[nymphetamine]

Yes you guys are really cool. :D

[CaptainForest]

You guys made me laugh. To Talaniman and all the men here, I think you did an equally good job on this thread as the ladies. I would like to send special thanks to Talaniman, Captain Forest, NeedKarma, Jesushelper and Fr Chuck for providing their opinions. ;)

Your quite welcome :)

Although I think there is another underlying meaning in your words, but I just don't seem to be getting it right now.

[alia2]

I don't know what to do with so much compliements
Like dog, evil,.
Does any 'human with mistakes' convert to animals and evil?
Don't you, my friends who are telling me about
My mistakes (and I appreciate it), make mistakes yourselves?
Is everything in your life absolutely good?

I believe that I might have mistakes in my life,
Since only a mistake can make me so much depressed,
And actually I am waking-up at 4am every night,
Thinking about past, now and future, about myself,
About my wife who is deeply asleep with no stress, etc.
But everybody learns from his/her mistakes. I am still not
Sure about what to do in future, just trying to improve
Things for myself, my family and my job.

Anyway, I think my personal problem is not worth to
Talk about it anymore. But this topic is changed
Its way from a personal problem to the 'dialog between cultures'!

Lets review a few less-known facts about
My country and then about some type of logic
And my PhD, as you asked about this later one.

I am Iranian, the country with more than 2500
Years of heritage, and many scientists like
Avecina (the father of medicine) and Alkharazmi
(the word 'algorithm' is named after him)...

I am studying PhD in Computer Engineering
And Artificial Intelligence.

This area as you know is concerned with
Modeling human's brain, decision making system, and so on.

An intersting sub-area in this field, is fuzzy logic.
The father of fuzzy logic is an Iraian : Prof. (Emeritus)
Lotfi Zadeh from the Berkeley University.(www.cs.berkeley.edu/~zadeh/)

Fuzzy logic, in a few words, tells that every fact in
The world around us is not black/white, is not true/false.
But the world is grey-scale. We can have 'partial' truth.

As you might know, when fuzzy logic was introduced in 1970's,
The US scientific society rejected it, but Japan started
To apply it in industry, and it is now widely used all around
The world.

Fuzzy logic is used in many applications, from smooth-zooming
In digital cameras and auto-control in refrigrators to
Internet search engines like Google to railway control
Systems, etc.

Lets see the world not as absolute facts, but as fuzzy facts.

Most of you are telling me that I have done 'absolutely
Bad'! Also you think that I am insisting on that
I have been 'absloutely good'.
But none is correct. Based on fuzzy logic, I can tell
That I have been, say, 'somewhat wrong'. Or I can
Tell, for example, I will perform 'somewhat good' in near
Future and 'very good' in the next 3 years...

Any ideas?

[NeedKarma]

Any ideas?

Yes, should should not have gotten married or have kids. You are not ready for that. No one cares about the details of your country or culture, they do not affect what you do.

[Chery]

Is everything in your life absolutely good? NO, but I don't blame it on others actions in the past.

I believe that I might have mistakes in my life, You Believe???
since only a mistake can make me so much depressed, and actually I am waking-up at 4am every night, thinking about past, now and future, about myself, I would not be able to sleep well either in your case and am surprised you even feel safe in getting a little sleep...
about my wife who is deeply asleep with no stress, etc. She has learned to live and be consoled with what you put on her plate, and deserves to have no stress whatsoever, which is more than you deserve.
but everybody learns from his/her mistakes. You have not learned, otherwise you would not be making excuses and looking for a substitute. I am still not sure about what to do in future, just trying to improve things for myself, my family and my job. Unless you ask your wife for forgiveness, you'll not be able to improve, you'll be eaten up from within, so have some good life-insurance. Any man with as much stress as you never lives long, no matter what country or culture. Also, make sure you have a good doctor available.

Anyway, I think my personal problem is not worth to talk about it anymore. But this topic is changed its way from a personal problem to the 'dialog between cultures'! Having lived in Japan, Greece, Turkey, USA, Germany and Italy - I have no culture problems at all and I am mainly talking about your personal problems.

Lets review a few less-known facts about my country and then about some type of logic and my PhD, as you asked about this later one.

