Check out some similar questions!

in a state · Dec 29, 2007, 06:35 PM

Not sure if well
Some weeks ago I posted about my somewhat serious relationship with the first guy that ever meant something to me and being dumped out of the blue,without getting significant reasons.or at least,not from my point of view.I have been through all the stages.
Hysteria:crying crying crying,scratching myself with my nails,kissing myself afterwards.So yeah,what a freak.
Oh but please don't judge,I've done enough of that.Although I am putting myself in a very vulnerable position sharing this,I'm just getting it OFF my chest and I'm trying to paint a clear picture of what a mess I was for some time that seemed like FOREVER.
Obsession:wondering if he's ever again going to come back to me,waiting for his calls,e-mails,calls,CALLS,been logged in on the chat even if there was nobody to talk to,but just to see if he's online and going to contact me,how long he has been idle,when he is out etc;going to parties that I knew he would attend just to hear him say 'hi' to me and interpret the way he is looking at me.So yeah,what a freak.Seemed like FOREVER
Numbness,emptiness,rage,frustration.frustration.fr ustration.idleness
Well,could come up with a bunch of other feelings or reactions such as these.Point is You all know where I'm coming from.
Now I am somewhat at peace with the fact that it is truly over.'Somewhat' because I get very jealous when I see a certain bimbo following him around.but whatever.it's going to be OK.I'm improving.

Thing is.on Christmas I met this man through a friend.This man is 37.Good looking(I thought he was still in his 20s) and successful,seeking for a relationship.
Last night I went out.I met him again,by accident.we chatted a bit.He seemed to be very nice and friendly-like.Then flirted a bit.Asked about new year's party,I said I am going to spend it with my closest friends.He suggested we might get together after my party is over,and come to his.''Yeah,could be fun''.He asked for my phone number and I gave it to him.

After I talked to him,mingled some more and some other guy I have never ever met(but noticed around social gatherings) comes up to me and says my name,then tells me we go to the same school.he's doing his master's degree.I was a bit... off guard?I had no idea who he was,yet he knew things about me.We introduced ourselves.He started flirting,telling me after we shook hands what lovely warm hands I've got,such delicate fingers..? Stuff like that.I told him to read my palm,what the hell :p
But it was a bit flattering.He asked for my phone number. I wouldn't give it to him and said that he had to work for it and investigate some more.I forgot how fun it was to play games :) we said goodbye and he said he'd call me to see a film together... over at his place...

There was a guy I really like(25),but he is friends with my ex.He always is very warm when says ''hello'',smiles and looks at me in a certain way,like we are more than just acquaintances(I mean he does seem genuinely pleased to see me),dances and smiles around me,toasts when we are both having drinks,once offered me one... Yeah,I meet him only at parties,I've never actually got to talk to him about anything.I just smile back.
Met him last night too,he pinched my waist,smiled,and left.So you see,he does things that show intimacy.I mean,you don't pinch any girl's waist... not your friend's ex... you follow?
I know it' wrong to like him because he is a friend of my ex,but he's the only offer I couldn't refuse.There is something about him,I find him adorable and would looove to know him better.
I can't tell if he's just being friendly and that's his nature,being warm(or at least just in my head) or if there might be more about it... like... he's interested in me but won't make a move because it might be awkward.
What do you think?What should i do?make a move?trying to talk to him once is after all pretty innocent....or forget about it,it's all in my head and then i would be considered a $lut if i showed interest in my ex's friend ?!74327$#$) really confused

37 called today to ask me to come over for a movie and wine... I said I was tired and postponed it.I like the fact that he is older-very experienced and mature than any other dumba$$ my age,but it scares me at the same time,makes me feel insecure that I'm not yet a WOMAN and won't live up to his expectations.I don't want to be regarded as a kid.
Detective hasn't called yet.But if he does,I don't know what I'll say.don't know if I like him because I didn't feel him being genuine and honest with that flirt.. I don't know,not-so-positive karma or something like that.I don't actually know what I feel

I an tell you I do feel very scared because I am not sure if I am ready to see new people and that if I reject them I might miss some kind of interesting experiences... and I am afraid of being rejected or worse by the only guy I am not afraid of getting to know.
I want to be alone but still don't want to be alone.
I am very confused and nervous.
Thank you for your time

wayne0418 · Dec 29, 2007, 07:17 PM

You are smart!
You are beautiful!
You are loved!

My dauters are 6 and 3 but I will tell you what I would tell them.
You are young, smart, beautiful, and loved. It sounds like you need some time to find yourself. Don't even look at guys. Your hert and it takes time to deal with true fealing. How old are you.
Take some time for yourself. If mister perfect comes along while you are healing, hit him with your purse and run like hell. Take it from my persenal exp..
I thought if I had to indure 1 more lonely lovles night with out any one to talk to or lafe with or hold I would die. Well I didn't. Althou I made the choce of slepping with a woman that every one told me was garbeg. She reked my life and had a baby on top of it that she uses like an atm card. And I met her a church. Ha Ha God verry funny! Still a litel hurt. Don't let it happen to you. I know that a hug from a friend want replace the arms of a woman, sorry(man) but what. If I would have wated 6 more monse my now wife would have been mine with out the complikation. She was standing behind me in church and I had sead hy to her meny time but did not sea her over my own sorrow. A man that will love you the way you should be loved is out there. Just heal for a while and when the time is right he will be there. I promise!

