Dating(Social customs)

kellycheung · Mar 12, 2003, 02:23 PM

Dear expert:
Recently, I am kind of disturbed and contradicted. As I am a woman, of course, I do want 100% equality in job opportunities and other areas of life as well. However, I am not totally sure if it is right that for me "ALSO" to get benefits of traditional courtship, like being treated for dinners, or should I fight for the check, pay for it to prove my financial viability ?
From a doubtful Asian woman

dwalex · Mar 18, 2003, 05:16 PM

This is an opinion, not expert advice. Early in a relationship, I believe you should allow the man the honor of paying the bill. If the relationship progresses, you can voice your willingness to split the price of have an occasional "ladies treat" night where you pick up the tab.

Best wishes,
Dwalex

TeenDemo · Apr 2, 2003, 03:51 PM

Dear Kelly,
Is he telling you to get in the kitchen, cook his meals, bear his children, iron his shirts? Does he say things like woman are worthless, mindless, weak, can't do anything without a husband? If so, that's bad! If he just
Holds doors, and pays for dinner, I'm sure it's OK and nothing to worry about yet. And if you have to prove your financial viability... It's not worth it! They deserve to be kicked in the teeth!

eestevez · Apr 19, 2003, 07:57 AM

I think you need to look at this from a different perspective. Paying for a dinner date should not be a way to prove your financial freedom, but a way to prove that you are compassionate and willing to share financial burdens with your date. Add a romantic and human perspective and let your financial freedom be a way to get closer to another person, not farther away.

earthpages · Apr 20, 2003, 07:19 AM

That's an interesting and thoughtful question for today's changing world. Myself, I wouldn't apply a cut and dried "rule." I'd see how I felt according to each specific situation, and then act accordingly. If you're going out with a very traditional guy (assuming you are hetero.. ), then you might act one way. If you're going out with a liberal or progressive guy, you might act another way. Or... You might just act according to what you feel is right, regardless of whether the guy is traditional or progressive..

Play it by ear, as they say. That's what life is all about.. ;)

chaz1797 · May 14, 2003, 09:19 PM

You know a gentilmen is a gentilmen when h epicks up the tip, you don't have to prove you have money, if he invited you he should pay... Godd luck and God bless

Chaz :)

chaz1797 · May 16, 2003, 02:26 AM

You know that is all fine and dandy but stick to the old traditions you don't have to prove anything to anyone... let the man be resposible and enjoy... good luck and God bless

Chaz :)

chaz1797 · May 16, 2003, 02:32 AM

You know if he takes you out then let him pay that would make any man mad to see a woman try to pay the bill stick to traditions...

Chaz :)

chaz1797 · May 16, 2003, 02:37 AM

Get a grip live what ever way you see fit... but paying the bill is sometimes offensive to the male ego... where are you looking for these man that you feel this way? Best of luck and God bless

Chaz :)

kumquat · May 27, 2003, 11:02 PM

Always let the man pay darling... it is the American way and don't let anyone tell you anything different!

Starman · Jun 5, 2003, 07:42 PM

Do what feels right to you.
Forget about how anyone else expects you to behave.
But if you do demand equality with men in all areas, then some men will notice if you do not wish equality when it comes to paying the bills. So consistency of personal policy is best in order to avoid giving the impression of hypocrisy.

julthefool · Aug 4, 2003, 01:46 AM

Hello Kelly,

Well in my opinion equality means that you don't have the automatic right to be treated in any special manner just because you are a woman - apart from specific issues to do with health or safety for example. This means that you shouldn't assume that any man should always pay for your dinner, buy you big presents etc. If he wants to, fine in my opinion, but you should not make a habit of being paid things if you don't intend to return the favour.

It's a favour and not an obligation if a man pays your dinner. Therefore, you shouldn't exploit any person's goodwill (OK maybe he just wants to get his evil way, but let's assume it's in good faith).

Reciprocity is the key to equality. If someone pays you dinner, well if you feel like having dinner with that person again why don't you just ask him if he'd like to go to dinner, on you, at another time.

If you think he's a creep and don't want anything from him, split the cheque.

Hope that helps,

Julthefool

rdhead420 · Sep 2, 2003, 05:31 PM

I'm sure if you let a man pay for dinner, he isn't going to assume that you aren't financially responsible for yourself. You seem like a strong woman and most men would most likely be honored to buy you dinner. If you aren't that close and it makes you uncomforable, offer to split the check. That's what I usually do.

elrp · Nov 26, 2003, 04:09 PM

I am no expert on the matter but I will try and help.

I personally believe women should be treated equally to men, the belief that women are inferior to men is a very out dated frame of mind I think.

I am very independent so when I go out with my boyfriend I always try and pay for things. He does feel quite offended because he just wants to do something for me, so sometimes I think we may have to stand back and let the male pay. If you really like this man, then just because he pays for meals sometimes, you shouldn't feel like you have to prove anything to him. I'm sure he knows you can pay your own way, but he wants to treat you to show you that he likes you.

So, offer to pay for all, or split the bill when you go out and if he says no he wants to pay, tell him you really don't mind paying your way and if he continues to say he wants to pay then let him, he may get quite offended and upset if you don't let him pay for anything. He's trying to show you he likes you and you won't always let him, men can find this very fustrating.

Just let him know you're independent and you have strong opinions about the equality of men and women.

desii · Apr 3, 2004, 03:07 PM

Being a guy myself I think the man should pay for the dinner... Having the guy pay take the cheak does not show any money differences... Its ussally tradition the what usually happens. Or you could split it too that works.

Hello_Peace · Apr 8, 2004, 05:35 AM

Be yourself.

Don't worry about things like that. Do what you think is right and fair.

rrt69 · Apr 8, 2004, 06:52 PM

If the guy/women wants to pay let them If it make you feel better offer to pay next time.

cant_rain_forever · Apr 23, 2004, 03:48 PM

If he's a real man, then he'll pay. But show your appreciation towards him.

viking · Apr 26, 2004, 03:35 PM

It is now very approriate for the woman to pay for her portion of the dinner if she is making income comparable to the man's. If she is making a much smaller amount and this is public knowledge then it is not necessary for her to offer to pay for her part particularly if it is a very expensive meal, however it would be a classy gesture.

tameika · May 23, 2004, 08:26 PM

In a relationship you should not have to prove anything to your partner, getting to know each other is more important. Talk about things such as who pays the bill and decide together if you will share the payments, or if the man will pay for everything. Do not push the subject if the man insists on paying, just enjoy, he will not think less of you unless he is not worth dating. ;)

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