I am Iranian, the country with more than 2500 years of heritage, and many scientists like Avecina (the father of medicine) and Alkharazmi
(the word 'algorithm' is named after him) ...

I am studying PhD in Computer Engineering and Artificial Intelligence.
AI's don't have feelings, so you'll feel right at home working with this.
This area as you know is concerned with modeling human's brain, decision making system, and so on. I'm certain adultry is not on their agenda, neither is lying and cheating.

Fuzzy logic, in a few words, tells that every fact in the world around us is not black/white, is not true/false. But the world is grey-scale. We can have 'partial' truth. Most partial truth is to protect, not to blatantly hurt another human with total disregard of how they feel!

As you might know, when fuzzy logic was introduced in 1970's,
the US scientific society rejected it, but Japan started to apply it in industry, and it is now widely used all around the world. What has this got to do with your wife and children???

Lets see the world not as absolute facts, but as fuzzy facts. In other words, mold it the way you like it?

Most of you are telling me that I have done 'absolutely bad'! Also you think that I am insisting on that I have been 'absloutely good'.
But none is correct. Based on fuzzy logic, I can tell that I have been, say, 'somewhat wrong'. Or I can tell, for example, I will perform 'somewhat good' in near future and 'very good' in the next 3 years ...
We are talking about selfish emotions here, not achievements - even murderers were once good little children and a joy to their families, until something inside snapped and they then made the wrong choices.
Any ideas?

My ideas/comments are in red by the appropriate statements from you. Yes, there are shades of gray, but I don't think your family is color-blind, do you? The vast colors of the world are not there for just your advantage.

[Chery]

Yes, should should not have gotten married or have kids. You are not ready for that. No one cares about the details of your country or culture, they do not affect what you do.

Not a truer phrase issued in the longest time! Proud to know there are men like you still around.

[dimples]

I don't know what to do with so much compliements
like dog, evil, ...
Does any 'human with mistakes' convert to animals and evil?
Don't you, my friends who are telling me about
my mistakes (and I appreciate it), make mistakes yourselves?
Is everything in your life absolutely good?

I believe that I might have mistakes in my life,
since only a mistake can make me so much depressed,
and actually I am waking-up at 4am every night,
thinking about past, now and future, about myself,
about my wife who is deeply asleep with no stress, etc.
but everybody learns from his/her mistakes. I am still not
sure about what to do in future, just trying to improve
things for myself, my family and my job.

Anyway, I think my personal problem is not worth to
talk about it anymore. But this topic is changed
its way from a personal problem to the 'dialog between cultures'!

Lets review a few less-known facts about
my country and then about some type of logic
and my PhD, as you asked about this later one.

I am Iranian, the country with more than 2500
years of heritage, and many scientists like
Avecina (the father of medicine) and Alkharazmi
(the word 'algorithm' is named after him) ...

I am studying PhD in Computer Engineering
and Artificial Intelligence.

This area as you know is concerned with
modeling human's brain, decision making system, and so on.

An intersting sub-area in this field, is fuzzy logic.
The father of fuzzy logic is an Iraian : Prof. (Emeritus)
Lotfi Zadeh from the Berkeley University.(www.cs.berkeley.edu/~zadeh/)

Fuzzy logic, in a few words, tells that every fact in
the world around us is not black/white, is not true/false.
But the world is grey-scale. We can have 'partial' truth.

As you might know, when fuzzy logic was introduced in 1970's,
the US scientific society rejected it, but Japan started
to apply it in industry, and it is now widely used all around
the world.

Fuzzy logic is used in many applications, from smooth-zooming
in digital cameras and auto-control in refrigrators to
Internet search engines like Google to railway control
systems, etc.

Lets see the world not as absolute facts, but as fuzzy facts.

Most of you are telling me that I have done 'absolutely
bad'! Also you think that I am insisting on that
I have been 'absloutely good'.
But none is correct. Based on fuzzy logic, I can tell
that I have been, say, 'somewhat wrong'. Or I can
tell, for example, I will perform 'somewhat good' in near
future and 'very good' in the next 3 years ...

Any ideas?

This is not a history class. We do not care about your "fuzzy facts". We still think that a jerk like you gave men a bad name. No matter what your culture is, I think women should be treated with outmost respect & FIDELITY ranks high in the list. I would imagine how disappointed your mother would be for raising someone like you who has been unfaithful to his wife & yet would still find reasons to rationalize his behavior.