in a state · Dec 29, 2007, 07:33 PM

I am going to be 21 in two weeks. I know myself pretty well at the end of this year when I discovered what I was capable of feeling for somebody and meeting a lot of new people and rediscovering old friends,including my parents.of course there are always new things to discover but I want to say that my personality does have a... shape :)
I feel partially healed.not like I do or think the things I did a month ago,but I believe I still need some time.just a little more time.
I DO get butterflies in my stomach when I think about my ex's friend,while when I think of the two guys that have shown me that they are interested in me,I don't know what I feel.
God works in mysterious ways,I guess that's the saying.
Thank you very much my friend.Take care of yourself and your family

talaniman · Dec 30, 2007, 11:03 AM

It always is a good idea to go slow, and be patient with yourself, and your feelings, as we can change as we learn more about ourselves. Learning and changing is a life long process. The greatest thing I have learned, is to forgive myself when I make a mistake, but keep the lessons learned close. Amazing how mistakes are better to learn from than our triumphs.

wayne0418 · Dec 31, 2007, 08:07 AM

Your hole life is before you. This is your chance to go for your dreams. Build now the srories you will tell your children when you are older. You never forget the ones you once loved.
As for the butter flies, I have never know them to be a good thing. I have had butterflies with most of my exes but not with my wife. I love her grately but no bug.
If the guys are friends they more than lickely are very similar, maybe in a breakup as well. It is completely exceptible to walk on a moon lit beach by yourself (make sure to have a dog or gun now of days) and injoy the time. Be happy my friend.

EuRa · Dec 31, 2007, 08:21 AM

You don't need to choose or make decisions about anything. You are single and flirting around... GOOD! Just take it slow, and only make decisions that you feel very good about making.

The 37 year old is a creep. What is he doing going after 20 year olds? He's looking for a trophy wife. You guys don't have enough in common. You've only been on your own for what... 2-3 years? He's been on his own and has 17 years MORE experience than you. He knows things you don't know and he won't tell you. He will try to trap you. I really really REALLY would avoid him. He knows how to sweet talk and charm his way into things by now. I wouldn't trust him for a second.

The other 2 guys are OK to date! The one who knows a lot about you probably has had a fascination about you for quite some time, but hasn't had the balls to say anything up until recently. That's probably why he hasn't called yet. He's nervous and afraid of rejection.

The other guy feels better to date and go out with, BECAUSE you both know each other really well. But I wouldn't recommend dating him because subconciously I think you are thinking that this could be a good way to get back at your ex a little, while also still being in his life a little.

A girl who dated my best friend, broke up after 2 years. The next week, she jumped on me when she met me, and became TOO friendly, wanted to get involved with me. I turned her down because I knew it was a mistake... despite how HOT she was, and all the other qualities she had. It would have been a bad situation.

That's my advice. Take it with a grain of salt, and good luck!

in a state · Dec 31, 2007, 09:02 AM

This is an accurate answer.thank you very much
The only thing you're wrong about is that I might,even on a subconcious level,try to get back at my ex.I actually am afraid of his friend or other people(including my ex for that matter) might think that.I don't want 'revenge',and even if I did,in my opinion this would be a cheap if not even sluttish way to take it.it's just not me,I wouldn't do that for this purpose
And I don't want to be in his(my ex's) life,it's disturbing me.
So really,I don't have an atraction for this guy for these reasons.I really really like him,because he makes me feel comfortable,but only judging from his body language.told you,I haven't talked to him about anything.
Well,I hope 2008 will be lighter,for all of us

Oh and I forgot to mention.while I was with my ex,I was browsing the websites such as myspace and saw this profile of a really cute guy.after some weeks I discovered that he was friends with my ex.so you see,it wasn't calculated :)i noticed him before all this

mafiaangel180 · Dec 31, 2007, 12:33 PM

I'm not sure at what point you did the self injury, but I would definitely hold off on dating at this time. I suggest working on your self-esteem, learn how to love yourself, enjoy loving the single you. Also, we have to let ourselves feel our emotions, yes even the crappy ones, and not hide from them behind some random, crappy guy. I hope everything works out for you.

kloie eyar 4eva ye · Dec 31, 2007, 11:28 PM

Be patiant bowt it but make yourself notasable and when e does act normall and if e still lyk you go 4 it if not e not da 1 f u you can du betta lv. And da self armin that not good av dun it ma self and regreted it evriitym it not worf your life chik trust me. Woteva you chuze evrii1 should respekt it it your life and you going to liv it ow you want yre? that what I learnt t do. Good luk babiii gurlll love yoO xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

