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i need to know · Jan 28, 2008, 11:30 PM

OK well I'm a young mother, 17 actually and I have a 6 month old son... I just recently broke up with the baby's father... we were just boyfriend and girlfriend... nothing really serious... I'm afraid he's going to take my son one day for a little bit and not bring him back... I want to know how to file for full custody of my son without the father knowing... somebody told me I can go down to family court and just fill out papers that say I have full custody of my son... is this true?? Can I do that with out the father knowing I did anyhting?? I live in vallejo California... please respond to my question I need help fast... thank you

jasondbel · Jan 29, 2008, 12:30 AM

If you all were never married you already have full custody. Even if his name is on the birth certificate you still have full custody. The only way for him to get custody is to file first, take you to court, and prove you are unfit or catch you in the act of something harmful to the baby even then he would have to file a police report. Its hard for someone to take full custody away from the mother (meaning the mother gave birth without being married). Until then your son is in your custody. For him to disappear would be kidnapping. However, you still need to go to court and place a child support order against him.

excon · Jan 29, 2008, 03:46 AM

Hello I need:

Court isn't about who gets there first and who fills out sneaky papers... It's about the welfare of your child and the support of his or her parents. NOTHING is secret there.

The above advice is accurate. However, unless you can prove that the father is unfit, he's going to get visitation.

excon

jasondbel · Jan 29, 2008, 02:49 PM

It should not be about who files first etc... it should only be about the welfare of the child I definitely agree but whoever shows interest in the custody first and brings it to the court first 9 times out of ten they will be the ones with the custody.

cdad · Jan 29, 2008, 05:29 PM

In some cases it may " feel " like that because the court papers are under consideration in the order they are received but there will still be chances to respond etc. Im just curious as to why it seems a lot of mothers don't bother putting the father down on a birth certificate when they are known to them. Also how old is the father in this case ? If he is under 18 he might not have to " pay " child support till he is 18 and finished high school but he will be in arrears as soon as the order starts with a default judgement entered against him now.

jasondbel · Jan 29, 2008, 06:47 PM

Judykay , I cannot believe you would say such a thing. It is absolutely true that who ever files first will most likely win. You are in denial if you don't know that. Where are from? Why don't you go look it up before you give people a red mark.

excon · Jan 29, 2008, 07:27 PM

Hello jason:

If you understood the procedure, you'd understand how ridiculous that sounds. When a case is opened, the court clerk opens a file. Sometime down the road, when the lawyers are ready, a judge will open the file. I promise you, the dates on the documents WON'T affect his decision.

excon

jasondbel · Jan 29, 2008, 07:29 PM

Husbadn and wife for 15 yrs. The wife wants it over. She calls the police and says he hit or something and it never happened but she made the call first. So the police escort him out of his own home. Next she files a restraining order. Now the guy completely taken off guard didn't even see it coming is now forced to stay away from the home he bought and his kids until it gets to court. Because she filed a report first she is in charge. Now the man is labeled and has no rights because she wanted it over. Now a judgement is passed and the man pays alimony child support and loses everything he worked so hard for 15 yrs to achieve overnight because she made the first move. Not only did he lose everything but now he has to first spend all his money proving he not a violent person just get to see his kids then he has to pay for a joint custody hearing and by that time years have gone by.
True story. So don't tell me crap about its not a race.
If this guy has a place to live and he files a motion for custody and shows that he wants to a father to his children, trust me, a man making an initiative to be father- the judge is going to side with the father. If you make a move first the father is going to have to prove a pay double.
When it comes to custody you either have the stomach for it or don't have kids. I just went through a custody battle a won full custody! My friend has full custody of his three kids. Men are getting custody of their children because they are making the first move they are taking advantage of their rights and stepping up to the plate.
Granted, both parties get a statement- you know, there are only a few people on this sight that actually have a clue and that is scottgem, excon, talaniman and a few others. Wait for their response because some people want to have a clue but don't. Me included.

excon · Jan 29, 2008, 07:35 PM

Originally Posted by jasondbel

True story. So dont tell me crap about its not a race.

Hello again, jason:

Because there is a guy out there who doesn't know how to defend himself, doesn't change my opinion.

excon

ScottGem · Jan 29, 2008, 07:37 PM

To need,
You left out one very key piece of info here. Is the father on the birth certificate? If he is you are not going be doing anything behind his back. As soon as you file a petition in Family Court for full custody, they will contact the father and let him know of the petition. If he is on the because then you do NOT have Full Custody. You have PHYSICAL custody, but he has joint custody when it comes to decisions about his child. Whether he exercises that custody is another matter. If he choose to seek visitation, unless you can prove him unfit, he will probably get it.

If he is not on the because, then you do have full custody, both physical and responsible. However, he can still challenge that by taking you to court. He will have to get a paternity test to prove he's the father.

So what the birth certificate says is key to answering your question.

Aside to Jason, Judy is correct. Whoever files first doesn't matter. Assuming both are listed on the because, whoever files first the other will be contacted and have their day in court. The scenario you cite is totally different from the OP's scenario. Yes, in a case of domestic abuse, whoever files first gains the upper hand. But the OP's situation is not one of domestic abuse, its one of simple custody.