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buster1104 · Dec 28, 2007, 02:38 AM

:confused: It has now almost been six months since my wife has had any sexual interest in me. This is not quite as bad as the 9 month about I went through last time. Bare in mind that she is pregnant... I am trying to me patient but I am feeling like a roommate or maybe she is satisfying herself elsewhere... Any suggestions on where I might be going wrong? I can not even talk to her about it otherwise she will fly off the handle.:confused:

donf · Dec 28, 2007, 06:31 AM

Talk to your lady about her lack of sexual interest in you. I personally would be more inclined to think that her interest in sex is low, not her interest in you.

There is a medical condition that is treatable that might help her. Go with her to her Ob/Gyn and talk about your problem of miss matched sex drives. The reason I say your problem, is that she appears to be content therefore you have the problem.

I heard about the medical treatment on the radio, beyond that her doctor would be the best source of verifiable information.

buster1104 · Dec 28, 2007, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by donf

Talk to your lady about her lack of sexual interest in you. I personally would be more inclined to think that her interest in sex is low, not her interest in you.

There is a medical condition that is treatable that might help her. Go with her to her Ob/Gyn and talk about your problem of miss matched sex drives. The reason I say your problem, is that she appears to be content therefore you have the problem.

I heard about the medical treatment on the radio, beyond that her doctor would be the best source of verifiable information.

Talking is out of the question. She 'blows' up if I even try to ask her about it?

shygrneyzs · Dec 28, 2007, 04:55 PM

She is pregnant, that alone can send a woman into a different frame of being. What is she like when she is not pregnant?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 28, 2007, 05:19 PM

Yes, stop putting so much worry into sex and more into a relationship.
Life goes on if you and her for some medical reason perhaps could not ever have sex again, what happens then ? So you go without much sex for a while, try being a loving husband.

George_1950 · Dec 28, 2007, 08:01 PM

Flyng off the handle is abuse, pregnant or not. Consult a competent counselor and get advice on when and how to get this on the front burner. If she refuses, you will have to take another route, such as a trial separation and reassessment of the value of the relationship. Marriage does not equate with living in hell.

George_1950 · Dec 28, 2007, 08:36 PM

Fr_Chuck writes: "she is not feeling like sex...." Fr_Chuck: you don't know what she is feeling, do you? Further, what "many women" feel does not correlate with "normal'. Take your double talk and put it where the sun don't shine, brother.

donf · Dec 28, 2007, 08:39 PM

George,

When was the last time you were pregnant? I've survived four pregnancies with my wife. Every time she was a different type of alien from Hell. Sex was the very last thing on her mind. Thinking of ways to get even with me for doing that to her was much higher on her to do list.

Unfortunately, the only successful pregnancy was the first one. We lost 3 little boys. Now a days these children would have been saved, but not back then. At what point do I tell my wife that she has to suck it up (no pun intended) and give in to my petty demand. Before or after she loses a child?

George_1950 · Dec 28, 2007, 09:31 PM

Perhaps we are responding to different aspects; donf and Fr_Chuck are talking about sex; I am responding to " I can not even talk to her about it otherwise she will fly off the handle." Frankly, I paid zero attention to the post, other than his wife has what I would characterize as an anger problem.

Let's direct our attention to what you were looking at: sex. The comment by the poster is "It has now almost been six months since my wife has had any sexual interest in me."
My view of her lack of "any sexual interest" is that she lacks intimacy and is cold-natured. You have your opinion, and I have mine.

Really, this has nothing to do with "feeling like sex" (Fr_Chuck) or "When was the last time you were pregnant?" (donf).

Wondergirl · Dec 28, 2007, 09:40 PM

Want a woman's point of view, or have you guys figured this out already?

When we are pregnant, we feel fat, we look fat, we have swollen ankles, we don't want to eat, we do want to eat, it's hard to find a comfortable position, the baby kicks or squeezes our bladder a lot, and our hormones are all over the place.

Even so, if she's avoiding sex, there may be something bigger than that going on in the relationship. You've told us how she's doing as a wife, buster. How are you doing as a husband? And what was going on during the nine-month sex break before this?

donf · Dec 28, 2007, 09:46 PM

Okay George,

Given the gross physical changes to a woman's body as the pregnancy moves along in time, the pressure on the bladder, the child bouncing around in her. The kicking on the Uterus' wall, Mood swings, temper tantrums, depressions because she has to look at this "Hideous" person in the mirror (Personally I think a woman is gorgeous when she carrying) strange eating habits and the lists goes ever onward.

Why would she want to add a grown man bouncing up and down on her to make her day complete?

As to feeling like sex, are you suggesting that her feelings don't matter. That she should submit just because he says so! We have to agree to disagree on that point. I believe that her desire level is very important. If it is not there, he would have more fun with a leaky balloon. And no, I have never used a balloon.

