[SingleMom7105]

Ok first off Im a single mom to 1, my biological son is 2 almost 3. I love being a single mom, the only thing is I am 22 and can not adopt through an agency till Im 25. I wanted to have a sibling for my son by the time he was 3 or at least be talking about him getting one... I want him to be the oldest as I feel that transition would be easier.

Does anyone have any ideas what I can do? I would love to adopt a single baby, twins, siblings anything and kids of any race.

I will have room for another child or two so that's not the problem, I just don't want to have to wait for 3 more years... my son will be almost 6 years old and Im afraid the transition would be harder.

Any ideas?? :confused:

[Wondergirl]

I just responded to your other post about your son having meltdowns from something, maybe due to his allergy to caseins. Why not get things improved with the child you have and let him grow up a bit before you think about another child?

My two sons are nearly five years apart. That worked very well. Each had his own special time with me and was able to carve out his own life with the family and outside the family. In fact, my brother is four years younger than me, my sis is four years younger than he is, and a second brother came along eight years after her. We all got along beautifully, since each had time to mature a bit before the next child came along. So, six years between children is not a negative thing. None of the children in this paragraph suffered from sibling rivalry, by the way.

Also, one doesn't have another child as a playmate for an existing child.

[Synnen]

Wondergirl gave you some great advice. I really think that you should think VERY hard before thinking of adoption. There's a reason there's an age restriction, really. There's a maturity level that's needed.

As far as the costs go--well, having a baby is expensive, and so are lawyers. You'd be paying nearly all of the birthmother's expenses, plus your legal fees, plus HER legal fees, plus the legal fees for the baby (as children are given a guardian ad litem to respresent their interests in an adoption). There is also counseling to pay for--yours and the birthparents'. Any agency that wouldn't require counseling would be one I'd steer clear of.

If you want a "cheap" adoption, look into your local foster care agency. There are thousands of children who need homes.

As far as the wait goes--you're going to wait, anyway. There is mandatory training and waiting for becoming a foster parent. There is a wait to adopt (just ask the thousands of couples already on waiting lists).

I'm a birthmother. I placed my child at 17. I can't speak for any OTHER birthmother, but I can tell you that there is no WAY you would have made my list for prospective adoptive parents. The reasons I didn't keep my child were that I wanted her in a stable 2-parent home, with mature parents, who could afford to give her all the things I couldn't. I'm betting that most birthmoms would feel the same about you--I mean, if I had wanted a young, single parent for the mother of my child, I would have KEPT her!

I mean no offense to you. I'm sure you're doing the best you can with you and your son--but the reality is that you are going to have a VERY difficult time adopting so young.

[SingleMom7105]

And that's something people don't realize, I may be young in age but Im older in Maturity... I had to grow up early due to my sister having disablities and my mother having medical problems... Now I see, I probably wouldn't be a prospective adoptive parent due to that either, right?
I understand about the wait, that part is fine, Im OK with that, it's the fact that I would like to start the paperwork now... I can provide for myself and my son great, that wouldn't be the problem, I just wish I could start the process sooner.

[SingleMom7105]

Oh and why is it so bad for an adopted child to grow up in a single parent faimly?

[Gernald]

And thats something people dont realize, I may be young in age but Im older in Maturity...I had to grow up early due to my sister having disablities and my mother having medical problems....Now I see, I probably wouldnt be a prospective adoptive parent due to that either, right?
I understand about the wait, that part is fine, Im ok with that, its the fact that I would like to start the paperwork now...I can provide for myself and my son great, that wouldnt be the problem, I just wish I could start the process sooner.

Yes but can you support both your son and another child? That's important especially as a single parent.
If you can try looking in to Russian or African adooptions... there are many young children who need homes.
In three years your son will be six, I think that might be a good age for both of you. You in theory will be more financially stable, and your son will be starting school (no more day care fees!) and he'll be out of diapers or pullups. Pluss he'll be able to tell you what he's afraid of with a new sibling coming in to the family.

[oneguyinohio]

The question I think you should be asking singlemom7105, is where you can learn better parenting skills for the child you have. Slapping etc that you mentioned in your other post, and blaming behaviours on allergies doesn't seem to be very affective parenting.

Use your wait time to mature and learn some new strategies, and quit trying to stir up trouble on this board.

You seem to be trying to bring up topics to get people emotionally stirred up with out any serious intentions other than just picking a fight about those little details that you include... such as single parent, slapping the child, and it was great that you threw in the emotional stuff about disabled family to invoke some sympathy for yourself...
I don't buy the legitimacy of what you are saying at all.

Can't wait to see what you try next.

[Synnen]

For the record---I don't have a problem with single parents adopting.

My point was that as a birthparent, part of what I wanted for a child was NOT a single parent--If I had wanted her to be in a single parent home, I would have KEPT her.

Not that that was my sole reason for choosing adoption by any means--but it was a pretty high critera.

I'm not saying it should make you completely ineligible to adopt--I am just saying that most birthmothers aren't looking for a single parent home for their child.

I think that international and foster care adoptions are going to be your best bet--ESPECIALLY if you look into adopting a child, and not an infant.

Believe me, I wasn't trying to put down who you are, or where you are at with your child. I was just pointing out that regardless, you're going to have a wait. Even if you got pregnant today, you'd have a 9 month wait!

With your background of having a disabled family--have you thought about adopting a disabled child?

[SingleMom7105]

Im sorry I ever joined!! You don't have to worry about me being back, I DO NOT "SLAP" MY CHILD!! I use one finger and tap his lip... thats it!!



GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrr I can't believe some people... I just wanted to talk... not be badgered and dumped on!!

[Fr_Chuck]

Im sorry I ever joined!!!!! You dont have to worry about me being back, I DO NOT "SLAP" MY CHILD!!!!! I use one finger and tap his lip....thats it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrr I can't believe some people....I just wanted to talk...not be badgered and dumped on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much for the reason for the maturity level requirements for age.

This is a free site, where all sorts of people come and give their opinons.
You will get good and bad and often you will get the truth that you don't want to hear.

So if you wanted to hear a lot of people that would just pat you on the back and agree with you, sorry this ain't it. If you want some open and honest opinions of people of all types, from all around the world. This is it. There are many people, who believe that a single parent family is not the best ( not saying it does not work, but many here will believe it is not the best) there are those that are very protectitive that any physcial contract as a punishment is wrong.

So if you don'[t want to hear a lot of differnet oipinions, this is not for you.

[Wondergirl]

We only went by how you worded it (on another thread). And do you realize that your anger in how you are responding to us is also is an indication of how you deal with frustration?

Take a breath. Please reconsider. Let's all give it another try.

I have learned (and still screw up) how important words are when emailing and posting on an Internet board. No one can see my facial expression and body language. No one can hear my tone of voice. They see only cold, black words and have to interpret from those.

[biffybridges]

Well I think gernald is right when I was in high school one of my teachers did this thing were he raised money for children who live on garbagge heaps in africa. When I left he had raised over a million pounds and with that money he built a shelter for them and if your little boy has someone to play with and look after he might feel older and I know that that is not what mothers want ( seeing there little one growing up) believe me .

[Synnen]

This thread is TWO YEARS OLD.

Closed.