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am27ca · Jan 16, 2008, 02:31 PM

I got married a year ago and had to move from CA to NC cause my husband is the military . That's when I told my daughter father that it would be better for her that we came into a agreement instead of the court to decide that she would stay with him six months and then come home to me. I wanted to be nice to him I've taken care of my daughter since birth, we were never married. Now he wants to tell me when my daughter should come to me he suggested that it would be better for her to stay longer then what we agreed. :mad: besides she don't leave with him she staying with her grandparents. What should I so now

Fr_Chuck · Jan 16, 2008, 03:09 PM

You should do what you should have done a year ago. Go to court and get a formal court order, Your personal agreement is not binding.
So you will need to go to court and get custody official.

JudyKayTee · Jan 16, 2008, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by am27ca

I got married a year ago and had to move from CA to NC cause my husband is the military . Thats when i told my daughter father that it would be better for her that we came into a agreement instead of the court to decide that she would stay with him six months and then come home to me. I wanted to be nice to him i've taken care of my daughter since birth, we were never married. Now he wants to tell me when my daughter should come to me he suggested that it would be better for her to stay longer then what we agreed. :mad: besides she don't leave with him she staying with her grandparents. what should i so now

I'd go to Court with this and hope your unwritten agreement isn't perceived as abandonment of your child. You might have a problem convincing a Court that you left your daughter for 6 months to be "nice to" her father.

Have you been paying support, money toward her upkeep?

Sounds like the Grandparents' house might be a stable environment and so there could be a problem here -

Don't mean to be harsh but I have a very similar situation in my own family - in that case the mother hands the child off when it suits her and then demands to have her back. Meanwhile the child goes from home to home, State to State. Court decided the last time around that because there was no Court order, nothing in writing, no support paid that the child would stay just where she was - with the father's family (he lives with his parents).

cdad · Jan 16, 2008, 06:05 PM

Were papers filed in your divorce ? If so they should help guide you. Also what happens is going to depend on the state you live in. Either way you should be able to get temporary custody until a hearing / trial can be reached. When you file papers be prepared for mediation so the 2 of you can hammer out a real parental agreement. Its not as easy as it sounds and you can't just say 6 months 6 months. Most schools run 9 months. So your child can not be bounced around during a school year. You need to do this ASAP and not wait at all.
Hope it goes well for you and you both can co operate.

JudyKayTee · Jan 17, 2008, 07:35 AM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Were papers filed in your divorce ? If so they should help guide you. Also what happens is going to depend on the state you live in. Either way you should be able to get temporary custody until a hearing / trial can be reached. When you file papers be prepared for mediation so the 2 of you can hammer out a real parental agreement. Its not as easy as it sounds and you can't just say 6 months 6 months. most schools run 9 months. So your child can not be bounced around during a school year. You need to do this ASAP and not wait at all.
hope it goes well for you and you both can co operate.

I believe said she and the father were never married; therefore, there are no divorce papers, apparently no other Court action. I would be surprised if she files for custody if she can get it on a temporary basis pending a hearing with the child "surrendered" (the legal term) to the father some months ago - I think (if the father wants to fight about this) the legal abandonment question could be an issue. Also support for the child will be an issue - in some States no support + a "surrender" = abandonment.

I also would not be certain of the jurisdiction here - father is in another State (with the child).

But, as you say, it varies from State to State.

ScottGem · Jan 17, 2008, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by am27ca

i told my daughter father that it would be better for her that we came into a agreement instead of the court to decide that she would stay with him six months and then come home to me.

It would be better for your daughter that you come to an agreement outside the courts? BOY how wrong you were. And now you are paying the price for it. You need to get an attorney to petition for full custody.

cdad · Jan 17, 2008, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I believe said she and the father were never married; therefore, there are no divorce papers, apparently no other Court action. I would be surprised if she files for custody if she can get it on a temporary basis pending a hearing with the child "surrendered" (the legal term) to the father some months ago - I think (if the father wants to fight about this) the legal abandonment question could be an issue. Also support for the child will be an issue - in some States no support + a "surrender" = abandonment.

I also would not be certain of the jurisdiction here - father is in another State (with the child).

But, as you say, it varies from State to State.

Sorry I don't know how to double quote except copy/paste what she had said.
I got married a year ago and had to move from CA to NC cause my husband is the military . That's when I told my daughter father that it would be better for her that we came into a agreement instead of the court to decide that she would stay with him six months and then come home to me. I wanted to be nice to him I've taken care of my daughter since birth, we were never married. Now he wants to tell me when my daughter should come to me he suggested that it would be better for her to stay longer then what we agreed. Besides she don't leave with him she staying with her grandparents. What should I so now
If divorce papers were filed in any court then that court will hold jurisdiction and if she hasn't filed then she needs to do so right away. Some states have a residency requirement too if your going to file and that has to be checked also.
Either way I wish all parties the best of luck and hope it doesn't get any worse.