[Bryant]

I have found a great girl who is honest, trustworthy, caring, and has a great head on her shoulders. She is exactly the type you can settle down with. I love everything about her except the sex.

She is very attractive but I am not into her sexually. I am a very sexual person. My last relationship was based solely on sex. I didn't like anything about my ex except we had the best sex. I don't think that was a good idea. However, sex is important to me. If I'm not being satisfyied than I am afraid my mind will wonder.

So basically how important is the sex?

I want to be with her and her only, but I also want good sex.

[jeffatl]

Psychologically speaking sex is a BIG part of a relationship. You said it yourself "you are a sexual person" and Im sure she is too. Why not have a good friend? Are you looking for a wife right now? Slow down for a minute and think about what you are asking here. If you are not "into her sexually" that will suck for her too, and you don't want to do that to her either. I have those kinds of relationships with women as well, they are called friends. Not a big deal at all. Sex really is a big part in happy healthy relationships, for men and women. You would be doing the both of you a major injustice here by pursuing this. Don't feel bad though, I go through this a lot as well, you are just not sexually atracted PERIOD. You can be atracted to the personality, and that's great. Sex is statistically one of the biggest factors in happy marriages, because humans are well... sexual beings. Just give yourself a pat on the back for coming to the realization that looks aren't everything, but not nothing in the equasion. Good luck!

[Bryant]

Well we have been together for a long time and I guess if I was to get married I could see her being a great wife/ best friend. Our families love each other and we have a great relationship. I guess I am asking is that (sex) worth not being with someone. Are you saying I can't marry or even date her because we don't have good sex?

[jeffatl]

No, all I did was answer your question. Sex is important, take it from there I guess...

[fredg]

Hi, Bryant,
Another answered your question, but I would like to add some things.
Sex is important in marriage, as already stated, and it does sound as if, to you, it's VERY important.
After being married for 28 yrs, and at age 63, I am so very lucky that both my wife and I are very compatible, in all areas!
The girl you speak of sounds wonderful. And you sound the same, being honest with yourself.
After some time with this girl, both learn much about each other. If you are thinking of marriage, then one has to think about ALL the aspects beforehand; even though some can't be known yet.
It will be your own decision, but personally, I really think you need to find someone who shares your interests in sex; as well as having all the wonderful qualities that this girl has.
I do wish you the best of luck, and eventually, you will find her.

[JoeCanada76]

Honestly,

Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. There are many people who grow into a sexual relationship slowly. There are some that still wait until marriage , etc. You really like this person but is not attracted sexually. That could be a problem if you think you will never be attracted to her that way, but take your time, and I am sure she wants to take her time as well. You need to be patient but it is up to you to figure out what you truly want in the relationship. What does she want in the relationship? Everybody has different views and thoughts but from my experience growing into a relationship and sex is not the most important thing at the beginning, becoming close friends, soulmates and eventually into lovers, is the best thing. In my opinion.

Joe

[Fr_Chuck]

There is an old joke, if you want a priest to be celebrate let him be married.

Sex is a balance in life, if it is put too important there will be no good relationshiop. True relationship is based off loving and really liking the person you are with. Things can happen in life where one partner could end up and never be able to have sex ( accident, illness) what happens if sex is too important in that relationship.

Now proper and good sex is great but not what makes a relationship or what it needs to be based on. In fact sex too early in a relationship stops the natural and proper growth.

[Wildcat21]

Dude - you can work on the sex - GREAT sex is based on the communication. Talk to her about it slowly... you HAVE to tell her your needs - I BET 100% she has certain needs she hasn't tpld you.

She will be SO releaved once you get through this - YOU WILL GROW closer if you talk about.

Sex CAN and DOES get better IF you communicate.

This is tricky though... tell her FIRST what you love about her or about the sex... maybe she is a great kisser etc. - then tell her wha tyou need - don't come across as critical - but do express what is important.

Lots of grea tbooks and videos out there tha tcan help out.

I've ALWAYS found great sex to me as a connection - an inner sole connection and that's hard to find. It sounds like you have developed that. Yeah sure, raunchy one night stands are OK some of the time... but the best sex is that passionate sex where you are connected.

