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qwerty108 · Jan 13, 2008, 07:04 PM

Multiple threads merged

All right, recently I've been wondering what is going on at work. See I'm in my 20s, and this female co-worker is 4 years older than me. While we are at work together, she seems to flirt with the other co-workers and myself. After work, we sometimes text/call each other or sometimes grab something to eat or run errands. She only does this with me, and no one else at work. The conversations basically consist of normal everyday conversations. Now these conversations usually always take place while the boyfriend is either gone working out of town for a few days. Or while he's asleep or working in another part of their house. They have been together for about 3-4 years, and are currently living together.

I really enjoy hanging out with this girl and talking to her, but I'm not sure what I should do. I would like to be more than friends, but I'm not sure what her feelings are about that. I'm pretty inexperienced with dating and I'm just wondering if she is just thinking of me as a good friend. I just don't understand what she's trying to tell me. It just feels odd that she would hang out with me while she has a boyfriend.

I've met her boyfriend and he's around 11 years older than her! That is a pretty big age gap in my opinion. I've only talked to him a few times but he seems normal and an OK guy. She talks about him a lot too when we are talking. She always seems to bring him up in one of our conversations either negatively or positively.

I just don't want to do anything that would make our current friendship get messed up.

Please, if anyone has any ideas on what I could do, please let me know!
Thanks

twinkiedooter · Jan 13, 2008, 07:35 PM

She is your friend and likes your company when the boyfriend is not around. For you to think at this point that there is a romance here - there is no romance. Please don't keep thinking there is anythine more here than a friendship. Try and find your own girlfriend and maybe the 4 of you can double date. Don't forgo a friendship with her as everyone needs friends.

Tony J · Jan 13, 2008, 07:40 PM

I would say that you are setting yourself up for failure if you are trying to date this woman. There are plenty of women out there who are single and it might be a wise to look for someone other than your co-worker. Do you want to come between her and her boyfriend? In my opinion, I would remain friends but not go any further than that. If you like the qualities that she has then remember them and try to find someone with those qualities.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 13, 2008, 07:45 PM

Walk. Away. Slowly.

oneguyinohio · Jan 13, 2008, 07:46 PM

Leave it as is is. She might just enjoy having a friend. You said her flirty behaviour is not exclusive with you at work.

She probably just feels more relaxed in talking to guys because she is not considering any dating situation because she is already with someone. She isn't hiding the boyfriend.

If you can't keep the boundaries clear, better take a few steps back away from the border.

You might be pretty close to crossing a line that you shouldn't.

qwerty108 · Jan 13, 2008, 08:34 PM

Ok, after I read what you all have posted, I've been able to think more about this, and I knew that I was only just her friend and I was just making sure that I wasn't missing something she was trying to tell me. I've just been wondering why I'm the special one at work that she actually hangs out with and talks to outside of work. I think she knows that I sort of like her, but for her it seems that she likes that attention. I do not want to come between her and her boyfriend. Lots of people talk to her about her situation and give her crap on how much older her boyfriend is than her. These other co-workers tell her that her relationship isn't going anywhere... I'm not sure why they say that but it just seems that she complains about him sometimes. But I know that all relationships have trouble spots.

Other people at work keep asking us if we're dating now since we hang out on occasion.

I don't know, I think I'll just be a good friend, and maybe wait and see what happens

ISneezeFunny · Jan 13, 2008, 08:47 PM

Ah. The wait-and-see method.

Be the good friend. However, I wouldn't be the good friend expecting that it'll be more.

qwerty108 · Jan 19, 2008, 01:52 PM

All right, well lately we've been hanging out more now, and we've been talking a lot more on the phone. Her boyfriend is gone for the weekend and instead of texting me she's been calling me, and I've been calling her. Our conversations though have gotten really lame though lately. We will talk on the phone and then we'll change subjects every sentence. She'll talk about something on TV, and then I'll bring up something else, and same goes both ways. I don't mind it much, but once we're done thinking of stuff to talk about we just sort of end the conversation in an awkward way. I don't know... I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to make our conversations more exciting and so we both don't get bored.

