[Kate51283]

I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago. He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in. He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries I have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money. He also hates going out because he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out. Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what I can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?

[EuRa]

There's two sides to every story. Obviously it sounds like he's cheap from your point of view. He might have a different version of the same story. It's too hard to tell.

In his defense, he's not obligated to spend any specific amount on you for Christmas, or anything else for that matter. He doesn't have to pay for a damn thing other than the essentials, and as long as you both hold up your ends of the bargain, he's technically not doing anything wrong. After all, you guys aren't married, so he technically doesn't owe you anything. Also, if you are complaining about sharing all these bills and rent, think about what it would be like to live ALONE. It's much more expensive that way.

HOWEVER, if he is reminding you about what he's paid for (and I mean constantly), and makes a big deal about money all the time, and isn't willing to work with you to solve any arguments or problems, then at least you know all this stuff and you can still get out without too many problems, and before it gets worse.

[Fr_Chuck]

The two of you if you are going to live together and share bills, need to work out a budget, if you are paying bills together, you both also need to agree on large purchases like a car and so on.

If you can not work out a budget now, it will only get worst latter.

[twinkiedooter]

Hey, this guy has it made in the shade if you ask me. He's convinced you to move in with him and pay some of his bills for him as well. Wowee! If you continue to keep funding his lifestyle he's going to buy an even MORE expensive car with all the money he's saved having you as his live in bill payer and bedmate to boot.

Move out of the cheap skate's house as soon as you can as he's only going to get WORSE and will happily take more of your money.

Usually, usually, when a guy asks you to move in with him, HE pays the bills not asks someone to split them with him. What were you thinking? Is he that good in bed, that handsome, etc. that you have to PAY for the privilege of living with him?

Get your own place or get a female roommate who will not nickel and dime you to death.

I can almost guarantee that Mr. Cheap Skate has had quite a string of former live in girlfriends before and when one smartens up and moves out he just replaces her with another live in sucker. I've seen these financial predators before and they are out there in droves. So be on your guard for the next guy who asks you to live with him.

You have been taken, big time, honey, and it's time to wake up and smell the money leaving your wallet with those cute little wings.

[TrueFaith]

He sounds like a smart man.

It does not matter if he makes 90.000 a year or 1.6 million a year. He doesn't really have to help you out with anything.
He isn't cheap just careful you have only been with him 7months

If this is a problem get out because he isn't going to change.

[Alty]

Is there a mortgage on the house? If so then I think it's only fair that your name should be added, that way if you break up you'll be able to get back what you put in, otherwise you are just paying half of his mortgage which enables him to spend his money on other stuff while you help pay off his house. I also believe that the amount of money each of you make should determine how much you pay, it's not fair that he can spend his money on anything he wants and you never have any money left over. Are you boyfriend and girlfriend or just roommates? If you are planning on being together for a lifetime than you are both working towards a common goal, if not then what's the point?

[LivingtheLifeinFLA]

My friend just went through this. How much credit card debt do you have? She had $62,000 and he was trying to teach her a lesson.

However, in the long run if it was me personally, I would continue to pay the expenses because it really doesn't cost more when your partner lives with you. Then if you do have credit card debt, you need to pay x dollars towards it until its paid off.

If no debt, then it goes in a joint fund for emergencies.

My take, he's cheap and you will get tired of this real soon. A spender and a saver are like oil and water.

[talaniman]

If you can't pull your own weight, then your in the wrong place.

[nadia999]

OMG, leave his , this so unfair, he is making triple your salary and asking you to pay half the bills?
You are common law couple, he should even give you money, he is a very cheap man, just like Twinkiedooter said better live with a female roommate.
He is using you financially and physically, keep away form cheap ones, their the worst, how even can you sleep with someone has no regards and consideration for what you're going through financially

[ISneezeFunny]

wait wait wait... I don't see how this is "unfair"

she lives there, she should pay half... no matter how much he makes. So if he makes less than her, she should pay more? Why? If anything, it should be 50-50, no matter what. If he offers to pay a little more, then that's generous of him, but she shouldn't say BUT HE MAKES MORE... and expect him to "excuse" her. If they were married, it's a different story, but in a relationship, why not?

This has happened to me before. I made 3 times what my girlfriend made and my girlfriend wanted me to pay the rent while she paid the utilities.. . it doesn't make sense now... but I was young and in love. I went with it. I also ended paying for groceries, whenever we went out, etc. It just wasn't a fair relationship.

nadia999 claims that he should give her money. WHY? So if she made more money than he did, should she give HIM money? No way.

He is cheap/immature for mentioning that he always ends up paying for you. As far as Christmas gifts... he really doesn't have to spend a certain value. Just because he makes money doesn't mean he should spend it. However, if he specifically told you, "I'm spending as much on you as you spend on me" then it's just immature.

It's not a matter of being cheap. It's a matter of you wanting him to spend more money on you and him being immature. Perhaps he loves money a little too much.

If you can't afford the rent, then move out... find a roommate in a smaller place. As far as you wanting him to spend more money on you, I'd tone that down. No guy ever wants to hear his girl complain about how little money he spends on her. It's his money. He earned it. If he wants to blow all his salary on a new Hummer without spending a dime on you, it shouldn't matter.

[EuRa]

Bah, I can't give you more rep Sneeze, but if I could I would. That's an excellent post.

There is no way in hell this guy forced her to move in with him. She moved in on her own free will. I'm sure a discussion about payment was made BEFORE she moved in, otherwise it would be a stupid move on her part. And now that time has passed, her feelings have changed about what she should pay. Well that's tough titties. You're a grown up, you're the one who moved in, so you're the one responsible for half of everything. You're not married, just like Sneeze (and I already stated), so there's nothing wrong with the current living situation.

The ONLY thing that you can accuse him of is being a jerk if he's rubbing it in your face, or trying to make you feel worthless with words only. He's gone through life, paid his dues, and now he's reeping in the benefits from a good job. Why should he get dumped on if he wants to buy a new car? THEY AREN'T MARRIED PEOPLE! He can do whatever he wants to do with his life and his earnings.

If they were married, this would be a totally different issue. If she moved in before she made an agreement with him about payment, then that's her own stupid fault. I doubt that happened, because she doesn't sound stupid. She agreed to pay half from the very beginning, so why should that change? She's currently a room mate with relationship benefits and nothing more. Room mates pay half. Get over it!


-- PS - I will soon my moving in with my girlfriend, and going to college full time, so I won't have a job. She makes well over 40K a year, so should she pay 100% of everything because I'm not earning one cent? NO! Im selling my Corvette, my bike, my atv, and anything else I can find to make up for HALF the rent and utilities. It's the only fair way.

[talaniman]

Its not cheap to expect people, to pay their fair share.

[cgregory67]

If your paying 1/3 at 30k with $50 left over is he paying 2/3 at 90k with $150 left over? Seems to me that FR_CHUCK gave the best advice.

[LivingtheLifeinFLA]

I like the posts by the women that say he should pay more.

Here's another example, I stay in every Friday and Saturday and study. My roommate parties nonstop. I get a 4.0 average, the roommate gets a 2.0 average.

Therefore, its only fair for me to give my roommate 1.0 of my average so that we both get a 3.0 average. YEAH RIGHT!

[nadia999]

Hat's the difference between married couple and common law married couple, it is all about feelings, right? And what you mean if they were married it is a different story, he is not going to be a different person because there is a little nuptial paper.
Yes if she makes more should be the same, it all about fair sharing, and they are not roommate they are sleeping together, they are in love so I think he is being callous.
And if she feels he is cheap then he is cheap, because people are different what seems cheap to one woman might seem fair to another woman. She's got to go with what she thinks fair and if it is not to her, then it is not and he is not your type.

[ISneezeFunny]

hat's the difference between married couple and common law married couple, it is all about feelings, right? and what you mean if they were married it is a different story, he is not going to be a different person because there is a little nuptial paper.

Following your logic, I should ask, why don't people just have kids when they're dating? I mean, it's not like they'll be a different couple when they get married, right? It's just a nuptial paper...

no... when you're married, you're usually joining bank accounts and thinking of raising children together as you two are now one functioning unit.

and they are not roommate they are sleeping together, they are in love so I think he is being callous.

So... tell me, if you had a boyfriend, and he made less than you, you'd give up your paycheck so that you two will earn the same amount?

Say... for my optimism sake, I will be a surgeon. A specialized surgeon in the U.S. makes roughly $200k. Let's say the girl I date (and live with) makes $40k a year working at macy's. Should I pay the entire rent, car payment, buy her a car, groceries, etc? Why? Of course, if I made that much more, I'd offer to pay a bit more... but why should I give up more of my money... for a girl I'm simply "dating"? Yes, living together IS a commitment, but it's not a commitment like a joint mortgage is a commitment.

And if she feels he is cheap then he is cheap, because people are different what seems cheap to one woman might seem fair to another woman. She's gotta go with what she thinks fair and if it is not to her, then it is not and he is not your type.

If she feels he's cheap then he's cheap?. what? If someone thinks I'm a serial killer then I'm a serial killer?. my ex once thought I was cheating on her... so I was? no...

I agree with your last statement. If she thinks he's being cheap, then yes... he may not be right for her... however, she came onto this forum to ask if she's being reasonable.

My answer: no, you're not being reasonable. He IS being a bit immature and rude by shoving it in your face, but for you to expect/want him to pay more... is being unreasonable.

[nadia999]

Well, there are living together for 7 months, this is more than 6 months that means by law they are in common law marriage.
Well, good luck finding a woman marrying you with that attitude, you make more than double her salary and you want her to share the same? God you are so cheap man, and I say the same the other way around
When a woman moves in with a man they are a couple, you don't just move in with some one you're dating, this is a marriage, if she should share the way you think, I think she should just consider that she is his roommate with benefits.

[Kia]

I think that if he eally loves her, they should come to an agreement about how much money she should pay so that she is not left dead broke: $50!. cmon. That is her MAN; not a roommate. The rules can be bent a little. Maybe an agreement could be met, maybe he could help he get a higher paying job. He should not stress her. I say he's being cheap!

And lets be realistic; 9 times out of 10 if the situation were switched most women would probably take over more of the bills if she loved her man and allowed him to move in knowing his financial situation ( and he made that much more than him. Women are nurturers so that how it usually ends up.

[Kia]

I meant if SHE made that much more than him

[TrueFaith]

Naidia I think you just got schooled.

It sounds to me like the rest of these people have a better understanding of a relationship than you do

Common law marriage after 6 months? Where do you live?

I tell you you're a scary person :)

Bottom Line She moved in with him. If she can't pay her way get out. Or move in with a SAP that pays everything for her

Simple as that