need to do to have peace in your heart and closure to a negative experience.