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    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #1

    Jan 10, 2006, 08:20 AM
    Feeling Lost...
    Ok - so I have a great boyfriend some really good friends, my DJing is going well, however I feel really lost. I feel like I have no direction in life and I am not satisfied with my life as it is.

    I want want most girls want - to get married, have a house of my own and a family (one day) - but I really want to travel. I went to Australia for two months and vowed I would go back and at least try to travel to New Zealand Canada & America as well. I would be saving to do this - but now I have Pete I cannot bear the thought of leaving him; I thought I would be happy to just go there for Holidays; but since my parents split up, getting a way is all I can think about; but I am torn with the idea because of my boyfriend.

    I am not sure if I am just feeling this way because my parents have split up; and I am wanting to run from the problem or if it is something that I really want to do.

    I don't want the boring mudain routine of life yet - I want to live & enjoy life; and be spontaneous - I am coming up 22yrs - so I am still young; am I being selfish? Or just stupid?
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #2

    Jan 10, 2006, 08:47 AM
    Do things
    Hi,
    I can really, really relate to what you are saying.
    Go for it! Take those trips you want to take.
    At 63 yrs old, there were many, many things I wanted to do when I was much younger, and didn't do them. Although I had the chances, just didn't take them... wish I had now.
    At 24, I was married for the first time. Soon were 2 children. Without money, traveling is not possible for most of us.
    I wouldn't have missed my first marriage for anything, with 2 great children, but still wish I had "seen more of the world".
    It goes without saying that "you are only young once"; so true. Before you know it, you will be married to a wonderful man, settling down, and if you don't have enough money, then traveling is out.
    I don't see this as "running away", since you have been thinking about it before. If Pete can't go with you, then I'm sure he will understand you doing what will help you be happy. He sounds like a wonderful man!
    Again, Do it now. Because later, it is usually more difficult to "follow one's dreams".
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #3

    Jan 10, 2006, 08:50 AM
    I know you are right. I am just not so sure I can leave Pete behind should he decide not to come with me.
    mr.yet's Avatar
    mr.yet Posts: 1,725, Reputation: 176
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    #4

    Jan 10, 2006, 08:58 AM
    Feelings
    Hi, when feeling down, search your soul and heart, set goals for yourself and try to live by them.:)

    I like your new avatar!! :)
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #5

    Jan 10, 2006, 09:17 AM
    I know what I need to do but if Pete does not like the idea then I would be fearful of losing him if I went.

    I don't mean losing him because of going, but because time apart would lead us down different paths. I would not want that.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #6

    Jan 10, 2006, 10:26 AM
    You are right, that time apart could cause people to go down in different paths. Right now you two are just getting to know each other. If you want to travel some, and you let Pete know that you would love to travel to some places and would love him to travel with you. See what he says? I am sure he would love to do some travelling with you? You might not travel as much but it would be even better experiances if you did this together. If he is interested in getting to know you better and spend more time together going on trips together would be a great way to show you that he is interested in your dreams and love of travelling.

    Like I said before communication is the key. The thing is I would not go on and on about it because then that will make him feel that maybe you are trying to get away.

    Joe
    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #7

    Jan 10, 2006, 10:43 AM
    Please go traveling, have fun, whatever you want to do. You will really regret it if you don't! Once you're married, have kids, etc, you will have more obligations than you ever thought possible and your time will not be your own. Everything you do, you'll have to consult your spouse, consider what is best for the children, the finances... ad infinitum. I'm only 26 but I have had a really interesting life so far, done a lot of travelling, went to university, did many of the things I couldn't possibly manage once I had a family. Now I'm pregnant and engaged, but I feel satisfied with all the things I did. I'm ready to settle down. If you don't feel ready for a "mundane boring existence", don't force it on yourself!

    You are not being stupid or selfish. Actually you are very smart. I have a couple of friends who married very young... one at 20 and one at 17! They really regret it now. They both have children and the children have to come first, so they don't get to do what they want... EVER! They will have to wait until the kids are older and don't need them so much.

