[l99057j]

I think you totally misread my post, I didn't accuse you of nagging. That was just an example.

I should have known I'd get this type of answer from a man. Someone who obviously has never been pregnant, and has really no clue what he is talking about.

I don't get why input from men gets disregarded... I never once implied or said that I completely understand what is happening to you as a woman. Never. I simply tried to give you input because, as a woman, you may not be able to completely understand what is going on in your husband's mind. Just because I can't personally be pregnant doesn't mean that I haven't lived through two pregnancies with my wife or that I might not have something to contribute to the conversation.

As for the statement that he would withhold, that still doesn't make it right and is all the more reason you guys need to talk.

I tried to give you a well reasoned, supportive response from a male point of view based on the information you gave. You did not mention your belief that he would be a jerk if the roles were reversed. Given what you said in your post, I could only assume that it was a healthy, happy relationship with only one particular activity lacking.

In the future, if you intend to completely disrespect the input from one gender you might say so in your post so that potential contributors don't waste their time trying to help. I tried to give you some information that your husband might be hesitant to provide on his own.

[Fr_Chuck]

First you are not going to "force" or make someone do a sexual act they don't want to do, and them enjoy it at all. And trying to force a sexual act they don't want to do will only cause more and more separation, he will not even want to start regular sex since he will think you are wanting more and he just will not want to deal with it. So be careful in forcing too much of any issue.

And while not wanting to sound wrong, you may want to remember that many men will never do it ever, so you have one that will normally and that is more than a large percentage of women,
Just as the group of women who would never do oral on their husband.

So each partner needs to respect that at times or sometimes all the time, one partner may perfer not to do certain things. To force the issue will just cause resentment not a result you are looking for

[Starrviolet]

I think you totally misread my post, I didn't accuse you of nagging. That was just an example.



I don't get why input from men gets disregarded... I never once implied or said that I completely understand what is happening to you as a woman. Never. I simply tried to give you input because, as a woman, you may not be able to completely understand what is going on in your husband's mind. Just because I can't personally be pregnant doesn't mean that I haven't lived through two pregnancies with my wife or that I might not have something to contribute to the conversation.

As for the statement that he would withhold, that still doesn't make it right and is all the more reason you guys need to talk.

I tried to give you a well reasoned, supportive response from a male point of view based on the information you gave. You did not mention your belief that he would be a jerk if the roles were reversed. Given what you said in your post, I could only assume that it was a healthy, happy relationship with only one particular activity lacking.

In the future, if you intend to completely disrespect the input from one gender you might say so in your post so that potential contributors don't waste their time trying to help. I tried to give you some information that your husband might be hesitant to provide on his own.

I'm sorry that I misread your post. I interpreted it as that you were trying to imply that the man is affected in the same regard as the woman..
Sorry that I disrespected you, but when I read your post the first time I kind of read between the lines that you were not neutral and were more or less saying that what he was doing was all right. But then again I misunderstood...

And my husband and I are happy! And other than this one bump in our relationship, we are fine. Its just that I have made sacrifices in this pregnancy where I didn't really want to do certain things but I wanted to keep things in our love life on the same level because its important when you are a pregnant couple to still feel like your partner wants you and desires you, that way.. and I didn't ever want him to feel like the baby was getting in between.. There have been times where I didn't want to give oral, but I did. I just can't understand why he won't make the same compromise for me.

[George_1950]

I tried to just give a rating, but couldn't. You wrote: "I wanted to keep things in our love life on the same level because its important when you are a pregnant couple to still feel like your partner wants you and desires you, that way..and I didn't ever want him to feel like the baby was getting in between..There have been times where I didn't want to give oral, but I did. I just can't understand why he wont make the same compromise for me."

It just doesn't get any better than this, does it?

[Starrviolet]

First you are not going to "force" or make someone do a sexual act they don't want to do, and them enjoy it at all. And trying to force a sexual act they don't want to do will only cause more and more seperation, he will not even want to start regular sex since he will think you are wanting more and he just will not want to deal with it. So be careful in forcing too much of any issue.

And while not wanting to sound wrong, you may want to remember that many men will never do it ever, so you have one that will normally and that is more than a large percentage of women,
Just as the group of women who would never do oral on thier husband.

So each partner needs to respect that at times or sometimes all the time, one partner may perfer not to do certain things. To force the issue will just cause resentment not a result you are looking for

Once again, I don't want to FORCE him to do it.. I just want him to see that if he doesn't want to do it for me then why should he still expect it from me..

