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    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
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    #21

    Jan 13, 2008, 10:54 AM
    Speaking only for me, but I would stay for the kids; I would get legal advice, counseling if necessary; and she leaves. Of course, if your wife gets a lawyer and asks for the home and custody, she will probably get that; that's just the way it is, unless you are prepared to make the big argument that it will be in the best interest of the children that you have custody of them. You may have an enlightened judge who will listen.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #22

    Jan 13, 2008, 12:37 PM
    I wouldn't do anything without a well thought out plan. Giving up under stress is so easy, but it takes hard work, for a marriage to work, and given the circumstances, removing yourself from this chaos for a while, will give your wife a chance to see what its like without you, and give you a chance to gain perspective of your thoughts, feelings, and actions you will take. If a lawyer is indeed needed, then that can be done with a clear conscious.
    hajt70's Avatar
    hajt70 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #23

    Jan 15, 2008, 10:10 AM
    I do not mean to give up but it seems hopeless right now. I thought about leaving the house for about a month to give her a chance to see what its like without me, but I could not do it because:
    1. Who will take care the kids. Who will help then with homework. She works six day week and she is not home until after 8:00PM. I work night shift.
    2. How do I tell them.
    3. Will they be O.K mentally without me.

    This sucks. I never feel this low before. Help!!
    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
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    #24

    Jan 15, 2008, 11:23 AM
    You wrote: "two kids (12 & 9)." This is when it is toughest, and when you must be prepared to give the most. Whoever leaves needs to live close by so that you can take care of the little ones. If it were me, I would not leave because I wouldn't want my kids to have two dads. I would stay in there until the younger one is around 17 years. I would consider adding a separate bedroom for you or your wife so that you can live in peace.
    hajt70's Avatar
    hajt70 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
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    #25

    Jan 15, 2008, 02:15 PM
    Anyone agree or disagree with George's post above? Why or why not?
    Thanks,
    reyes lujan's Avatar
    reyes lujan Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #26

    Jan 16, 2008, 04:35 PM
    Positive response means don't dwell in the pass it sounds like everything your dealing with is yesterdays negative. Try starting your day with what you want to happen today. The past is the past. And I don't believe begging is the right thing to do unless you would be happy jumping ever time she says jump. A relationship is two people trying to keep a balance in family and work. The way that I deal with my problems is by visualizing what I want in life. I believe positive thinking brings positive things. And also if you keep on that negative path bringing up yesterday that brings negative results. So the whole idea is to change your way of thinking so your happy with your out come.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #27

    Jan 16, 2008, 04:54 PM
    I agree with George she is the one that wants out of the relationship so she can take all the consequences of being the one to leave especially since you take care of the kids and the house.
    Then once she gets settled and on a schedule somewhere else, if she wants visitations with the kids then let her.
    anet's Avatar
    anet Posts: 34, Reputation: 1
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    #28

    Jan 18, 2008, 07:58 PM
    You seem to be very nice person to think of your kids more that you think of yourself. God bless you!
    Since you apologize and tried your best to keep the marriage, you will be free of any guilt. That is a good
    Thing. One day, she will realized that life sakes without you. It is a matter of time. Even in this difficult
    Time try to stay positive and do the right thing for your kid's sake. At the mean time, try your best if you can
    Make the relationship work. Your kids need to know what is going on. They may be a tool to convince her as
    Well. They need to talk to her. May be her heart will be open to them and listen. It is important that the kids knows
    That you are trying to apologize and make this work.

    About letting family moves in while you are married, tell me about it? That is a disaster. I have been there and I know this. Please try to avoid that if things work out in the future.
    I will pray for you and your family so everything will work out fine.
    feel your pain's Avatar
    feel your pain Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #29

    Feb 28, 2008, 09:54 PM
    I have 2 children 12 & 13 and am currently weighing divorce. I take care of the children most of the time.She works 55 hours a week and spends little time with them(one of my biggest problems with our marriage). She also makes much more $ than I do. I will request custody of the kids, and I would imagine she won't put up a fight. Would your wife? I have started documenting instances and time that I have spent with the kids, and her lack of. Sounds weird but I know I am the better parent and they deserve all the love and attention and time that I give. I suggest you do the same. Also talk to the five best divorce lawyers in your area NOW. Usually the first meeting is free and once they have met with you they,and their firms, can not represent your wife. Be prepared, for your kids sake. Talk to your children, they are old enough to understand and should know.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #30

    Feb 29, 2008, 06:09 AM
    She wants a divorce, let her leave, and you keep your house flowing smoothly without her. Seems this started over a dumb statement to her father, and he told her. Let her have all the space she needs, while you deal with what you have to, and not worry about her. Its her decision let her make it.
    hajt70's Avatar
    hajt70 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #31

    Feb 29, 2008, 07:01 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by feel your pain
    i have 2 children 12 & 13 and am currently weighing divorce. i take care of the children most of the time.She works 55 hours a week and spends little time with them(one of my biggest problems with our marriage). She also makes much more $ than i do. i will request custody of the kids, and i would imagine she wont put up a fight. Would your wife? i have started documenting instances and time that i have spent with the kids, and her lack of. Sounds weird but i know i am the better parent and they deserve all the love and attention and time that i give. i suggest you do the same. Also talk to the five best divorce lawyers in your area NOW. usually the first meeting is free and once they have met with you they,and their firms, can not represent your wife. be prepared, for your kids sake. Talk to your children, they are old enough to understand and should know.
    I have tried to work thing out but she refuses to give it a try. I made up my mind last week. We will get a divorce. I told the children. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The kids took it better than I thought, but I am still trying to get some professional help for them. My soon to be ex wife said she would fight for the kids. She loves the children as much as I do, but she does not understand or know how they feel, what they like... not at all. It is sad!

    I have done the things that you suggested. Thanks.

    We have chose not to fight. Read my post "Be Roommate After Divorce". I know it 's weird but I do it for the kids sake.

    I would suggest you do everything you could before even thinking about divorce.

    Good luck to you and keep in touch. Come here and vent if needed. I have learned a lot from the people on this site.
    hajt70's Avatar
    hajt70 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #32

    Feb 29, 2008, 07:23 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    She wants a divorce, let her leave, and you keep your house flowing smoothly without her. Seems this started over a dumb statement to her father, and he told her. Let her have all the space she needs, while you deal with what you have to, and not worry about her. Its her decision let her make it.
    I agree. The problem is that she said she would not leave without the kids and I do not want her to move the kids to her business which has no back yard... It is like putting the kids in jail. So I have to be her roommate for a while after divorce.
    bkdaniels's Avatar
    bkdaniels Posts: 140, Reputation: 12
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    #33

    May 18, 2008, 02:01 PM
    Marriage is so addicting, that I often compare divorce to stopping cigerette smoking. This is because the success for stopping cold turkey is higher than those who call themselves gradually quitting. However, as the United Negro College Fund slogan goes, the mind is a terrible thing to waste.

    Women are so confusing because the want to have their cake and eat it to. Women have the most sinful nature. Guys can be bad, but it was the woman initially who was deceived by satan to eat the apple. Just think if that apple was sex. Eve would have been lured into bed after hearing a few good words. So, if you are talking about honestly, she will let you know about her actions, she is not the one. On the other hand, maybe she is, but have just gotten board.

    It is a fact: A person who won't TREAT you right, damn sure will not TEACH you right. Imagine a slave going to the slave master asking, "master, how can I be free? Chances are he will not tell him the truth so that the slave master himself can keep the advantage. Same is so with women. They may not tell you the truth about your corny jokes not being funny. Or the sex not being all that great. Or there is someone else, for example. If you tell a woman that I will paint your house when you meet her and 15 years past and she still have old paint chipping off her house, it is very unlikely that she is going to stick around to be disappointed by any more of your broken promises. She deserves a new painter, but may not tell you in effort to get you to stick around just in case the new painter call in sick. So the move is on you.

    When it comes to marriage, there is no right or wrong answers. It all boils down to choices. If the two of you can not choose to be with each other, then your marriage is already over - despite the papers. Unthink marriage.

    Hope this answers your question!

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