in a state · Jan 1, 2008, 01:21 PM

:)
It wasn't self harming for him,it was for me.it wasn't actually harming,it was just freaking out and having a hysteria crisis.I was releasing my devils,but not to a boiling point.did not and will not mutilate myself or be suicidal for just being dumped,even if I were dumped by an icon of 'the perfect man'... my body is a temple.
I asked you not to judge that because I had it under control and because that wasn't the problem I needed advice for.so don't worry about that
I mentioned it because I was Crushed the night I wrote this post,I was very confused and overwhelmed by what has happened in my personal life throughout the last months.it was just another way of releasing my devils and for you to see that I had them just a month ago.To show you that I've been through a lot emotionally and to have the facts written down for my own therapy.to see I if I am able to answer my own questions,if I am ready or not to have faith in other guys.I want to go back there again.but I still don't know if I ready for that yet
That's exactly what I am,a baby girl.thanks everybody for taking care of me

mafiaangel180 · Jan 2, 2008, 05:05 AM

Originally Posted by in a state

:)
it wasn't self harming for him,it was for me.it wasn't actually harming,it was just freaking out and having a hysteria crisis.i was releasing my devils,but not to a boiling point.did not and will not mutilate myself or be suicidal for just being dumped,even if i were dumped by an icon of 'the perfect man'...my body is a temple.
i asked you not to judge that because i had it under control and because that wasn't the problem i needed advice for.so don't worry about that
i mentioned it because i was Crushed the night i wrote this post,i was very confused and overwhelmed by what has happened in my personal life throughout the last months.it was just another way of releasing my devils and for you to see that i had them just a month ago.To show you that i've been through a lot emotionally and to have the facts written down for my own therapy.to see i if i am able to answer my own questions,if i am ready or not to have faith in other guys.i want to go back there again.but i still don't know if i ready for that yet
that's exactly what i am,a baby girl.thanks everybody for taking care of me

I wasn't judging you, unfortunately I thought you could see that. Like you said, you've been through a lot emotionally. Hopefully you will be able to put the men aside for a while, and just enjoy being single. Anyway, good luck with everything. I wish you the best.

in a state · Jan 2, 2008, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

I wasn't judging you, unfortunately I thought you could see that.

No no,I wasn't being defensive!I was trying to explain ''judging that'' means ''don't worry about that''.didn't mean to sound bitter.I really do appreciate your words of advice.and you're right about it.I know you mean well. ><

in a state · Jan 30, 2008, 05:25 PM

I'm not talking to my ex,but whenever I see him he does things to get my attention(always making sure I know he's in the room-like talking loud)and he keeps looking at me.why is he doing that but never starts a conversation?

Frankly I don't care anymore.I've erased the original post,unfortunately can't delete it.so that was the issue,hope the answers you read here will help you if you are in the same situation.

George_1950 · Jan 30, 2008, 08:13 PM

Your relationship doesn't sound fun, beneficial, loving, rewarding, enjoyable, fulfilling, affectionate, caring, erotic, tender, devoted, amiable, generous, passionate, or friendly. Why would you pursue it?

TrueFaith · Jan 31, 2008, 04:15 AM

He is your X

its not easy. But you got to stop caring about him
if he tryes to get your attention don't give it to him
you don't need to say hello you don't need to talk

he sounds like he is trying to make you jelause or upset to get you back or to just to get back you

don't play his games

Regards

thegirlishurting · Jan 31, 2008, 05:23 AM

Ok, I read your previous post because I wasn't sure why you two broke up in the first place... this your talking about is the same one who smokes right?

Anyway, I just think you're wasting your time and I know people who cares about you like your friends say the same thing.

Its tough to move on after a breakup esp when you're the one who got dumped.

talaniman · Jan 31, 2008, 07:26 AM

Let the assumptions go, before you drive yourself crazy.

EuRa · Jan 31, 2008, 08:56 AM

Yeah Ive read all your previous questions as well, and have responded to at least one of them before.

He's playing games. He has an attitude problem. If you play along, you will get burned.

You need to stay single for a while. It sounds like to me that you are young, smart, attractive, and now single. GOOD! KEEP IT THAT WAY! This college semester will be over in 3 months and 1-2 weeks. You need time off. <-- That is based on your other questions. You've hardly had any time to yourself, and your constantly asking about other guys. What about YOU! Do you love yourself? Prove it! Do things for yourself that you would do for people you love in real life. Answers are easier in life when you really love yourself.

HistorianChick · Jan 31, 2008, 09:04 AM

I agree with EuRa... and Shakespeare...

"This above all: to thine own self be true,"
Hamlet

Take time for you. Get to know yourself. Develop a relationship with yourself so that you can discover a true, lasting, wonderful, mutually-beneficial relationship with someone else.

in a state · Jan 31, 2008, 10:19 AM

Thank you,again,for caring enough to answer,for caring enough to have read my other posts
But this is not about the relationship between'' me myself and I''.believe me.I can discover things about myself everyday,whether I'm single.I am aware and in touch with my own universe
If I'm asking about this it's because I'm confused and weak when it comes to him,and need a slap from time to time to wake up,look ahead.I now realize that's all that matters.I needed a push.just push me
If I'm asking about other guys it's because I feel I need answers.because I feel I can move on and 'taste the rest' but don't now how to do it... because I have so little experience with these kinds of things.
I don't need to prove to myself that I love myself
I need other people to prove that they love me.that's why I came here
Thanks again,I guess I'll be fine