    If Pete wants to go with you, great, but I wouldn't stay home just for him. I understand your fears about that, but you really should put yourself first at this point in your life. If Pete really cares for you, he will understand that.
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #8

    Jan 13, 2006, 04:26 AM
    I think I will talk to him about it. Do you think I should specifically make a point of it - or just drop it in converstaion and see how he responds??
    bizygurl's Avatar
    bizygurl Posts: 522, Reputation: 110
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    #9

    Jan 13, 2006, 05:01 AM
    You need to do what is best for you. Im 27 almost 28 and there are some regrets that I have that I didn't do because I was worried how it was going to affect another person.

    I love to travel I would give anything to be able to travel to a different country. I have never been outside of the united states or been across the united states for that matter and as long as money wan't an issue I wouldn't let anything or anyone stand in the way of that expirence. Luckily my husband likes to travel too and the only issue is our kids who are really to young and money.

    You are so young have your whole life ahead. And if your saving money up to do this, please do it, I can't stress to you not to let things at home keep you from something you really want to do, because at some point you will probably regret it. And you are not selfish for wanting an opportunity like this.

    Why doesn't your boyfriend go with you? I know it my be hard because of job situations, but since you have to have time to save up some money he could always put in for the time like say six months or a year from now, or whenever you have an idea on when you are going. If not, if he really truly honestly cares and loves you he won't stand in your way. Its not like your moving to another country you just visiting, that in its self would be pretty selfish on his part if he had a problem with it.

    While your young and free of family obligtions is the perfect time to do this. Because ounce your married have a house and children (kids especiallly) being able to travel will be much harder and money will probably become more of an issue. You only live ounce.;)
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #10

    Jan 13, 2006, 05:19 AM
    You are right. I know Pete would not stand in my way - and he only wants me to be happy, and who knows he may want to come with me, I know he does like travelling Etc - I guess I am just fearing that he does not want to come then 1 - I will have to go alone and 2 - he and I may drift apart.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #11

    Jan 13, 2006, 06:51 AM
    Road traveled
    There is a county music song here in the US, about a lady who wants it all, a house with the picket fence, husband family and also wants to go to NY, Paris and so on.

    Life is basically a set of choices we make, never being able to go back and change them. At 22 orf 44 or 66 we all make choices, some bad, some good, and some we won't know till years latter.

    I have had the opportunity to do almost everything I ever wanted, I became a pilot, a white water rafting guide, drove sports car and so on.
    My work with the government got me to travel to many unusual places.

    But again I paid a price, my personal life while full of adventure suffered from personal commitment. I spent at times months away from home, when I was home I was on call 24 hours a day and really keep a suit case packed in my trunk at all times since I could get a phone call that had me headed to an air port within a hour or two.

    One time my wife and I had dinner plans, ( this was before cell phones) ** yes there really was life before cell phones,
    Well we were in Alabama at the time I believe, and I had to be in Texas before the close of the business day.

    So supper time came, I was not home, she did not know where I was ( did not check the answering machine) and I was working 3 states away.
    This was my life for many years.

    Do I regret a lot, yep, would I change it, not really since it made me all who I am today.

    But had I worked that 9 to 4 Iwould be setting here wondering what it would be like to jump from a plane, go over a small waterfall and so on.

    Life, work, personal life is all a matter of adjustments and give and take.
    If we do one part of our life more than another part, something will be harmed. Of course when you have a special person in your life, they are suppose to share everything with each other, that was why in a different post I was wondering why your (hope I got the right person here)
    Went off on his own parties and did not stay with you as you were doing the DJ thing,

    We make all those choices, from what you are going to eat this morning, to how fast you drive,

    So these are normal feelings, most likely you are coming to one of those more major juntions in life, where you have to decide which path you are going to take for now,

    I, or no one can or should tell you what path to take, that is yours to choice and yours to enjoy or to be sad about.
    bizygurl's Avatar
    bizygurl Posts: 522, Reputation: 110
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    #12

    Jan 13, 2006, 06:55 AM
    I don't think you and Pete will drift apart because of it. You said that he wouldn't stand in your way if this is something you want to do. Then I highly doubt something negative will come out of that. You don't know for sure if that will happen and your already letting that fear keep you fom a great expirence. If someone really is serious about the relationship and only wants the best for you, they won't let the "drifting apart" happen.