There is a time and place for everything. In her world there is no room for sex at the present time. And true, while I don't know these folks, I do know how my lady thinks and acts most of the time so I can extrapolate from there.

buster1104 · Dec 29, 2007, 05:06 AM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

She is pregnant, that alone can send a woman into a different frame of being. What is she like when she is not pregnant?

We went through a 9 month lack of intimacy before she was pregnant... So I can't just chalk it up to her being pregnant in my mind

buster1104 · Dec 29, 2007, 05:11 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

yes, stop putting so much worry into sex and more into a relationship.
Life goes on if you and her for some medical reason perhaps could not ever have sex again, what happens then ? So you go without much sex for a while, try being a loving husband.

I am a very giving, helping, do anything husband. The only lacking thing in the relationship is our lack of intimacy.

buster1104 · Dec 29, 2007, 05:16 AM

Originally Posted by donf

Okay George,

Given the gross physical changes to a woman's body as the pregnancy moves along in time, the pressure on the bladder, the child bouncing around in her. The kicking on the Uterus' wall, Mood swings, temper tantrums, depressions because she has to look at this "Hideous" person in the mirror (Personally I think a woman is gorgeous when she carrying) strange eating habits and the lists goes ever onward.

Why would she want to add a grown man bouncing up and down on her to make her day complete?

As to feeling like sex, are you suggesting that her feelings don't matter. That she should submit just because he says so! We have to agree to disagree on that point. I believe that her desire level is very important. If it is not there, he would have more fun with a leaky balloon. And no, I have never used a balloon.

There is a time and place for everything. In her world there is no room for sex at the present time. And true, while I don't know these folks, I do know how my lady thinks and acts most of the time so I can extrapolate from there.

I do realize that her body has been twisted inside out with the pregnancy. Her feelings do matter. I have been guilty of being a nag about the lack of sex... and no I don't think she should just submit because I have an interest and she doesn't. Because of the second round of no Interest in intercourse I am wondering if she just does not have those feelings for me anymore...

buster1104 · Dec 29, 2007, 05:19 AM

Originally Posted by George_1950

Flyng off the handle is abuse, pregnant or not. Consult a competent counselor and get advice on when and how to get this on the front burner. If she refuses, you will have to take another route, such as a trial separation and reassessment of the value of the relationship. Marriage does not equate with living in hell.

First off I can't not afford counseling. Hence WHy I am here for a different point of view. Second, I would never leave her or separate because of the lack of sex.

buster1104 · Dec 29, 2007, 05:26 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Want a woman's point of view, or have you guys figured this out already?

When we are pregnant, we feel fat, we look fat, we have swollen ankles, we don't want to eat, we do want to eat, it's hard to find a comfortable position, the baby kicks or squeezes our bladder a lot, and our hormones are all over the place.

Even so, if she's avoiding sex, there may be something bigger than that going on in the relationship. You've told us how she's doing as a wife, buster. How are you doing as a husband? And what was going on during the nine-month sex break before this?

My wife has said the same about not feeling like she looks good anymore, feels fat, etc... Even if I tell her the opposite she still feels the same. As a husband I think the I have been doing fairly well. I moved to a different state so that she could be near her family, threw away a really decent paying job to do so and am the guy who has no issues with changing diapers and doing the laundry, etc...

buster1104 · Dec 29, 2007, 05:36 AM

Originally Posted by George_1950

Evidently, some readers do not understand what you mean by "blow up". Do you have any examples?

As far as what I meant by blowing up or flying off the handle... It turns into a HUGE argument and makes her super pissed. Basically I would be better off shooting myself in the foot because it would hurt less

talaniman · Dec 29, 2007, 11:09 AM

I think you have bigger problems than just sex, pregnancy notwithstanding, but now is not the time to expect intimacy. There are other areas of this relationship calling for attention here.

s_cianci · Dec 29, 2007, 11:28 AM

I think the above post is of prime importance. There are more fundamental issues in your marriage that need to be addressed. The lack of desire and intimacy, I think, is a symptom, not a cause.

Wondergirl · Dec 29, 2007, 12:03 PM

Originally Posted by buster1104

First off I can't not afford counseling. Hence WHy I am here for a different point of view. Second, I would never leave her or separate because of the lack of sex.

You can't afford counseling, or you "can't not afford" it?

I'm guessing, because of your next sentence, you don't think you can afford counseling. Actually, you can and, in fact, it might be the best investment you ever make! Counselors, both at an agency and through the county or township, have sliding scales based on your income. You don't have to promise to be counseled for the rest of your life. A half dozen or so sessions with or without your wife should clarify things and provide you with some goals to work on.

Like the others have said, and as I said earlier, there's more going on here than her unwillingness to be intimate.