It sounds like the other parts of the relationship are good.

[Dejected]

I don't get it. Does she smell or something? Sex is relative; just like in Einstein's Theory of Relativity; E=mc2. E=how much energy you put into your sex life; M=the degree of motivation based on your love for this women; c= current level of commitment you have and 2= motivation and commitment squared (mulitiplied with age), by your age. Your age you say! What's age got to do with it. Age has everything to do with it. Sexual enjoyment is relative to your age. Trust me when I say, there will come a time when compared to what degree your sex meter hits at say- 57, as opposed to what it's hitting today; You will wish for today and slap yourself for not appreciating what you had. Sex is important. From a rabbit's point of view. It feels good so lets do it again. Difference is rabbits never lose site of the fact that sex is just a means to and end.. . more rabbits! Additionally, from a rabbit's perspective that next patch of very green grass is to die for. Of course the hunter agrees with him. I don't mean to confuse you kid, and yes pushing 60 gives me the right to call you kid. No disrespect. You're showing you've got a head on your shoulders as well; You obviously have the shinnies to ask important (if not leading). Questions that often as not opens one's self up to a Head Shot. Yeah! I'm an on-line BattleField/UnrealT, etc. kind of guy. I know it's hard to believe and it's probably more information than you care to get, but us old guys play on line gaming and occasionally partake in the fruits of sexual delight. I quess you're doing like my kids do about now. All kinds of coughs and gags of grossness. Got 3. Youngest is 32. Don't know if he'll ever get married. Big dissappointment to his mother. From a grandchildren's point of view. Anyway, back to you. Smart and thinking this one is, Yoda would say. Bottom line. There is more to a relationship than sex. Important-OK. But it's not everything - even when you are young. The divorce rates in this country are astronomical because everyone wants to base their relationships on what the person looks like and the sex. You've asked the right 1st question. Can you guess what the correct final question is? Deduction my Dear Watson: The woman is attractive; that's just icing on the cake. Turn out the lights and as long as you run into the correct plumbing you'll do fine. You love this woman; and there are obviously many tangible and intangible things about her that really flies your kite. So ask yourself this question. "What's wrong with the sex and what can WE do to improve it? What ever you do don't say, "Honey I love you but our sex life leaves a great deal to be desired!" Be the leader! Be the man. Be the guide, protector, and security blanket every women desires in a man. Ignore the fact that they are being prompted by the female controlled national media to try and push their men to get in touch with their feminine side. A women wants to be needed. The best way to show that need is by leading. Those last 2 sentences may not mean much to you at this point in your life. But remember them. One day the light will come on. Continue to ask questions. Go to multiple sources. But choose those sources carefully. You got lucky this time. But you are just as likely to get handed advice based on a world view that would have you both heart broken and in divorce court (should you ever decided to get married), in very short order. WildCat21 had some great advice. Although he needs to check his spelling. "an inner sole connection"; is what I wear in my shoes when I'm Jellon! I believe he meant to say; "an inner soul connection"! Don't know if he's 21, but if so you guys are giving this old codger some hope that there is a future for this country after all. These days too many guys are either thinking too much with the wrong head, or poking the wrong head in places God never meant a man to poke his head which means he's not using his real head to begin with. Read it again.. . It makes more sense the 2nd time around. P.S. The Dejected: how I was feeling when I came to this site looking for answers on how to get my grandson's bmx rear axle back together so he and I could go bike riding.. .

[s_cianci]

The question you've asked is purely a matter of personal preference. A relationship based purely on sex is never a good idea and you seem to have learned that lesson. You say that you are "not into her sexually." You also state that she's "very attractive." If she's so attractive, then why are you not "into" her sexually? At this point, you've got to make a decision whether you can eventually get into her sexually and if not, do you still want to stay with her? Or must you be with someone who you are into sexually? Nobody can answer those questions but you.

[snowrabbit]

Stop bugging her.. u are wasting her time

[jeffatl]

Year old post...