[Chery]

Yes games are crap, but a part of life when you are young, for men and women. You'll wind up playing a game or two yourself, but play them with respect. Take it from an alcoholic who's dry for over 20 years, booze won't solve a darned thing, only make it worse. You still have a chance to stop before it takes total control over you. You have enough baggage to carry, don't need more.

[jeffatl]

Oh man, I didn't want to come off like I think drinking will solve ANYTHING. Sorry, I did not mean that at all. I am just going out with some old friends tonight to have a good time. Congratz on being sober so long, my dads mother was an alcoholic as well. I don't want to drink to forget because whenever I have tried that it DOES make things A lot worse. Thanks for the words of wisdom though. p.s. there will be a VERY cute girl there tonight that I know has a crush on me. I don't want to be a heart breaker and I am not ready for ANY kind of a relationship with ANYONE. Lol, I guess I just answered the question I was going to ask!

[Chery]

God for you, now go for it, carfully!

[clukkes]

jeffatl- Just to put my 2 cents in tonight, you know this girl is to going to be where you are at and you also know she has a crush on you, just don't go over board with the drinking. Sometimes when you are feeling down and you involve drinking it can make a rough night.. especially with a girl.

Did this make sense?

[jeffatl]

I figured it out! It took 24 years but it happened tonight! I went out with a bunch of friends (girls) and they told me... "yea your hot, but you are just too nice man, you can't be so nice to your EX and she will come running". I thought that this was all BS before tonight, but it is true! I faced a harsh reality tonight, but it was a good thing. Being nice it WAY too much work and it takes too much out of you. Im not saying that I want to be a jerk or treat women like crap, I just can't give in so much. When I think about it, when I started telling her how much I cared about her, everything went bad. The thing is, it is so much easier not to care (I hope) and the old saying "nice guys finish last" IS TRUE! I am so emotionally drained it will really be a relief not to care. That is why when I told her I was "giving up and I just can't do this anymore" she chased me down in my car! Yea, I still love her, but I can't let her do what she wants and break me down or she loses ALL respect for me. I always thought it was crap "girls want what they can't have" but now when I think about it, that is why you see so many girls with the WORST guys. Yes I am a bit on the drunk side, but I wanted to write this so I would remember tomorrow what I have learned tonight. This is SO high school and stupid, but it is just the way things work. Tonight is my promise to not let the EX walk all over me and let the things she does bother me. I am done with the whole "nice guy" thing, MAYBE when I get married I will go back, but the way things look, I would probably just get burned. LOL, I am a jerk now! I just hope I can keep it up.

[jeffatl]

jeffatl- Just to put my 2 cents in tonight, you know this girl is to going to be where you are at and you also know she has a crush on you, just don't go over board with the drinking. Sometimes when you are feeling down and you involve drinking it can make a rough night..especially with a girl.

Did this make sense?

For sure, but I didn't want to hook up with her. I am just not interested in having anything to do with women right now. There was a different girl that was haning all over me tonight but I just don't like that. I like the chase too, so when girls act "easy" I tend to back off. A little side note: I have only "been" with 2 girls in my life, I don't think I could ever just use women for sex, just not my bag. Too "nice" I guess... BAH!!

[clukkes]

I am very proud of you. Keep that attitude. And things will come together.

I am 25 and I have been through a lot... it's tough but it gets better.

[Chery]

Jeff, congrats, you are one of the growing type and we are proud of you. Keep us posted and lots of luck.


Have a good weekend!

[Wildcat21]

This gal sounds like real bad news anyway.

She cheated on you TWICE?? You should have gotten rid of her the first time OK??

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's horrible.

This gal NEVER respected you. You never trusted her. With out trust and respect you have nothing. Nada. No reason to even communicate.

She walked all over you. You were a door mat. I am sure a 'nice guy'.

PLUS she is at the stage wher she wants to be a 'bad girl' - you don't want this.

Woma ncan smell insecurity a mile away. They well tear your heart out... they well treat you poorly. Woman want a man who is secure in himself.

[Wildcat21]

You took WAY too much of this gals CRAP... again she walked all over her. LEARN the word NO... Learn the words: "You;re out of line" OR "that's wrong"... Learn the words: "Ok, Bye" if she is out of line.

LEARN that woman are PART of your life, NOT your life.

Learn about nice guys and WHY she wal;ked all over you:

1. STOP being so nice toi her and letting her get her way all the time. Woman NEVER base the fact the like you because you are SO NICE to them and will to do ANYthing for them. Ever. You need to say NO! A lot.

