[shygrneyzs]

I had a close friend like that and at first refused to see it in her. We would go out after work and she would always hook with some guy in the first five minutes. I finally figured it out that she needed me to be with her, since she really did not want to walk into the club alone. I'd go home and later she would come back to the apt - she lived across the hall from me - with the flavor of the night in tow. Still figured it was her life and her business. But I did tell her that being associated with her, when she did that, was not comfortable for me. We could do anything else; go out to eat, go shopping, go swimming, a dozen other things. But we were not clubbing.

You can be assertive without being aggressive.

[rockerchick_682]

I had to figure out a lot about how I felt before it was resolved. I pretty much did what you did, I said, I love you, but if you're going to hang out with me it'll be with me.

[shatteredsoul]

HEY there Rockerchick... I saw this post before and almost responded because I have also had a friend like this, we became friends in third grade. We went to elementary, junior high and high school together before I moved. By the time she was thirteen she was having sex, smoking and getting high. I wasn't. Not that I was a saint, I just didn't start as soon as her. (I still hung out with her but not always with her crowd.) She got a bad reputation in tenth grade. Every weekend she and a couple of my other friends would hook up with a different guy. WE would be at a party and they would be figuring out which guy they liked or whatever. I liked the guys too, I just didn't want to hang all over them and then get used by them. They didn't care.. they used to make fun of me to the other guys and call me names behind my back and stuff.. they didn't want to be seen as a prude like me. I really didn't let it bother me too much, I mean feelings were hurt but not enough to follow in their footsteps. I stayed friends with her through the years... through LOTS AND LOTS OF DRAMA WITH GUYS... MARRIED GUYS... YOUNGER GUYS.. DRUG ADDICTS.. ALCOHOLICS... you get the picture.. SHe has a daughter who is almost thirteen and she is quickly following in her mothers footsteps. It scares me to death, and she doesn't skip a beat about it.
HOnestly, if I wouldn't have moved far away from her when I was sixteen, I probably would not have been able to stay her friend.

I have been with the same guy since I was nineteen. I am thirty five. I have had her come visit, I went to her wedding in Vegas, (She is now divorced) and still cheats on whoever she is with. She doesn't have very high standards of morality to say the least. I have never done half the things she has done. Whenever she comes I feel awkward, uncomfortable and like she wants my husband too. She thinks I was stupid for having two kids and didn't really relate or agree to me being a housewife. Well, she lacked respect for me too. In one way, I have never agreed with or understood her wild lifestyle, but I always continued to be friends and help her out. I would listen to he sexual trysts with people and problems with others.. I would try to give the best advice I could.. but on the other hand.. I have just realized recently that I am a little jealous of her free spirited ways.. I never thought I was until I found out she started her own adult store and promotions company. She is living the life now... With all the losers she has encountered, she has now used her sexual knowledge and history to make herself money and market it. WOW.. I guess I wish I didn't have so many inhibitions.. I wish I could be a little more adventurous and explore my sexual side differently. BUT I can't. I am such a modest person. I hate to be naked around people or to feel exposed or used.. She is exposing herself and creating a network to promote sex and partying.. At first I thought it was kind of ridiculous and crude.. but deep down I am really in awe of her fierceness, her carefree attitude about everything and not giving a SH!T what other people think.

I know this was a long example to give you but the reason I shared it is because I sensed a distinct similarity between you and me. You seem to be very down to earth, sensible, smart and very beautiful.. but you have a humbleness about you. YOu don't give yourself to every guy you meet and you have strong feelings about your friend just giving herself away to every guy. It not only frustrates you but you cannot understand why she would act that way. You may be very different people and maybe you can stay friends as long as she doesn't behave that way in front of you but believe me, how she behaves will always have an affect on you. Even if you aren't there. You have an awareness of self respect and maybe she doesn't. Either way, it will bother you when you hear about the things she does or says to you. YOu have to either accept her with all of your differences or begin to create some distance between you.
I have made a conscious effort to accept my friend for like 27 years... and not only until just very recently.. I realized that I can't do it anymore. NOt only is it because of that but because she is so self absorbed and always focused on everything about her. She hasn't ever really been there for me like I have for her and she was supposed to visit me recently and decided to go to Vegas instead (for "business".. I realized that I have also been used over the years.. for money, plane tickets, or just my time or advice... I think all of those things combined have kind of made me see her as more of a person I have struggled to accept but never really been at peace with.
So, the bottom line is... take a look at the friendship as a whole. THis is one element of her and your relationship. What is she like as a friend? Does the good outweigh the bad? Is she a great person to talk to, trust and help you through tough times? IS she considerate of your feelings and your thoughts? If you answer yes, then try to salvage the friendship and keep it on terms that are more comfortable to you.. which it sounds like you are attempting. IF she is inconsiderate and hurtful in other ways, rethink your decision and if this is worth the time and energy that you are investing.
I feel like I wasted a lot of time and energy and she wasn't even that good of a friend in the first place. I recognize my feelings of inadequacy and envy are a result of my own ego and desire to be more than I am. That isn't her fault, that's mine. I just don't feel good about it anymore. I used to defend her ways, now I am just sick about it..
Good luck with everything.

