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Anna26 · Jan 8, 2006, 12:56 AM

Hello All,

I would like some advice on how not to hurt a friend's feelings about a gift she gave me.

She gave me a new purse for Christmas, which is not one I would ordinarily choose to use. It's a child's wallet so doesn't fit all my cards properly (and I don't have more than I need).

So at first I just kept it aside and told her I would use it on special occasions because it didn't fit everything. But she insisted, and even came to visit me one day, asked for my purse, took all my cards out of it and then squeezed them into the one she bought for me.

Since then I have been using it, but it won't close properly and my cards keep falling out of it. I've even lost my healthcare card and will need to replace it.

So I would really like to just buy my own purse to use, but am sure she will notice as we work in the same building. She's young and quite sensitive. I was thinking perhaps if I asked my boyfriend to buy me a new purse for my birthday then I could say I wanted to use that one because he gave it to me. Would that be better or worse than just getting my own?

Thanks in advance,
Anna

CaptainForest · Jan 8, 2006, 01:04 AM

Buy a new one for yourself and just tell her your boyfriend gave it to you. Don't wait for your birthday, do it now. Say it was a surprise gift.

And make sure you fill your boyfriend in on this so he doesn't go blabbing, "I bought her what purse?"

Of course, the other alternative is to tell her the present is not good for you, but since you wish to spare her feelings, go with the previous option.

nwsflash · Jan 8, 2006, 04:58 AM

Originally Posted by CaptainForest

Buy a new one for yourself and just tell her your bf gave it to you. Don't wait for your birthday, do it now. Say it was a surprise gift.

And make sure you fill your bf in on this so he doesn't go blabbing, "I bought her what purse?"

Of course, the other alternative is to tell her the present is not good for you, but since you wish to spare her feelings, go with the previous option.

You could also try telling her that you lost it some place, and needed to replace it ASAP and get yourself a new one or go back to using the old one before you had this one.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 8, 2006, 11:09 AM

I have this wild idea, how about the truth, tell her your cards don't fit into it, you have already lost some of them and it is just not the style and type of use.

Honesty often ( heck always) is the best route over all.

nwsflash · Jan 8, 2006, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I have this wild idea, how about the truth, tell her your cards don't fit into it, you have already lost some of them and it is just not the style and type of use.

Honesty often ( heck always) is the best route over all.

LoL I have to agree you do have a good point, but its hard when we don't want to upset our friend or family been so blunt sometimes we tell just a tiny little white lie and pray god will forgive us for our sins :D

Fr_Chuck · Jan 8, 2006, 03:25 PM

The only problem with small untruths, is they often come back and cause more problems, the friend talks to the boyfriend who did not know he gave her a new purse, and so on.

We give so lilttle regard to a friendship that we believe they could not take the truth. How much better to be honest and know that we can trust one another.

I don't have a problem with some of those "white untruths" but if your wife asks you "do you like this meal" and you say yes, guess what terrible meal you will get once a week for life, sometimes honesty is best to avoid a lot more trouble down the road.

If they are such a close friend that they will come over take your purse and move stuff from one to another ( that is an entire different issue that freaks me out) but that close a friend deserves the truth

PrettyLady · Jan 8, 2006, 09:41 PM

Anna, if you don't like the purse your friend gave you, then should buy a new purse. I also think you should come clean with your friend and tell her the truth. Let her know that the purse she bought you was too small for your cards and that you had to buy a bigger one. Because if you tell her that your boyfriend bought you a new purse, she will think that her purse wasn't good enough, and it might hurt her feelings. It's best to be honest with her for the sake of your friendship.

augustknight · Jan 9, 2006, 10:02 PM

I often have dulicate cards or other little used things, like a phone list, that I like to have handy but not in my primary wallet. Perhaps you could use her gift as your 'information' wallet and leave it in the glovebox. You would then be using it good faith. Tell her that you are not hiding it but that is the way you choose to use her thoughtful and wonderful gift.

Anna26 · Jan 16, 2006, 05:29 PM

I really appreciate that so many people replied to my post.

Actually I did buy a new wallet but I haven't seen my friend yet because I have been away on holidays. I think I will end up telling the truth, mostly just because I'm terrible at lying convincingly.

She's not really a close friend, but can be overly assertive sometimes when she wants to do something nice for you (that you don't necessarily want).

Thanks,
Anna

Sosdog · Jan 23, 2006, 05:24 PM

Seems like th ebest anser to me.

Get new purse, when u see her and she asks about it (and she will) tell her that you liked it, and it was a great gift, but it was just too small, so you went with a bigger one.

The old 'man that girl can get half a tank in her purse' line also seems to come to mind.

Sos