2. NEVER try to convince a woman to like you. Especially going forward.

3. STOP being insecure. LEARN woman's tests. They will test you all day long if you're insecure. All those questions - anser them with questions - OR more importantly make fun of them always - "Do you want have kids" Yuou - "yes! I want kids! I want 10 kids! Lets start right now and the ngrab her and tickle her."

You're insecure because you fail all her tests. It's all those questions you gave serious answers to.

4. I bet you looked to her for approval on everything you did. You ned to ALWAYS be your own man and make your OWN decisions. Do what you want. If she doesn't like it - tough! All the better.

5. Don't always buy everything. Some guys try buy her affection - never works unless she is gold digger. Make her buy drinks. And don't always do dinner - especially the first couple dates.

6. Always sharing how you feel. Big mistake - it's HUGE turnoff for woman. The ywant mystery. You mention those 3 little words to early and you're done. Don't ever say how you feel - SHOW IT!! Do little things.

7. Learn about attraction - woman want to FEEL!! It's how yopu make them feel. Learn to make fun of them - tease them - bust on them when they do something wrong in a playful way. Treat as one of your buddies 80% of the time - it keeps the pressure off her.

8. Learn to be the FUN guy - no pressure on her. You're the guy she has fun with. No DUMB relationship questions - that's her job and you answer in a funny way - if she can't figure out you like by the way you act then that's her problem. No DUMB questions. You're the guy who makes her laugh.

9. SEE - in this last relationship you gave away ALL YOUR POWER to her. Sher can do what ever she wants and it's OK by you. Cheat on you?? No problem - she knows you'll come back like a sick puppy. I bet she behaved BADLY a lot and she some how manipulated you into thinking it's your fault. You're the man - walk away if she bahaves badly - say "ok -bye" and don't call.

10. Quit calling woman all the time. I bet you called this woman 5 times aday to check up on her. She should call you. Few e-mails to woman. No text messages.

You keep checking up on her and she hates it. You become annoying. Yo uARE insecure.

Early on call her twice a week. One e-mail at most.

11. Learn about woman's test. It's all those questions she asks. Never answer them directly (I know the gals will hate this - but I AM right here). You answer these suckers and you lose.

12. That which is chased runs. People WANT what they can't have!! - this gal had you and took you for granted big time - no respect for you.



This just the tip of the ice berg

[jeffatl]

I just hope its not too late to get my dignity back. She said she wants to talk when she gets back from her trip, but now I don't even really care what she has to say. I really feel the need so "save face" now, I am not a wuss this was just a big shock for me. Screw it, I really don't even care what happens now...

[jeffatl]

Any ideas on how I might accomplish this?

[Chery]

You know , I was under the impression that you were starting to grow up. But when you mention things like 'saving face', and having to get drunk to be strong, and really not giving a darn about her, etc, is giving me serious doubts. If that's all you are concerned about, do what any other 'macho' will do. You don't have to be 'mister nice guy', just be yourself and tell her to bug off. She's taking up too much of your valuable time and will only hurt you again, because you are letting her do so. Are you into pain? If not, strop drinking, and instead of seeking confirmation from other's seek that confirmation from yourself, as you yourself don't think much of yourself right now. This is where you have to start and nobody can help you except you in that area. Good Luck in 'finding the real you' instead of the 'you that's expected' by others. Not all girls will treat you like this, but it seems like your looking for them and finding them. It's hard to take that 'sign' on your back off once you have worn it for so long, but try your darndest and good luck.

[jeffatl]

I don't recall ever saying that I "got drunk to be strong" I just went out last night with some friends. And the whole "saving face" thing is just because I am sick of being a baby about all of this. I know I can't let her push me around anymore and that is what I meant by "saving face". It does seem like I have a knack for finding "bad girls" and Im not sure why, maybe it is because I am too much of a push over and they like the control for a while. I learned a lot about myself after all of this, and I will NEVER let anyone do this to me again. I do need to make me happy, and I don't need anyone to make me feel happy. Calm down a bit there, and don't put words in my mouth please. Im young and I like to go out and party a little bit, nothing wrong with that. Its not like I got out to a bar by myself and "drink my problems away". I had a fun time last night, not because I got drunk, but because I fealt comfoitable in a social environment again for the 1st time since all this crap happened. I had a lot of axiety for some reason over this, and I think I let it control me way more than it should have. Proud of me or not, I feel like I made a big step for ME today. So I am pround of ME, and I just want to keep this high by letting her know I am not the weak person she thinks I am, NOT for her, but for me.

