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orange · Jan 4, 2006, 02:53 PM

As some of you may know, I was raised in foster care and my biological parents are deceased. I'm now 26 and pregnant with my first child. My fiancé and I are getting married later on this month.

I never bonded well with any of my foster parents (there were many!), but over the past few years I've developed a very close relationship with one of my friend's parents. I talk to them on the phone a couple of times a week, ask for advice, etc. I send them cards on Mother's and Father's Day, and although I'm having quite an informal wedding, they are flying in from Victoria for it and will take the place of parents for me at the wedding. I also want them to consider my child as their grandchild, and have told them so. They are excited to spend time with my baby once it's born. They live in Victoria for 4 months in the winter, but they spend the rest of the time here. In fact they just live 5 blocks away, so they will be able to see as much of my child as they want...

Anyway, the point of my post is, I don't know what to call them, when I'm talking about them to other people. I just call them by their first names when we're together, but when I talk about them to others, I'm not sure what to say. Sometimes I call them foster parents, since most people know I was in foster care... but they weren't my foster parents. Sometimes I say "adoptive" parents, like the title of this post, but they aren't really that either, and people tend to ask when I was adopted in that case. I hate to just call them friends because they are more than that.

I don't know, it's weird. Any suggestions?

nwsflash · Jan 4, 2006, 03:40 PM

It sounds like you are very close to them, and from what your saying they seem very, very close too you.. If you feel comfortable and they do with you calling them mom and dad I do not see a problem with that at all.

Yes they may not have given birth to you, but there are lots of different types of familys in this world of ours today, and as for your child if they are happy to be grandparents then you go for it and live for the now. As for what people think & say, it's got nothing too do with them as long as you are all happy.

My friend has two step children and three children of his own, you would not notice any diffrence he has brought all his kids up the same, and his own step son will never call him step dad it is always been dad because he say that he feels like he is his real father!

Wildcat21 · Jan 4, 2006, 04:49 PM

I think at your age just their first names are appropriate.

Although, if Mom and Dad seem OK - do it!

orange · Jan 4, 2006, 05:25 PM

Thanks guys, but to clarify, I call them by their first names, Walter and Sara, and I'm not going to change that. My question was, how to refer to them when I'm speaking to others.

manutd4eva · Jan 4, 2006, 05:32 PM

I refer to them by their 1st name that's what I do but its up too you

orange · Jan 4, 2006, 05:54 PM

Oh so you mean when you're talking to other people you would just say, "I'm going to so and so's place" and let them ask questions if they like? What I mean is, one problem I have with calling them friends is, most of my friends and acquaintances who are my age (20s) don't "get" why I'm friends with a couple in their 60s.

Anyway that's a good idea thanks.

manutd4eva · Jan 4, 2006, 05:55 PM

Yep I just say that then if they ask they ask if theydont they don't.

s_cianci · Jan 4, 2006, 07:02 PM

Actually, calling them "adoptive" parents seems like a good choice. A lot of young people "adopt" honorary grandparents, aunts and uncles, so why not a set of "parents"? It doesn't seem that much different. When you speak to other people, just inform them that they are your adopted parents and that your biological parents are deceased, just like you would if they were adopted grandparents or an adopted aunt and uncle. If you like, you can substitute the word "honorary" for the word "adopted."

orange · Jan 4, 2006, 07:42 PM

Thanks s_cianci, that sounds good! I think I will just stick to the term adoptive parents then. I can't of anything better.

CaptainForest · Jan 4, 2006, 10:12 PM

Calling them your adoptive parents is a possibility. You could also call them your parents to other people that don’t know your situation.

A parent is more than DNA. And obviously these people are special if they are willing to fly back to SK for your wedding. That is what makes a good parent.

What to call them? You can call them by their first name, or Mom and Dad. Whatever feels more comfortable for both you and them.

orange · Jan 4, 2006, 10:28 PM

Well THEY say they're just flying back so they don't have to fill out an absentee ballot! ;)

But yeah I'm really close to them and it would be nice to just say they're my parents... but it feels like lying sort of. But I could definitely do that with people who don't know my background. Thanks. :)

Wildcat21 · Jan 5, 2006, 10:51 AM

Its your parents then - I was adpoted at birth and love my parents to death. I never tried to contact my birth parents - I do know they were college kids at Northwestern and put me up for adoption... I was blessed with GREAT parents - the best.

I might not have liked my birth parents.

manutd4eva · Jan 5, 2006, 10:54 AM

That's also true different people have different feelings for them so call them different names.

nwsflash · Jan 6, 2006, 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by manutd4eva

thats also true different people have different feelings for them so call them different names.

I agree there are lot's of different names for all sorts of people that are in our lives.