[nymphetamine]

Ive made some mistakes in my life like getting married to a loser and stubbing my pinky toe on the coffee table. I sure would never have an affair on my spouse and then expect people to happily tell me how to continue with this affair in disregard to my spouse and children. I would never dream of hurting anyone that way.

[alia2]

It is clear that I have still not became stable (after 3 years of
'unfaithful' love) but I am trying this:
1) My office is now consisted of only me and 3 girls. The old GF and 2 other's.
My 'good looking' secretary who had worked for us in a trial period
Leaved us today and I did not insist her for remaining with us, I need
No secretary now!
I have never touched the other 2 and also my relationship with GF is being
Limited more and more everyday. She is talking with and getting more close
To her man of the future, and I am trying to help her when she asks on what
And how to talk with him. Her shoulder is still the only place that I can cry,
And I know it won't last too long, since her feelings for that man will
Completely fill her heart and there would be no place for me!

2) The best substitute (and more than just substitute) may be my wife.
Although I can never tell her what happened in the past,
But I can prevent repeating it. Is it enough? Or I should tell her
Everything?

[Chery]

It is clear that I have still not became stable (after 3 years of
'unfaithful' love) but I am trying this:
1) My office is now consisted of only me and 3 girls. The old GF and 2 other's.
My 'good looking' secretary who had worked for us in a trial period
leaved us today and I did not insist her for remaining with us, I need
no secratary now!
I have never touched the other 2 and also my relationship with GF is being
more limited everyday. She is talking with and getting more close to her
man of the future, and I am trying to help her when she asks on what
and how to talk with him. Her shoulder is still the only place that I can cry,
and I know it won't last too long, since her feelings for that man will
completely fill her heart and there would be no place for me!

2) The best substitute (and more than just substitute) may be my wife.
Although I can never tell her what happened in the past,
but I can prevent repeating it. Is it enough? Or I should tell her
everything?

It sounds so much as if you are asking us for permission to deal with your own life. Well then, OK, - do not, I repeat do not give your G/F advice on how to handle her life, because you both did wrong and it would not be appropriate. What you tell your wife is up to you, but believe me, she already knows. Maybe you can start by paying more attention to her and also compliment her with gifts you know she would like (if you even bothered to pay attention to her tastes these past years) then finish eventually by asking her to forgive you. No matter what culture, a man must earn or regain the respect of the woman at his side - there is no other way around it. Again, this is only my opinion, and it is your choice to make, as you are the one who will have to live with the consequences. If one of your children is a son, what would you suggest he do as a man in your shoes? How would you want him to see his father?

[nymphetamine]

Ah! Everyone will have different opinions on this. My husband slept with this fugly chick who lived in our apartment complex. I found this out cause one night he was holding me in his arms and he just blurts all this out. I remember begging him to tell me he was joking. I wished he had not told me because after that things were never the same. I grew to hate him and I still do. But the funny thing about it all is I knew. I knew he had slept with her before he even told me. You see us women have this sort of thing that happens when we love someone very much. You can feel when some one you love is hurting you or something bad happens to them. I felt my heart breaking inside and then when I got home that night he told me. Maybe the best thing to do is not say anything and just be good to your wife and child and give them lots of attention. She probably already knows about the affair being your wife who loves you and all.

[Chery]

Ah! Everyone will have different opinions on this. My husband slept with this fugly chick who lived in our apartment complex. I found this out cause one night he was holding me in his arms and he just blurts all this out. I remember begging him to tell me he was joking. I wished he had not told me because after that things were never the same. I grew to hate him and I still do. But the funny thing about it all is I knew. I knew he had slept with her before he even told me. You see us women have this sort of thing that happens when we love someone very much. You can feel when some one you love is hurting you or something bad happens to them. I felt my heart breaking inside and then when i got home that night he told me. Maybe the best thing to do is not say anything and just be good to your wife and child and give them lots of attention. She probably already knows about the affair being your wife who loves you and all.

You are right, she does already know, so he's in deep stuff no matter what. I'm glad I don't have to live with his guilt.

