[lickemlolly]

OK so I give a lot of advise on these forums but that doesn't mean that I don't have problems too... how else can you give advise unless you have been through some things in your life. I have been with a guy for 4 years. We got married last year valentines day and we have a new baby together as well as a child from my previous rship. I am insecure for many unforseen reasons by others. I came home early one night from work because I had training I came into the house and the chain was on the door. Right then the alrm in my head went off. I reached up and took the chain off the door. Well my husband meets me at the door and tells me he has something to show me outside. I played it off because I knew something was up and I told him that I wasn't in the mood. He begged me to go outside with him but I didn't so I went in the bedroom and right of bat he started guarding the closet so I knew that there was someone in my house. I was home for and hour just to see how long it would take him to fess up before I moved him front of the closet and found another woman hiding in there. Both of my kids were awake at the time so I told her to get the hell out of my house.she left quietly and he kept telling me that there was nothing going on she was just a friend from high school and she came by to see the kids its nothing its nothing. So I asked him why she was hiding in the closet then and he says to me that he knew I would overreact. So I ask him why didn't he call me at work to tell me that she was coming by or why didn't his common sense tell him to tell her that heh it 1045 at night my wife might flip if she comes home and sees you here. He says to me should have and that he's sorry. He keeps apologizing to me and telling me that he messed up but nothing was going on. He's begs me to stay with him saying that he needs his family and he needs me. Should I believe him

[EuRa]

Should you believe him?

No. If it was "just a friend" and nothing more, then he should have told you about her long ago. That's what marriage is. Trusting, bonding, sharing, etc. If he didn't tell you about her, then HE'S the one with something to hide.

Your kids were awake? Mistake number 2 on his part. HOW DARE HE put you in that position. What kind of an idiot is this guy?

He lied, then he lied to cover up his lies. What's to say that he hasn't lied before and won't ever lie again? He's not sorry for his actions, HE'S SORRY HE GOT CAUGHT! If he was really sorry for his actions, he'd fess up to everything without you ever finding out. Did he? Do you think he would have? I don't think so. LIAR!

It's not going to go away on its own. Not by a long shot. I suggest a marriage counselor if you want to save the marriage. I don't think you can just forgive and forget... because this is only year one. Without a solid foundation, you cannot build. You need to fix it. That's what counselors do. GL to you.

[Romefalls19]

I wouldn't believe you, to be honest... I think he is just sorry he got caught, he never would have told you she was there. Hiding in a closest is a classic cheating hideout... The final decision is ultimately up to you, but if you want to think you can believe him. Have him tell you her name, and then ask to see his yearbook and see if she even went to high school with him. Gut instinct is, don't trust him he's cheating

[lickemlolly]

I don't now if it can be saved now. Every time I'm not home or he goes out I think that he is doing something. Then part of me keeps asking myself, what if he is telling the truth and she was just a friend and I gave up my marriage for nothing? I told him long ago we needed counseling I'm positive that he feels safe like I am not going to leave matter of fact he acts as though nothing has happened. He changed his cellphone # trying to prove a point to me. I just can't stop asking myself what if he is telling the truth. He says that he never mentioned her because they saw each other at the store earlier that day and that's how they met up. I asked him how she knew where he lived and he said that he told her what complex he stayed in and that she wanted to come by to see his kids. He also tells me that she mentioned her fiancé lived in the area and she was coming to see him later and would it be OK for her to drop by. He tells her he will wait outside around 10. But he says they never exchanged numbers she was just driving through and he was standing outside. I'm not stupid... I live in a huge apt complex... so she drove through the whole damn complex to find out where you live? Come on now.. part of my problem is that by me having 2 kids I'm not so sure that I can afford to stay by myself which is part of the reason I'm still living in the house. I haven't let him in on the fact that I'm considering leaving.

[EuRa]

I'd still get advice from a professional first. Most people on this site are just boyfriend and girlfriend, don't have kids, or their problems are much deeper and more defined than yours. You have a lot of iffy details and un-answered questions. I don't feel comfortable giving you advice on what to do, only on if I think he lied or not, or if he's sorry, etc. But what to do? Not in this case.

That's why I suggest a professional. Even if it's expensive, a few hundred dollars could help you fix the marriage, or give you then unquestioned reasoning to leave. Either way, you'd feel 100% in your decision. If you stay or leave without professional help, I think you'll be second-guessing yourself for the rest of your life. And a couple hundred bucks is a small price to pay for the rest of your life.

Not to mention... children are involved. So it's not just one life, it's several lives. You want what's best for them too I bet. So seeking a professional opinion is my answer.

You should find out where one exists, how much it costs, and then talk to your husband about it. If he really cares, he will understand and want to go with you. If he REALLY REALLY cares, he'll even pay for it, since all this is his fault.

[talaniman]

Hiding a female in the closet, is as dumb as it gets. Sure they weren't smoking crack? Naw, my wife would have killed me. Somebody needs to come clean for sure, and asap!! He sleeps in the doghouse until he does.

[TrueFaith]

If he is with you and can't trust you to bring a high school friend around..

Well that's not your problem its his

Be pisst at him till he tells the truth

[friend4u178]

Well I must confess I have NEVER hidden someone in the closet who just came around for a visit. That's absurd.

[duck22]

I can not relate to this story so I do not want to try to give any advice, however I will give you my opinion on the matter. The guy is a cheater and you caught him red handed. It doesn't matter if he did anything with her or not, his attentions were obvious since he had to hide her in the closet for an hour.

[Homegirl 50]

Not only did he hide her in the closet, he had the chain lock on the door. He wanted to be warned when you came in. To cheat is a scoundrel, to have the woman in your house with your kids, is a low down dirty scoundrel.
He got caught and is crying. Please! I would bet you anything if you had not caught him that night, you would some other night.

[wewed100606]

Hey... just get some help. Counseling would really help. I don't believe him for a minute, but do you think he still loves you and wants to be with you? If he does I think you give it a shot and get some professional help to maybe find out what has caused this and see if some help might help you get over your paranoia. I don't believe in running away from an issue in a marriage. I believe in addressing it and dealing with it. Taing the fact and the feelings at the end, and if they point to leaving leave, but not until you exhaust your options... you were in love enough to marry only a year ago! That isn't gone... you are just mad and disheveled. Therapy will help you both get your heads on straight in order to make the right decision. I am sorry you have to go through this.