[borders]

My husband says I should greet him when he comes home from work. Is that the proper way? If I'm occupied with the kids or with dinner or something, when he comes home he doesn't greet me or say hi to me at all and if I look up to give him eye contact he doesn't even look my way, he greets his son (my step-son). Our son together is 3 and he knows no better, he'll greet his dad immediately. What is right?

[N0help4u]

Greet him when you don't have your hands full.
I think that is one of the reasons marriages go stagnet
They start taking each other for granted.
Its walk in the door, sit down, watch TV and your lucky to get
"dinners done and a good night between the two of you...
May be far from that for you now but that is where it goes.
So great him and show him you appreciate him.
It might even be contagious:D

[twinkiedooter]

Please, by all means greet him when he comes through the door. He has spent all day at work having to deal with people who some of whom I'll bet he doesn't like. When he sees you and his loving family, he's relaxed instantly and put into a much, much better mood. Plan on greeting him by looking at the clock and knowing he's coming home at such and such time. This way he knows that he's loved and wanted by his wonderful family.

The fact he's been cool to you some days may be due to the day he's just put in at work and has nothing to do with you at all. The little guy 3 years old loves his dad and shows it daily so dad knows exactly where he stands with him!

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see, you should have his slippers, pipe and a cold drink ready for him, when you hear him driving up the drive way.
You should then ( already be in your good dress) sit at his side and listen to all he did during the day.

** I saw this on Father Knows Best back in the 50's I think
Have been trying for 30 years to get my wife to do it, hope you have a lot better luck

For me, I actually sort of yell at the door I am home, don't want to scare them hearing the door opening, ( I sort of like the navy thing so I ask permission to come aboard) and when I come in, I say hello to my wife, if she is no busy I go give her a kiss and then say something to my son, who may or may not come give me a hug.

But every family has their own routine.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

OMG are we in the 1950's? So what the husband had spent a long and hard day at work, what do you think this woman delt with all day? Manicures and stawberries with chocolate? HELL NO! She has a house to clean (and may I remind you that with kids the house can get 10 times as messy) a well nutritioned meal for 4 (that may also take awhile) and a resposibility of rearing two children (that can take up A LOT of time).

Do you men think we have nothing better to do but then to cater to your' every single want and need? If she is going to risk burning the food, or leaving the some sort of eletrical appliance on that one of the children could get into just to say hi, then by all means she should go for it. If she doesn't have time, she doesn't have time.

Borders, this is such a minor thing that shouldn't even be worth discussing because you will get a bunch of men who will, of course, say you have to be the first. I don't understand what your' husband thinks but in my opnion, if you have time then greet him. If you can't then he should greet you, for being his loving wife, taking care of his children and house and making him a hot meal when he gets home.

He sounds selfish to me.

But then again this is my opinion.

[rgman]

Our house rule is simple. Whomever comes in greets the one that is already there. If I am home and my girlfriend gets home after me. She comes to me and kisses and greets me. If she is home when I get home, I kiss and greet her.

[N0help4u]

Borders, this is such a minor thing that shouldn't even be worth discussing because you will get a bunch of men who will, of course, say you have to be the first.

... and single old ladies:D that wish they had a good guy to pamper and get pampered back ---(with chocolate covered strawberries ummm) maybe if she hugged him at the door he just might stop for them berries on the way home from work someday :D

[deeva28]

I think that you should compromise and greet one another. If you are busy and can't greet him then he needs to respect that you also have a 'job' maintaining the household. I don't think that you should drop everything and go and help him and I don't think that many other people will think that either.

[shygrneyzs]

I can see June Cleaver in her smart, fashionable shirt-dress, wearing medium heels, with her famous string of pearls just waiting for Ward to come home. June did not do anything all day except cook and clean, monitor Wally and the Beav, put up with Wally's smart aleck friend, Eddie (and the rest), and all the nonsense the Beav would come up with. She should have been paid!

Honestly, in this world, that does not happen much anymore. When your husband comes home and your hands are full, common sense would say that he should understand. Of course, you could come running with your hands messy from breading chicken or making biscuits or wiping a todder's behind. That is crazy, you'd say. To me it is just as crazy as the caveman coming home to the cavewife, expecting the world to stop because he walked in the door.

It is about mutual respect and understanding that each carries their day to the other and each deserves to be acknowledged.

[kp2171]

If I am home and my wife comes through the door there is usually a brief "hello", maybe a peck. She needs ten or twenty minutes to decompress, change clothes, etc...

Then, when we can actually engage, I always crave a meaningful "girlfriend" kiss (meaning a kiss that you'd give when dating, not when under the stress of a family life).

Let me say this about the idea of the 50's concept.

If this guy wants her to greet him, sure... it can be insensitive to what she is working though, and that's not OK. Its not all about him.

That said... I think he should get some props for desiring her affection... lets call him a tactless guy who has affection for his mate??

There was a time when my wife hated when I rushed out the door in the mornings without kissing her if she had a later start and was sleeping "in"... she expected me to wake her for the kiss. Now the roles are switched... her starts are often earlier than mine and she can leave without a kiss if I am passed out.

I think that has more to do with where she is mentally. She has loads of stuff to do, and she's willing to let me stay passed out as long as I can.

This guy is probably thinking about his wife, especially later in the day. Again, I think he's a little selffish for wanting her to drop everything in a breath. I think she also should be glad that he still craves her attention.