[l99057j]

There have been times where I didn't want to give oral, but I did.

And that might be part of the problem. If it was just a minor thing, like maybe you still wanted to do it but would have preferred something different that night, then I don't see any problem with this. We can't always be in sync and as long as both partners are willing to give a little ground because they know the other will reciprocate that is OK. But if you really didn't want to do oral and you did then there is a problem there. You should never do something you don't want and you shouldn't expect your hubby to either. Since I don't know the exact circumstances I can't say which category this falls into.

Its just that I have made sacrifices in this pregnancy where I didn't really want to do certain things but I wanted to keep things in our love life on the same level because its important when you are a pregnant couple to still feel like your partner wants you and desires you, that way.. and I didn't ever want him to feel like the baby was getting in between

Brace yourself, you won't like the next statement. Your love life will not be on the same level. Period. Your body is going through changes that affect whether you want to or even can. He is experiencing feelings that are obviously affecting his desires. Even after the pregnancy there will be lots of late night feedings and other wonderful parental responsibilities that may keep you both tired and affect the frequency of activity. I'm not saying it will be bad... just different.

Don't try to hold yourself to your pre-pregnancy standards. You have chosen to live in a state that temporarily affects your physical relationship in exchange for a lifetime of wonderful memories as a family.

Hang in there, I bet things will get better after the baby arrives and you've both had some time to settle back into a normal routine. Best of luck.

[talaniman]

I think once you have this child, things will go back to the way it was, so don't take his aversion personally. As you say, it's a temporary glitch in an otherwise happy relationship.

[Starrviolet]

And that might be part of the problem. If it was just a minor thing, like maybe you still wanted to do it but would have preferred something different that night, then I don't see any problem with this. We can't always be in sync and as long as both partners are willing to give a little ground because they know the other will reciprocate that is ok. But if you really didn't want to do oral and you did then there is a problem there. You should never do something you don't want and you shouldn't expect your hubby to either. Since I don't know the exact circumstances I can't say which category this falls into.



Brace yourself, you won't like the next statement. Your love life will not be on the same level. Period. Your body is going through changes that affect whether you want to or even can. He is experiencing feelings that are obviously affecting his desires. Even after the pregnancy there will be lots of late night feedings and other wonderful parental responsibilities that may keep you both tired and affect the frequency of activity. I'm not saying it will be bad... just different.

Don't try to hold yourself to your pre-pregnancy standards. You have chosen to live in a state that temporarily affects your physical relationship in exchange for a lifetime of wonderful memories as a family.

Hang in there, I bet things will get better after the baby arrives and you've both had some time to settle back into a normal routine. Best of luck.

Thank you for your response, maybe I won't ever completely understand.. but I definitely agree with this statement "You have chosen to live in a state that temporarily affects your physical relationship in exchange for a lifetime of wonderful memories as a family. " Which is true.. I guess if we can survive this... then in the end the result will be worth it:)

[Starrviolet]

I think once you have this child, things will go back to the way it was, so don't take his aversion personally. As you say, its a temporary glitch in an otherwise happy relationship.

True.. I guess things could be a lot worse..

[Big Sky Butterfly]

Have you and he discussed this dilemma with your obstetrician at all? If not, maybe the next time you go for a check up, it would be a good topic to discuss. Maybe your man thinks it is not a healthy activity to do while pregnant, or perhaps the whole pregnancy and oral sex idea has him intimidated, or maybe slightly turned off. Some men are really turned on by a pregnant woman, while there are those who seem to not find it very sexy at all. It would not be a good idea to attempt to force the issue. However, if he is not willing to open up and discuss his reservations about pleasing you orally, maybe that aspect of your sex life should be put on hold in both directions for awhile.

[illusion48]

I am 22 weeks pregnant, and ever since I found out I was, he doesnt want to give oral sex anymore. He will have intercourse with me but no oral. He tells me that he just feels wrong because our child is in there but yet he has no problem having sex with me. I dont understand.Its not like the baby can see whats happening or has any idea whats going on. What is your opinions on this? Why is he doing this and how can I get him to see it differently.

There is an increased discharge during pregnancy because of the hormone changes, that has much stronger taste and smell... Maybe your boyfriend is bothered by this but he doesn't know how to tell you. You can simply wash yourself prior to engaging in these activities. But of course talk to him before...