    As far as having to go by yourself. Do you have a close friend or family member that would do this with you? Should Pete opt to not going. If not then although I would be worried about going by myself too, I bet you would be fine. Its scary yes, but what a cool thing it would be for you that you did that traveling on your own. It would give me the sense of such an accomplishment.

    But for your sake to set your mind at more of an ease I hope your boyfriend goes with you. Who knows a trip like this could bring you two even closer.

    Good luck!
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #13

    Jan 13, 2006, 07:02 AM
    I think I need to stop being a wimp all my life lol.

    I will talk to him and see what he says. Fingers crossed he turns round & says - "what a great idea, I will most defiantely come with you" it will solve all my worries lol
    bizygurl's Avatar
    bizygurl Posts: 522, Reputation: 110
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    #14

    Jan 13, 2006, 07:11 AM
    Oh definitely talk to him, you never know? Don't stress too much about this. Everything I'm sure will work itself out, whatever you decide will be the right one for you at this time. I was just saying that if you have this opportunity to do it then go for it. I got married had my first kid had to drop out of college all before I was 22 and those decisions effected my life greatly because I had just started to gain independence and they were abruptlu cut short when I became pregnant at 20. But I did decide to have the family life at a young age and there are good things and bad things about it. Im almost 28 and I'm done having kids when most woman my age are just starting. But there are the things you do in your early twenties that I never really got to do. And it does make me regretful at times and sad. But I made the decisions. Like what Fr. Chuck said and Im not quoting here: Every decision you make has an effect on every aspect of your life. A decision you make could have a positive effect in one area but on the same hand could have a negative in another. It always comes down to what decision is best for you. I hope everything works out in whatever you decide.;) P.S. If you ever come to the States come to New England we could meet. TEE, HEE:D
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #15

    Jan 13, 2006, 07:28 AM
    Thank you so much for all your help everyone. I will talk to him and hopefully we can both make a decision together on what is best for us both?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #16

    Jan 13, 2006, 07:34 AM
    DJ'h'
    You can always sit and wonder should I or shouldn't I?At your age I was making babies and trying to feed them! Someday so will you ,but while your young and single you should be having the time of your life,and if your current relationship cannot survive, better to know now than after babies, kids, mortgages.Most people never have the opurtunity to think of themseves and enjoy the luxury of being as free from obligation as you are.Enjoy it for yourself and us!:cool: By the way anyone as cute as you should be doing fun things to keep a smile on your face(FLIRT);) :cool:
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #17

    Jan 13, 2006, 07:38 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    You can alway sit and wonder should I or shouldn't I?At your age I was making babies and trying to feed them! Someday so will you ,but while your young and single you should be having the time of your life,and if your current relationship cannot survive, better to know now than after babies, kids, mortgages.Most people never have the opurtunity to think of themseves and enjoy the luxury of being as free from obligation as you are.Enjoy it for yourself and us!:cool: By the way anyone as cute as you should be doing fun things to keep a smile on your face(FLIRT);) :cool:
    Oh I am as flirtatious as they come - I am natural; don't know I am doing it half the time. I always live life to the full - and I know it's something I will do rather than just think and want to do - it's just Pete means an awful lot to me!

    Thank you for your lovely compliment by the way ;)
    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 900, Reputation: 109
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    #18

    Jan 13, 2006, 08:02 AM
    Tie him up and put him in a box so he has to come anyway. I believe he would come with you.
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #19

    Jan 13, 2006, 08:08 AM
    Crankie - I hope your belief is right!
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #20

    Jan 13, 2006, 08:17 AM
    DJ

    Let us know how it turns out. I am sure that Pete would love to travel with you, but you will not know this until you talk with him.

    Joe

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