I think about the post here last month of the couple married less than a year and the guy doesn't hardly speak to her, changes his clothes, and shuts himself in the bedroom while he scrolls through porn.

So maybe he isn't the worst out there.

But maybe once in a while he should surprise her with arranged babysitting, flowers, and dinner out on a moments whim?

So he isn't the devil. He's not a saint. He's another dumb guy who seems to like his wife's affection and is too tactless to suck it up sometimes. Welcome to the man club.

[HistorianChick]

I went through the stages of shock on this one...

The "WHAT??? Are we stuck in the Donna Reed Show??" (as did others, I see)

The "Aww...that's sweet that he wants her to show him some lovin'"

The "Wow... drop everything and run to the door?? Sheesh..."

Now I'm at "If you get home first, kiss him. If he gets home first, he kisses you."

I think that's your best bet. You are not always going to be kissable - bleachy hands, etc - and he's not always going to smell too nice when he comes in. Give and take.. that's what a relationship is! :)

Don't take advantage of each other... appreciate each other... don't compare yourself/him with the way his son responds to him... don't let HIM compare YOU to the way a child responds to Daddy coming home... Kiss him as much as possible! (oh, and expect the same in return! ;) )

[Sand Daddy]

Does it really matter who initiates the greeting??

I may be alone in this thought, but it seems to me the idea is for there to be an acknowledgment of each other with less emphasis on who initiates the act of greeting first.

I don't care if my wife beats me to the punch, nor does she care if I beat here to the punch... we are just thankful to have each other to come home to in the first place.

I personally noticed a significant improvement in my relationship with my wife the second stopped squabbling over ideological concepts and learned just to seize the moment.

[N0help4u]

Does it really matter who initiates the greeting?????

I may be alone in this thought, but it seems to me the idea is for there to be an acknowledgment of each other with less emphasis on who initiates the act of greeting first.

I don't care if my wife beats me to the punch, nor does she care if I beat here to the punch....... we are just thankful to have each other to come home to in the first place.

I personally noticed a significant improvement in my relationship with my wife the second stopped squabbling over ideological concepts and learned just to seize the moment.

Very true especially about the squabbling over who does what and just go for it.

But it doesn't appear like he is willing to initiate until she does so that is why I was saying I think she should... at least until he warms up to she greets me, her hands are full this time so I'll give her the first hug. Then maybe it can be mutual give and take.

[Sand Daddy]

NOhelp4u I do agree with what you're saying, I really do. I think the problem that many individuals run into in a relationships is the "expectation" of something. This is not to say that we shouldn't have them, God knows they are appropriate and very necessary.

Personally, I think the lines often get blurred between reasonable expectations and just simply nit picking our partner to death in an attempt to remold them into something that fits our ideological concepts. We often don't realize that we are even doing this and ultimately become so fixated on that particular expectation that forget what is most important.

[kp2171]

Uh... hmmm... OK...

I was SO WRONG when I posted first...

I had about five or six posts pulled up and scanned through the OP and apparently I was too lazy to get the whole picture.

On second reading, I am a freakin idiot!

All I said was true, IF the guy actually seemed to not be an arse and he just wanted her to pay some attention... but the not making eye contact and crap..?

OK...

Say it out loud... "kp you lazy moron, you didnt read slowly enough for your tired, listless brain cell (there might be only one) to comprehend the original post"... amen. And good night. God bless.

On second read, your husband seems to be a manipulating child who needs his arse wiped with only the right kind of toilet paper or else you are being rude.

Uh...

Yeah.

I think its reasonable to want your spouse to want to come to you when you come home. I desire my wife's presence immediately, though I'm not going to play head games to get it. I just want her next to me now or sooner.

But in no way am I going to act like the jerk he is being.

I am sorry I didn't really comprehend the OP. apparently multiple sentences in a row confuse me.

He should grow up.

[Sand Daddy]

I do agree with kp2171 & NOhelp4u because there are ligidiment circumstances for problems in ones life, relationships, etc. that are a direct result of another human being, event, etc.

However, I do prefer to operate on the following principles for fear of joining what I believe has become a "BLAME Society":

"If you want change, start with yourself"

[N0help4u]

I think the more lovey she is to him the more he will warm up to being lovey to her
--hmmm now we are up to the Howe's (Gilligan's Island)
But he is looking for her to initiate it for some reason or another.
Better than your spouse wanting you to always start 'the arguement' --I've seen a lot of that!

[twinkiedooter]

Hey, this is not the 1950's anymore and June Cleaver is gone. And so is Lucy Ricardo for that matter.

I did not feel that hubby was asking too much and he is not an arse either for asking for this acknowledgement.

She may stay home and take care of the house all day (which is work in itself) BUT she does not have to put up with the commute (however long that is), the rude and obnoxious people at work he has to deal with and is the essential bread winner of the family. How about we show the gentleman some respect here. Is is too much to ask? Not in my book it isn't. He deserves it as he has earned it. But then I'm from the old school anyhow so what do I know.

[shygrneyzs]

I could tell you what he deserves but this is a family friendly forum. Sorry, but they BOTH earned "it."

[JBeaucaire]

This whole thread, even the original post, is beside the point, in my opinion. My wife and I are about to celebrate our 25th anniversary. Whether she's home first or me, whether I've been home all day or she has, when we see each other after hours and hours apart...

... we greet each other. Heartily. Sometimes mushy, always energetically.