[talaniman]

A history lesson is not necessary as from the comments you've gotten this is a moral ussue, culture has nothing to do with it,nor does your job or brains.The only thing you are being called to task for are your actions concerning your wife and family,which you admit are less than honorable.At least you have admitted your mistake and are willing to change.But know this, saying one thing and not doing it are the same as being the dog that you were.Only your sincere action can bring about the change you seek,anything else is just lip-sevice.:cool:

[momincali]

Alia2- You keep stating that you made a "mistake"... Sir, a mistake is when you put on a black sock and a dark blue sock. What you made was a poor choice, not a mistake. If you had at one point in your life had a weak moment and were unfaithful to your wife, regretted it deeply and promised yourself never to commit such an act again, that would be called an event. You cheated on your wife and your family on a daily basis. That is not an event, that is a pattern, a pattern which clearly demonstrates you have very little character.
God doesn't ask us to be perfect, he asks us to be moral, honest, loyal, ethical and true! Your life is a lie and for you to think that getting another girlfriend to help you forget the first is just another show of your lack of character because all you can think about is yourself and how sad and lonely you will be. In any culture, to purposely hurt and deceive someone else is WRONG!

[alia2]

momincali, as I told before, I'm no longer seeking another girlfriend.
Also, I am not making execuses, just talking about the subject.

When thinking about the past, I tried to figure out the origins
Of that 'pattern' in my life.
I had no relationship before marriage, although some of my friends had,
But I felt that I should keep all my feelings for my future wife...
Even in the first 5 years of marriage, I did not touch a girl other
Than my wife.
During the last 4 years, I had some sources of information and learning
Which (more or less) affected my life style:

1) Some of my friends and even my neighbour who are married and have
Lots of GF's and spend lots of time with them! I never admitted them,
And it is normal for them to leave the wife even at 23:00 for 'work'!
The ONLY night during the last 3 years that I left my wife between
22:00 - 24:00 was when my (male!) friend who lives outside the
Country, had a visit here , and we took him to dinner. I felt that night
I should be @home now, and that was not a happy event for me.

2) A US-based e-newsletter named 'Don Diebel-how to succeed with women'
(www.getgirls.com) which I subscribe to, and it encourages both
Single and married men to seduce single women as much as they can
For love and sex!
It covers many topics like how to go to clubs, etc.
(We have no clubs/dances in our country but I have heard that
Some 'hidden' clubs exist!)
How that is treated there? Is it normal for a married man to go to club,
Make sex (no love!) and return home?
And in general, I would like to know what type of men read this
Type of newsletters?

3) www.askmen.com, who also encourages married man and tells them
How attractive they are for girls since they have experience,
Again I would like to know who are the readers of these sites.

4) Another US-based site, which I visited 2-3 years ago,
www.wifelovers.com that encourages couples to have
Affairs with each other's spouses even in front of them (NO cheating).
I did not like the idea. I introduced this site to my wife
And she also hated what they do!
How do you think about that?

[talaniman]

My friend my sympathies for your inexperience.It does not excuse your actions though it does explain much of the infuences of your life.Still to try and justify your actions will blind you to the fact that it was you who where unfaithfull and to solve this problem you must recognize the part you played and take responsibility for your own action.We are all subject to temptation and many influences of the internet and magazines but ultimately we must make up our own minds as to what we do and don't do!To follow others down the wrong path is not the right answer to your problem,see it for what it is ,an excuse for bad behavior.Just because many men cheat and visit certain websites and go to singles clubs does not make it right.If they jumped off a cliff would you follow?When you meet your maker do you think your cheating buddies will stand next to you and tell God it was okay to cheat because they did?I beg you to see that you have given nothing but excuses for something I'm sure you knew was the wrong thing to do!Not to judge you but to help you see that only by asking for God's forgiveness and be willing to take responsibility for your actions can you move forward and put these bad actions behind you!:cool: :eek:

[NeedKarma]

I'm now convinced this is a troll. Let's just stop answering.

[nymphetamine]

What is troll?? Your freaking me out here!

[talaniman]

Patience ladies, we don't have anything else to do but try to help this misguided troll-er soul:cool:

[NeedKarma]

What is troll???? your freaking me out here!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll

"In Internet terminology, a troll is a person who posts inflammatory messages on the internet, such as on online discussion forums, to disrupt discussion or to upset its participants."