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Angel84 · Jan 14, 2006, 01:06 AM

Hi Everyone, I am new and really appreciate your help:).. I have just started having sex a couple months ago w/ my boyfriend. I am no longer with him but I was still curious about this issue. This question is more geared towards males but I would be glad to get a response from either sex. My question is when having sex and a guy is on top like in missionary position do most guys like to be in control and have the female remain still? Or Do guys like to have a female move with him? :confused: Hope this doesn't sound like a dumb question. Thanks :o

Chery · Jan 14, 2006, 01:38 AM

First, welcome to the forum, and hope you enjoy your stay with us.
Second, no this is not a dumb question. Once anyone forms the question in their mind, it's time to get the answers. When you're with that special someone, make sure that you both are protected against any unwanted pregnancy or disease - that's rule number 1. If the young man does not respect that and refuses to use a condom, then don't even mess with him. It's way too dangerous out there in the world to learn about the joys of sex and have it shortened by not being careful.
Now, as far as control, no - real men don't want you to just lay there doing nothing, because that's an indication that you are not enjoying yourself and he should feel that he is neglecting you and your satisfaction. I'm talking about men, not boys who don't have the experience and just go through the motions. That's why young people should always communicate and ask questions of each other to find out who likes what. That's a part of learning to get to know each other best.
If you feel like kissing him on the chest, or neck, or gently squeezing his buns during sex, it's absolutely fair and he'll enjoy it too. If you feel like going along with the rhythm and meeting him stroke for stroke, this is also OK, as this brings excitement to both of you.
But dear, before even going that far with someone, you should know each other well enough and have had time to talk about such a very personal subject between you that you both should feel comfortable in telling each other what you like as you explore each other and above all trust each other to tell the truth when you don't like something.
You could also both look up some basic literature and read and talk about it openly together, as this is as close as any couple can get.
The main things are safety, communication, and knowing and trusting one another. Other than that, I don't think I've left anything out.
Good luck in your discovery of a new chapter in your life and enjoy it in safety.

Hope I've helped a little, and am sure some men will be on soon to give their point of view.

Take it slow, safe, and communicate.

fredg · Jan 14, 2006, 05:54 AM

Hi,
Positions in sex should be up to both partners. If the relationship is such that both are honest, respectful, and caring for each other, then one will learn what the other likes the most.
It is only through talking, and experience with a partner, that the best can be achieved for both. If you don't particularly like one thing, then talk with each other about it.
Now about your question of the lady just lying there, doing nothing...
Your partner willl know if you are being satisfied only if you are telling him, or showing him in some way during sex. If you don't say anything, don't move much, I would say that you aren't having a very good time!
Both partners should show the other that they are enjoying it... by telling each other, showing each other with movements, hands, etc.
If you find a partner, and you are really "getting into it", you can't help but move with him, because you won't be able to control yourself! If you aren't being satisfied, then you will probably just lay there, like a wet dishcloth.

As another said, please be aware of the chance you might get pregnant! Also, diseases are easily transmitted from one person to another. Here is something you might think about:
1. 40% of all girls in the US are pregnant before they are 20 yrs old. Scary, isn't it.
2. No condom, pill, etc, is 100% safe from pregnancy. The manufacturers of the products even say this.
So, if you want to have sex, be prepared that if you become pregnant, are you ready for it?
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 14, 2006, 08:11 AM

Actually most guys don't. Sex is not an issueof control, it is a issue of pleasure and enjoyment and love for each other. ( esp when you are married)

Sex can involved a entire variety of positions and all sorts of activities in foreplay.

If someone does not want the femaie to be responsive they either have some serious sexual desires, or they don't know enough about sex and the enjoyment of both parties.

lilfyre · Jan 14, 2006, 10:26 AM

Sex is not just for him, it is for both of you, and you should both enjoy it together, it should not be solely the man, enjoying it, then you get what I like to say as the ‘Get on get off, get off, syndrome” again it should be for both of you and you should not just have to lay still.

Cherry, chuck and Fred have brought up excellent point. I just had to add then blunt side of this question.

Chery · Jan 14, 2006, 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by lilfyre

Sex is not just for him, it is for both of you, and you should both enjoy it together, it should not be solely the man, enjoying it, then you get what I like to say as the ‘Get on get off, get off, syndrome” again it should be for both of you and you should not just have to lay still.

Cherry, chuck and Fred have brought up excellent point. I just had to add then blunt side of this question.

Too bad I can't rate anyone anymore today, beause you added a very important point here. Some men are selfish and should be avoided when possible as they will not take any responsibility for mishaps and always think they are right. The 'wham, bam, thank you mam' days are long gone, thank goodness!

Your 'two-cents' are worth a million some times!

lilfyre · Jan 14, 2006, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by Chery

Too bad I can't rate anyone anymore today, beause you added a very important point here. Some men are selfish and should be avoided when possible as they will not take any responsibility for mishaps and always think they are right. The 'wham, bam, thank you mam' days are long gone, thank goodness!

Your 'two-cents' are worth a million some times!

I know I can not rate anymore either, A lot of good post today and I ran out of rates, I don't know if I am:o :( :mad: :confused: well I am just:eek: Well you know. (O:

nymphetamine · Jan 14, 2006, 12:59 PM

Yes. Yes they do. Tie him up and whip him into submission.

Chery · Jan 14, 2006, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by crankiebabie

Yes. Yes they do. Tie him up and whip him into submission.

Now, that's a fantasy I haven't used in a long time, thanks for the reminder... can't find my whip, guess I'll have to use something else.

NOT kidding!

Fr_Chuck · Jan 14, 2006, 04:00 PM

There is so much about "sex" that has to be unlearned. Now I do not recommend free sex like in the 60's, it is a wonder any of us from those years did not catch enough things to kill all of mankind.

Next I still recommend that sex is best and for a married couple, where the unity of the couple is free and unburdened.

Without getting too specific into sexual details, your imangination should be the limit. First the bedroom is not the only room in the house, the lights do not have to be off, and fun is so important, Everything from massaging oils, body paints, even role playing can make many fun experiences.

Chery · Jan 14, 2006, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

There is so much about "sex" that has to be unlearned. Now I do not recommend free sex like in the 60's, it is a wonder any of us from those years did not catch enough things to kill all of mankind.

Next I still recommend that sex is best and for a married couple, where the unity of the couple is free and unburdened.

Without getting too specific into sexual details, your imangination should be the limit. First the bedroom is not the only room in the house, the lights do not have to be off, and fun is so important, Everything from massaging oils, body paints, even role playing can make many fun experiences.

I was one of the moral and lucky ones of that era and proud of it, although I did survive three rapes and did not 'catch' anything then either, thank goodness. What counts is good clean fun between two consenting adults, no matter where or when. The institution of marriage is not what it used to be either, but we do have a right for a piece of happiness with or without that paper - my opinion, and still respect yours.

Best wishes to you and your family, Fr_Chuck.

rajeevsrai · Jan 14, 2006, 10:25 PM

Depends upon the guy. As of me I would like both the partners active and play their part.but there are folks who like gals just still.so depends upon your man.

Angel84 · Jan 15, 2006, 01:51 AM

Thanks everyone for the feedback.. I will def. take them all into consideration;)

Chery · Jan 15, 2006, 06:35 AM

Originally Posted by Angel84

thanks everyone for the feedback..i will def. take them all into consideration;)

That's what we are here for, and you are very welcome, any time. Hope you stay on and join our little 'family'.

nwsflash · Jan 15, 2006, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by rajeevsrai

me i would like both the partners active and play their part.but there are folks who like gals just still.so depends upon ur man.

I think it all depends on what you both want out of it, there is a diffrence between making love and having sex. Myself I have to say that its good 50/50 and both been active. But as long as you both get pleasure out of what your doing, and you can both please one another.:) I would find it very boaring if the other party in the act just lay there like a sack of spuds! But I guess every one is different and it take all sorts to keep this globe spinning.

We now live in the 21st Cent' and women are just as equal as men.

nero2 · Feb 7, 2006, 02:59 AM

Originally Posted by Angel84

Hi Everyone, I am new and really appreciate your help:) ..I have just started having sex a couple months ago w/ my bf. I am no longer with him but i was still curious about this issue. This question is more geared towards males but I would be glad to get a response from either sex. My question is when having sex and a guy is on top like in missionary position do most guys like to be in control and have the female remain still? Or Do guys like to have a female move with him? :confused: Hope this doesn't sound like a dumb question. thanks :o

No, not all guys. For me is I hope we can take turns to be in control and also we can communicate more with yr partners to closer or relationship. That what I think.

bizygurl · Feb 7, 2006, 06:34 AM

I think whatever you both enjoy, then that's what you should do. I can't imagine any guy not wanting his girl to be moving with him, I would think that would heighten the pleasure.

bizygurl · Feb 7, 2006, 06:37 AM

Originally Posted by nwsflash

I think it all depends on what you both want out of it, there is a diffrence between making love and having sex. Myself I have to say that its good 50/50 and both been active. But as long as you both get pleasure out of what your doing, and you can both please one another.:) I would find it very boaring if the other party in the act just lay there like a sack of spuds !! But I guess every one is diffrent and it take all sorts to keep this globe spinning.

We now live in the 21st Cent' and women are just as equal as men.

I agree with nwsflash, I wouldn't enjoy my partner lying there like a sack of spuds,lol. Even as a woman I would find that boring. If your mate is into it then I would think they should show it.

DJ 'H' · Feb 7, 2006, 07:13 AM

I always move with my fella when he is on top. It just adds to the pleasure ;) - ut men do like women to take control every once in a while :)