[rockerchick_682]

Thank you shatteredsoul, you made me think a lot about my friendship. I think my friend has more moral values than yours but she needs to learn from her mistakes. She has been here for me in the past and I know she really does care about me, so I hope we can continue to stay friends.

[shatteredsoul]

You are very welcome! You seem to be very forgiving of her faults and love her for who she is, she couldn't ask for a better friend than that!! I hope you stay friends as well and I am glad she is good to you.

[talaniman]

Be there for your friend, that's great, but don't let her get you hurt, intentionally, or accidentally.

[rockerchick_682]

Shatteredsoul, it makes me happy to know that I'm good to the people I care about, I worry about that sometimes. I've taken my family for granted and treated them worse than they deserve, but I try not to do that anymore.

Talaniman, thank you I'll be careful. I've been telling her straight out how I feel about things so hopefully it won't get to the point where I blow up and tell her everything I feel at once and overexagerate it.

[rockerchick_682]

We just had a major fight over the same thing. We went to a concert with this other guy and I thought it would be OK cause she would sit there and talk about how he was annoying her by being to clingy, but I guess it didn't really bug her that much. I blew up because I was tired of being ignored and she ended up screaming f you in my face and storming off. Really I'm done. I've tried to be a good friend by giving her advice about things when she asks but she never takes it and I'm tired of listening to her whine about the outcomes.

It really sucks cause we had all this stuff planned for prom and graduation and now I'm screwed cause she sits there and tells everyone how horrible I am while I keep it to myself.

[shatteredsoul]

OH gosh, I know what u mean rockerchick!! I treated my family so bad when I was younger, well my mom and my sister. I have spent years trying to make up for it. The only person that really needs to forgive me now is myself. I think I have. You can't go back and change what you have done, but you make an effort everyday to treat the ones you love with compassion and kindness. I think you do. So, you should be proud of yourself for learning that lesson young in life, some people never learn it..

As for your friend, some people are just selfish. I think your friendship means more to you than it does her. Don't feel bad about that. Just recognize that not everyone deserves to be your friend. ITs too bad that it happened right before prom and graduation but then again, maybe that was meant to be. If she ruined the concert by ignoring you with some guy she barely likes, maybe she would ruin those things too! Just try to put all of that out of your mind , focus on yourself. This is your time, you never get all of this back! So many people I know skipped out on graduation and prom, or dropped out and they regret it to this day. So, instead of worrying about it, be glad and thankful that she is out of your life right now. This way you can enjoy yourself. Surround yourself around people who treat you the way you treat them. YOu don't have to stop loving her or caring about her as a friend, you just have to let her go in order to move on with your life. Maybe down the road, she will grow up a bit and learn, maybe not. You can't worry about that. You are an amazing, intelligent and beautiful girl. You have your life ahead of you and this is a special time in your life. Don't let anyone bring you down! I hope you have an incredible prom night and Congratulations on Graduating!!
OHH and all this high school mickey mouse bullsh!t, doesn't even matter after high school!
Keep in touch and don't keep it to yourself, let it out on here, we are all ready and willing to listen! Xoxo
P.S. for all the people she talks to about you, don't let it phase you, she's just making u famous hahaha! Let it roll off your back and you look like the better person..

[talaniman]

She showed her true self, and I know it stings a bit when you are a true friend, and find out she is a selfish..! You may not see it now, but your future plans, have changed for the better.

[mary-kate]

You know, just leave her. I'm having the same trouble with a slut of a best friend.She thinks every 1 likes her but she's so wrong God don't even like her!!

!!