s_cianci · Jan 19, 2008, 01:55 PM

She has a live-in boyfriend. That makes her seem pretty unavailable to me. If you're counting on this going anywhere, don't.

qwerty108 · Jan 19, 2008, 02:02 PM

Yes I know, but right now I'm happy with being friends, I'm just wondering how I can make our conversations a little bit more normal and not so awkward. It's like we run out of stuff to talk about.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 19, 2008, 02:03 PM

*** edit, sorry misread the post, small font, bad eyes.** somewhere in there I thought it said she was bi. So am editing my post to remove that

Now on the other hand perhaps she is just an unfaithful slut that wants to sleep with other men when her live in boyfriend is away, I guess my thought there is , ( does he own guns?)

Reading here, we find married ( and this is not that committed relastionshp since it is a boyfriend still) cheat all the time. So I guess it all depends on do you wish to lower yourself to that level. But sounds like she is looking for a friend when he is away.

BMI · Jan 19, 2008, 02:10 PM

She calls you whilst her boyfriend is away? Now DO NOT get your hopes up my man, but that's a slight indication you may have something to hope for in the future. Either her actions will lead you to be very good friends or something more, but right now you cannot approach her because she, at this point, would shoot you down.

Keep an eye out for her behaviour when he's not around and take note of that, tell us if you find anything.

qwerty108 · Jan 20, 2008, 02:14 AM

OK, so today we talked on the phone again, and we got talking about her boyfriend. She said that they are people that stay home a lot and just don't go out much. She said that it is their way of having "fun". I asked her if she liked staying home all the time and she mentioned that she liked it occasionally but not all the time. She then went onto saying that she thinks it's because of his older age. She mentioned that he used to be wild and crazy "back in the day" but now he's just old and wants to stay home a lot. Now she didn't know him back in those crazy days, but I sort of can tell that she doesn't always like staying home all the time.

I then asked if she needed any company tonight to play some video games or to just have a drink and watch some TV. She passed and had chores around the house to do so when her boyfriend gets back into town, the house will be clean.

qwerty108 · Jan 21, 2008, 07:58 PM

All right, It's the first day back with her boyfriend back in town. We talked at work for a bit, but tonight I tested the water. I text her once to see what she was up too, wondering what she would do while he was home. Still no response or phone call. If it were this past weekend when she was alone, she would call me up or respond in a relatively quick manner.

Also today, they had a pretty heated phone conversation. After they were finished, she said she should just be single.

Not sure what to make of it...

qwerty108 · Jan 21, 2008, 10:07 PM

Originally Posted by qwerty108

Alright, It's the first day back with her bf back in town. We talked at work for a bit, but tonight I tested the water. I text her once to see what she was up too, wondering what she would do while he was home. Still no response or phone call. If it were this past weekend when she was alone, she would call me up or respond in a relatively quick manner.

Also today, they had a pretty heated phone conversation. After they were finished, she said she should just be single.

Not sure what to make of it...

Nvm, I just received a call from her... her boyfriend just left and she gave me a call. What's going on? Lol

ISneezeFunny · Jan 21, 2008, 10:11 PM

Backup boyfriend... she's living the life.

oneguyinohio · Jan 21, 2008, 10:25 PM

Sounds like you are the crutch she is leaning on to end the relationship with the boyfriend.

I wouldn't want to be in that spot. Now you'll have to wonder if you're going to be a rebound thing for the moment.

qwerty108 · Jan 21, 2008, 10:35 PM

It just seems like she cares about me though... I told her I liked spending time with her and talking. So now she is always excited to call me and stuff and talk. I don't think she'd want to have me as a rebound.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 21, 2008, 10:36 PM

Girls don't plan to rebound... they just happen.

BMI · Jan 22, 2008, 08:54 AM

Again my man,

Do not get your hopes up. I do see something in this. Either she is calling you because she trusts you as a friend OR you are the one she will come running too when/if this is over.

From the sounds of it you don't seem to mind being the "other" guy... you old dog:)