[Chery]

Good for you. Find a happy in-between and don't be bitter with others just because you got burned by one, OK? The 'drinking' part I meant when you 'had to have a few' to write one of the previous posts to this, not when you went out - that was a good thing to do instead of staying home.. TTFN, Chery

[jeffatl]

I got you, I guess I am just going through that bitter phase right now, where all women are evil. I just need to take my power back from this girl, and let her know that I will not put up with her crap anymore. When she comes back and if she wants to talk I will, but I am going to put my foot down with all this game stuff and tell her she can just go find another door mat. :)

[momincali]

Hey Jeff, I'm glad to hear you had a good time last night with your buddies and I hope you didn't make any drunk phone calls, lol :p I'm even happier to hear that you're not being a chump for this gal anymore. From the sounds of it, she's toast, and she earned it. There is nothing wrong, however, with being a nice guy, just don't be a dumb bunny. Don't let women like this run you through their own personal mud. Nice is great, with the right woman, and she apparently, at least at this time of her life is not the right woman. Go forth and conquer my man, but conquer only things that will improve your life, like your education. Surround yourself with people that will enrich your life, not make you feel sorry you crawled out of bed. There is a book you might want to check out called "Ten Stupid things men do to mess up their lives". I gave it to my brother and swore to him that he was going to have a test on it at the end of the week and if he didn't pass (meaning he didn't read it) I would never bake him his favorite peanut butter cookies again, it worked for both him and I. You might even consider not waiting for little ms. ex to call and beat her to the punch, let her know you have to talk to her and when you do, let her know this isn't working for you anymore and right now, you don't really feel the need to remain friends either, a clean split would be best. This will be quite a blow for her ego, but hey, wasn't she the one to throw the first punch? Good luck and keep in touch! ;)

[Chery]

I got ya, I guess I am just going through that bitter phase right now, where all women are evil. I just need to take my power back from this girl, and let her know that I will not put up with her crap anymore. When she comes back and if she wants to talk I will, but I am going to put my foot down with all this game stuff and tell her she can just go find another door mat. :)

I think I mentioned this before about not being a doormat. What the heck took you so long? Like I said, you're young, you'll heal and get over it, so I'm glad it finally sunk in. Good Luck.

[Chery]

Hey Jeff, I'm glad to hear you had a good time last night with your buddies and I hope you didn't make any drunk phone calls, lol :p I'm even happier to hear that you're not being a chump for this gal anymore. From the sounds of it, she's toast, and she earned it. There is nothing wrong, however, with being a nice guy, just don't be a dumb bunny. Don't let women like this run you through their own personal mud. Nice is great, with the right woman, and she apparently, at least at this time of her life is not the right woman. Go forth and conquer my man, but conquer only things that will improve your life, like your education. Surround yourself with people that will enrich your life, not make you feel sorry you crawled out of bed. There is a book you might wanna check out called "Ten Stupid things men do to mess up their lives". I gave it to my brother and swore to him that he was gonna have a test on it at the end of the week and if he didn't pass (meaning he didn't read it) I would never bake him his favorite peanut butter cookies again, it worked for both him and I. You might even consider not waiting for little ms. ex to call and beat her to the punch, let her know you have to talk to her and when you do, let her know this isn't working for you anymore and right now, you don't really feel the need to remain friends either, a clean split would be best. This will be quite a blow for her ego, but hey, wasn't she the one to throw the first punch? Good luck and keep in touch! ;)

Another ATTAGIRL, cause this forum would not let me rate you again. I wish the book were in PDF format for me to download somewhere... Have a wonderful weekend!

[jeffatl]

Got you. I think the thing is, I was really mad at love this weekend, I thought that I let love make me weak and a big baby but it didn't. I made ME weak, not love, and not her. I let this situation control me and my life for 2 months and I am NOT going to do it anymore. If she thinks going off to a new school, meeting new people, and dating new people will make her happy, that's fine. I have figured out that you can't go out and find happiness, when you do and happiness doesn't come you have to copmromise what really makes you happy in life and that happiness is just empty. Happiness has to find you, and when it does you don't have to compromise anything because it just makes you happy. She may feel like she doesn't know who she is, but I do, and I know that this isn't her. The thing is, I have to get back to me, the person I know I am and like to be. I really wish her the best and all, I hope she really finds herself and what makes her truly happy in life, and if that isn't me, that's OK, if it is, then maybe we can work something out LATER in life. She knows how I feel about her, and if she wants to tell herself that I wasn't a good boyfriend and she wasn't happy with me, thanks OK too because I know she was.There are things you can't change in life, and I can't change the way she is acting right now. Nobody can tell her what makes her happy in life, that is something that she has to figure out for herself. Things will work out one way or the other, I am just done beating myself over things I can't change. Life is calling, and Im moving on. :cool: