[JudyKayTee]

The sad truth is that your life never will be the same - it may be worse, it may be better but it will never be the same.

I understand your anger and grief - I am a widow and I blamed myself every day for not doing... something. Now, looking back, how could I see what his Doctors didn't see? But at the time that anger at myself got me through some difficult days. First, you have to forgive yourself and let that anger at yourself go.

Blame is easy, including self blame. You obviously loved your father and he loved you - and you have to sort of focus on that during these difficult days.

It does get better. Really it does. There's no time table for grief. Everyone suffers for a different period, in a different way. You have to find a road that brings you comfort - sometimes it's religion, sometimes it's remembering, sometimes it's denial, sometimes it's anger. Eventually those stages pass and while you'll always miss him you will find peace.

I'm sorry for your loss and wish I had wise and wonderful words that would make you feel better - but I don't.

Just know that grief is not easy and blame does not help.

[nannas rohini]

My Dad 'got lost'... everything happened in 15 min,he was 60,now I should live without seeing him for next 50 years... I really hope I don't live for so long with this pain... I was asking my dad to get up crying "wake up" its 11.00am... but this time he never listened... God stabbed me right into my heart for I and my dad did nothing wrong... WHY?

[JudyKayTee]

I don't understand the "got lost" part but I do understand the grief.

I don't believe in a God who punishes people so I don't see death as a punishment, simply as a part of life.

How long ago did this happen? It appears to be very, very fresh.

[George_1950]

My Dad 'got lost'...everything happened in 15 min,he was 60,now I should live without seeing him for next 50 years....I really hope I dont live for so long with this pain....I was asking my dad to get up crying "wake up" its 11.00am...but this time he never listened....God stabbed me right into my heart for I and my dad did nothing wrong...WHY?

I sincerely regret your loss and extend my sympathies to your family and friends. It is my belief that God has not harmed you; if anything, God calls you. Dying is not usually a matter of 'right and/or wrong'; it is more of a 'process', or the end of a process. My friend, it is a paradox that the loss and grief we feel when a loved-one passes is a result of our love and devotion to the deceased. There are various strategies for overcoming the loss of your dad; you can discover them and use them as others have before you.

[Kitkat22]

Please listen to the gospel song "I Can Only Imagine". Losing my father crippled me emotionally for several years. He was my hero, my rock and my best friend. It will get better, I promise. There is no such thing as closure, we just learn to live with the sorrow and in time we start to heal. The scars remain, but the memories of you andyour Dad will always be there in your heart.. God Bless You

[321543]

We all have our time here, for life is a gift to us all. This is why we should live it doing something posative each day. Learning, working and doing the will of our creator first.

Even though I fall short of those words at time . Even while I am doing my simplest chores, like cleaning my car and waxing it, changing the oil, rakeing the leaves with my sons,etc. All the things I was once paid to do by my Grandfather, which I still get shaken up about, after 30 years. I will stand back and say Thank you grandfather. Little did I know it then he was teaching me things that would be with for all the days of my life.
He has never left me. I see that he also lives through out my works and good deads, just as he taught me. I can now only hope that I can one day become the man that he was.

[CaptainRich]

Death is as much a part of life as the air we breath.
While we mourn for our loss of a loved one, we often cherish thoughts of where they are now.

[Kitkat22]

Death is as much a part of life as the air we breath.
While we mourn for our loss of a loved one, we often cherish thoughts of where they are now.

["They that sow in tears shall reap in joy".. Ps. 126:5][/I]

[iwantmydadback]

HI,
My dad died this new years day... 2010. In australia. I feel terrible but your story helped... thank you. It was unexpected too. Tried to get him to the hospital and failed. 65 he was. And loved and missed.
I do hope you are feeling better...

[Kitkat22]

HI,
My dad died this new years day...2010. In australia. I feel terrible but your story helped...thank you. It was unexpected too. Tried to get him to the hospital and failed. 65 he was. And loved and missed.
I do hope you are feeling better...

Bless you.. I'm so sorry for your loss. I was always a daddys girl. This past Sunday was the first Fathers Day I haven't spent the day crying. I know I'm going to see him again and you will see yours again. Thank you so much for making my day. It will get better... I promise... Bless you and you are in my prayers... Kit:)

[kelly1212]

Hi I lost my dad 8 weeks ago to small bowel cancer, I am strugling with this as my dad was my best friend and I can't stop crying, he was 51 in April and died 30th June, I'm 30 and my little girl turns 1 year old next week I can't believe he won't be here for it, and it saddens me so much, I also can't bring myself to go to work, I have a job where I speak to lots of people who have cancer, aswll as other ailments.I seem to be feeling worse as time is going on, at the beginning I couldn't cry , but now I'm finding it hard to stop.I was there when my dad died,and I believe he was going somewhere special as he was holding his arms out stretched just before he died,as if someone was there to take him ,this was strange as he could hardly move the day before, he wasn't speaking to me or my mum when he said which door do I need to go though he was talking to someone but not us, because I said who you talking to ? And he looked at me and went shh! Like he was listening to someone and then said oh yes the pink and white one, he was obviously talking to someone , and that does make me feel a bit better,as he had been lucid all day,and wasn't hallucinating.

[JudyKayTee]

There is an Austrian belief (and I am of Austrian heritage) that a deceased relative "comes" and takes the dying person to a better place. Both of my Grandparents, right before they died, behaved similarly to your father - my Grandfather spoke to HIS father and my Grandmother spoke to HER mother.

My husband was in a coma for weeks but before he died he was totally lucid for a moment, told me to go on, that I would be all right, that he loved me - and to remember to take care of his dog! His dog has a person's name and the Nurse thought he was speaking about a child. Why did he say these things? I have no idea - and he died in my arms shortly after that.

As far as your grief - there is no right way to grieve, no wrong way. Maybe because you work with people with health issues the death of your father, your suffering and pain and grief, will make you more able to understand what these patients are experiencing, thus helping them in your father's memory.

I am so sorry for your loss - it's a long road but eventually it DOES get better. Your life will never, ever be the same but that doesn't mean it won't be "good" again. I remember when I never thought I would smile or laugh, not ever again - and then one day a neighbor came over for coffee when I was having a really bad day and told me a memory of my husband, a funny memory, and I actually laughed out loud. For a moment I felt guilty but then I remembered his words about going on.

Your father would want you to go.

You will find peace in your own time frame.

[Kitkat22]

I believe when we die just before that breath leaves our body we do see our destination and people who have gone before. Your Dad is with his maker. He isn't in pain anymore and he loved you. You were with your Dad and you didn't leave him. My Dad went home to be with the Lord in 2002 and I think of him nearly everyday. The pain of his loss still hits me really hard at times and it's like being hit in the stomach with a wrecking ball. I find myself curling up in bed and weeping like I used too when I was a little girl.

You have the peace of knowing you were with him at the end. I wasn't.
The twenty one days my Dad was in the hospital I rarely left and when I did it was to come home, shower, change clothes. The night he died my husband asked me to come home and rest and I didn't want too, but I was so tired. My siblings were there as well as my mom. I kissed him on the top of his head and I kissed his hand. He was in a coma. I whispered to him and said, "I love you daddy, see you in the morning".


We got home and the phone rang and my Dad had passed away. I wasn't there. I've lived with that and the guilt of leaving him, he would
Have never left one of us if we had been dying. You are lucky to have been there with your Dad and you will see him again. You'll get better and the pain will lessen. Blessings to you and your family.

[kelly1212]

Thank you for replying , I do believe now that we go somewhere after leaving the body and that we will all meet again after seeing my dad and what he did makes me believe so much this.Im so sorry you lost your husband you will c him again x

[kelly1212]

Hi thank you so much for your replys, today I've woke up and so far haven't cried yet!I no I was so gratefull to be there in his final moments,there's so much heartache on this page,all I can say is that our loved ones as far as I'm concerned will be waiting for us when its our time,and that's keeps me going.ive been researching deathbed visions (dbv).and the stories that people have witnessed is so amazing.

[Kitkat22]

hi thankyou so much for your replys, today ive woke up and so far havent cried yet!i no i was so gratefull to be there in his final moments,theres so much heartache on this page,all i can say is that our loved ones as far as im concerned will be waiting for us when its our time,and thats keeps me going.ive been researching deathbed visions (dbv).and the stories that people have witnessed is so amazing.

I think your Dad saw heaven and he was so anxious to go that's why he said "Shhh". He couldn't believe the beauty. He saw loved ones. When my dad was in ICU, a week before he died I went back to see him and for a minute he was able to talk and I said "hey Dad pretty soon they're going to let you go home" I had his hand in mine and he shook his head and
Said,; I'm going home , but not to the old home. I've seen what heaven is like and it's something I couldn't even begin to tell how beautiful it is. That's going to be my home in a little while"

I know he's there and so is your dad. I always thought my Dad was coming back home. I wasn't prepared to lose him. I know we'll see them agin and we'll all be together again. My Dad was my shoulder and my hero and he understood me. I was always a "daddy's girl". I'll bet you were too. God Bless you.:)


This brings me comfort.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9YOyEkICyg - 110k

[kelly1212]

Hi what a lovely song will have to let my mum listen to it, lovely words and comforting thanks very much and god bless you .

[JudyKayTee]

Kelly, where you go and what you do from this point forward is a tribute to your Dad, the man who raised you. As long as you remember him, he is not truly gone or lost to you.

I am a far better person for having met, married and loved my late husband - and I carry his spirit everywhere I go.

And as far as crying is concerned - my life has gone on. I'm remarried and happily - but some days it hits me hard all over again. Life goes on despite of or because of what we've all been through.

I will pay a special tribute to my friend kitkat22 - and we only know each other through this Board. She's a kind, loving person, always reaching out, always helping. She is grieving her father BUT she is a living tribute to his memory and his love. That's what matters. (This will make Kit cry and I'm sorry - but it's true.)

Know you're not alone - and your life is a tribute to your father's love for you.

[worksweb]

My dad is dead before 20 days and I do not want to see the days without him, he has 57 and had not seen any marriage which was about to happen of mine in Jan or Feb. I don't want any happiness now as I know it will be incomplete without my dad, he died due to pneumonia. I am very upset and am elder in my family age 26. I feel that I must go to him, and stay with him there above I am sure he will be in heaven. I want my dad desperately, every night I sleep with expectation that this all will be a bad dream, and I would see my dad back in morning, but this does not happen I have one mother one brother and 1 sister, I tell them directly that I want to go to my father, they tell me that you will not get him, tell many reasons for not to die, I feel very bad by seeing there faces. The path to go to my father is 3 to 4 minutes away and they are very painful. I want my father to see happiness of my marriage, and sit in our car and all but all this will not happen without him, I am ready to play the game not only with my life but with an eternity I don't know whether I will get him even after death, but I love all my family members and I want everyone together, my dad is alone there. The main reason is every morning I wake up with the pain in my heart of losing such a good man. I cannot/ don't want to feel the pain. I want my father, god please if you are reading this please bring my father back, let all the memories of last 20 days vanishes from evryone who knows my father is no more, and let me remember evrything and *** god, read this and send my father back in morning and let all this be dream, I promise I will not ask from you the any other thing in life, send him healthy this time and *** give him 5 yrs with me more. I beg you, Let us live. You know we had already got 3 big shocks in life *** god not this one, please Bring my father back, it will be not difficult for you. Let us live happily together.