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lilbutterbean · Dec 27, 2007, 12:53 PM

I'm about to be 18 in 2 more months, and my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half, but we've known each other for 5 years now. We've been through absolutely everything together. We even lost a child together. We've had our ups and downs but we love each other very much. This past Christmas Eve he proposed to me and I said yes, but I'm afraid to tell any of my family. I just want to know do you think it's a good idea for us to get married or should I just wait even though we both know this is what we want?

JoeCanada76 · Dec 27, 2007, 12:56 PM

Are you having doubts? What do you think the best thing to do? If you can not tell your parents, why not? There are so many questions you need to ask yourself, and decide what the best thing to do on your own. Many people would say if your questioning it, then maybe it is not the right time to get married.

ISneezeFunny · Dec 27, 2007, 01:08 PM

Hmm. He didn't ask your family if it was OK. I'm not sure if that's normal... but I would think he would at least talk to someone in your family about it?

My best advice is... marriage is the ultimate thing, no? You want your family's support in this. No family support can only give you problems down the road.

Wondergirl · Dec 27, 2007, 01:15 PM

Is your family against this relationship even though you've known each other for so many years? Was the "loss of a child" an abortion? Maybe that's one thing your family has against him?

And on another tack, does your family want you to go to college or establish a career, be independent for a few years before getting married to someone?

Why are you afraid to tell your family that you two want to marry?

mjl · Dec 27, 2007, 05:17 PM

I met my husband when we were 12. We got engaged at 18. Then we got married when we were 20. We are 21 years old now.

I don't think there is anything wrong with getting engaged or getting married young as long as you are mature enough for it. Marriage is a HUGE responsibility.

What kind of surprised me in your post was you being so nervous to tell your parents. If you are too scared to tell them, you may not ready for it. A marriage is the kind of thing that you want your parents behind you on it.

My husband and I took a marriage course before getting married to really understand what we were getting into. We thought it would be the responsible thing to do. It actually opened our eyes to many things we didn't think about before then, and got us talking together about things we never discussed before. I would recommend it to any couple especially young couples preparing for marriage.

If this is really what you and him want to do go for it. But if you have any doubt then think twice about it. Make sure you talk to your parents about it soon. Get their input. I'm sure they have a lot of advice to give you whether positive or negative. They probably know you best in this world, so if I were you I'd listen to whatever they have to say about it, after all they are your parents.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 27, 2007, 05:32 PM

If you are afraid to tell them to the point of not telling them, you are not readly to be a adult and get married, Part of being an adult is doing what has to be done, YOu and the boyfriend should tell them together.

George_1950 · Dec 28, 2007, 08:05 PM

It comes down to maturity. Do both of you have jobs, such that you can support each other, individually and/or jointly? Do you have a checking account? Have you filed a tax return? Have you bought a car and do you maintain insurance? You really should establish some level of maturity and independence before giving it all up.

nicespringgirl · Dec 29, 2007, 01:32 PM

Exactly!

Money isn't everything, but you should have heard in the first 5 years, most couples break up on financial issues.

I advice you get a college degree first, then work for a while before you even think about this.

talaniman · Dec 30, 2007, 09:38 PM

At least wait until you can feed yourselves, because contrary to popular belief, you can't live off love. And unless you have lived in a card board box on the street you haven't shared everything. Point being, you may know each other well and have been through a lot together, but you haven't finished changing and growing, and have a lot more to go through. Take your time and make plans.

Confused3909 · Sep 4, 2011, 11:47 PM

I think you should tell them. You have to do what will make you happy. Not what will make them Happy. I know maybe its not the ideal situation since you are only 18 but I am 18 as well and I'm hoping to get engaged soon(hopefully next year) and I would be too overjoyed not to tell everyonre. I know its so tough since we are so young but you had such a huge experience with yalls baby(which I apologize for) And if you are strong enough to get through that you WILL get through marriage. Don't be scared!!

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