[alia2]

Thank you for your replies, I really learned new things from some of them.

And some more things related to the replies above :

1) It is true that the 'culture' here is somewhat different from Western
but here, when someone is relaxed and open with his/her colleague or
family member of opposite sex , they say "they are treating like
Europeans (or Americans) !".
We actually know little from each other's culture, and I think
that we know even little about ourselves and what the culture
really is consisted of.
Once I read a report on 'outside marriage relationships' in the US,
and I remember some statistics :
- Near %20 of 'married men' had relationship with 1-3 girls
(not including prostitutes) outside their marriage, and near %5 of men
had this with 4-6 girls!
- Also near %15 and 4% of 'married women' with 1-3 or 4-6 other men
respectively.
(The report was published almost 20 years ago and it may be different now).

2) I do not agree with having 50 girlfriend as or even having 2 wives
as you said! It is also legally forbidden here to have a 2nd wife without
the permission of first wife. And even if the wife permits, such a man is
rejected by the public society and even by his relatives.

3) I did not select this girl for relationship because of being nice
(if we could 'rate' people's faces, she would get 12, my wife=15,
my sister-in-law=18 of 20!) But I pleased supporting her, finding job
for her, learning new things, talking about our problems with each
other and many other things. Sex for me is only good on top of
these non-sexual pleasures.

4) Like most of you, I do NOT believe that having sex with someone's
wife is good thing, it was just a question for me that after her marriage,
when we are alone at our company, can we resist on laying down with
each other? Or we will recall our past relation and...

And finally, it is intersting for me to know that what do you married
men do there, when you want it, and she is not ready (being busy,
being in menstural cycle, or... )? Do you ALWAYS dump your need?
Or you think it is not so important?
And what you will do when you are spending lots of time with
a girl (or married woman) alone at your work? Do you pay attention
only to the work itself all the time?

[nymphetamine]

Once I worked on a night shift as a nurses assistant. The man who owned the home I worked in lived up stairs with his new wife. Sometimes I ran into him while cleaning or taking care of things. I mentioned to a co-worker that I thought our boss was hot so lo and behold my friend goes a blabs it to the boss. He told my co worker that he wanted me and I could have him anytime I wanted him. I never went after him because he was married and he never made a move for me. Eventually he let me go from the job because his wife found out from someone else that there was an attraction between us and it upset her. I can't say I blame him for protecting her. Men here are always having affairs with secretarys and nannys, and house maids and even co workers and women do such things too. But it is not all men and women that do so. I have a high level of self control when it comes to the opposite sex Men Im not too sure about, but then I knew a male friend who went without for 5 years. Im wrking on 3 years. Go team.

[talaniman]

You are correct sir our cultures are different.I meet mt wife at a neighborhood party more than 35 years ago and we dated in the early 70's and married and had 2 kids.There have been many attractions ,flirtations over the years by me but to be honest I've never had time to pursue anything but friendship with any women.Yes you are correct in citing the stats on cheating,which is a moral thang not cultural,many do it so what does that have to do with me.My woman is my best friend and even during the worst of times I would never do anything to hurt her.We get mad and argue as she is very independent minded and has put up with my dumbest stuff .She has my full respect and love.I also believe in a God of my understanding and follow his guidance as this is the basis of my manhood.A man must lead by example and not indulging in his own selfish fantasies and desires.This not cultural,but moral.

[NeedKarma]

And finally, it is intersting for me to know that what do you married
men do there, when you want it, and she is not ready (being busy,
being in menstural cycle, or ....)? Do you ALWAYS dump your need?

It's called deffered gratification. We are not animals, we do not have to act on every impulse immediately. Would your wife be allowed to have sex with other men when the mood strikes her and you are not around?

And what you will do when you are spending lots of time with
a girl (or married woman) alone at your work? Do you pay attention
only to the work itself all the time?

Actually yes! I have friends and co-workers who are men as well as having friends and co-workers who are women. In fact most of my co-workers are women. Once again, I am not an animal who needs to act on every impulse I have. I may think that a woman is very attractive but I don't need to attempt to have sex with her.

[s_cianci]

Isnt that why the middle east hates America and the western world? because they dont like American (western world) values?

Yes, but who is it that needs to learn tolerance here? Maybe the Middle East doesn't like Western values and that's their perrogative, but that doesn't give them the right to terrorize us.

[CaptainForest]

Yes, but who is it that needs to learn tolerance here? Maybe the Middle East doesn't like Western values and that's their perrogative, but that doesn't give them the right to terrorize us.

I agree. That does NOT give them the right to terrorize us.

All I was saying is that both sides need to start learning and respecting the other side.

I never meant to imply that I approve of them terrorizing other countries.

[nymphetamine]

Um I hate to tell you but its not just them and its not all of them. Ive seen just as bad over here. Innocent people from that culture can't walk down the street with out someone screaming terrorist at them because of something a few people did. They lost family just as well as we did in those attacks. Well now I'm confused about this girlfriend /wife thing. So Ill let you guys handle this one.

[talaniman]

I hope this helps!:cool: You asked- And finally, it is intersting for me to know that what do you married
Men do there, when you want it, and she is not ready (being busy,
Being in menstural cycle, or... )? Do you ALWAYS dump your need?
Or you think it is not so important?
I go about my own business until she is ready,I am not an animal,I am not a spoiled A**s brat, I am not a dog!Sex is only a part of our relationship and I am not preoccupied with it to the exclusion of everything else.:cool:

[talaniman]

And you ask-And what you will do when you are spending lots of time with
A girl (or married woman) alone at your work? Do you pay attention
Only to the work itself all the time?
Personally I treat her as a human being as I would want to be treated with dignity and respect and as a colleague.We are there to work aren't we?As a mature male I control my impulses,my impulses do not control me.And even though she acts friendly I don't take it as a come on,that's dog thinking!:cool: When you control your own selfishness you just might view the world with a different attitude!Sorry got to go,my woman is ready for her foot massage!:cool:

[PrettyLady]

Alia2, I have no pity for you what so ever, however, your family has my deepest sympathy. You are a married man with 2 kids, and you have the audacity to come here to ask for advice on how to keep committing infidelity with another woman. I don't care what country you are from, you're very selfish, you did not once think about your wife and kids in your first message. Only when everyone questioned your act, you started making excuses as to why your cheating on your wife. You care more about their own comfort and sexual needs, instead of your family. Stop being single minded and think about your wife and kids and the emotional distress it's going to cause them. You can deal with your problem the mature way by facing your wife and talking about your issues. Try communicating with your wife, and hopefully you will both come up with a solution to your problem.

[alia2]

I am currently spending more time with my family (in addition
To working and studying PhD).

Also I told my GF that my greatest pleasure with her has been
In 'filling her loneliness times' , although not all of it,
And I wish I continue filling it, for example in talking with me
About a good husband charactersitics (every man NOT similar to myself
Would be a good person ;) ) and even talking about every
Other (small) thing that could not be shared with her future man
(if such things exist).
She has never tried to pull me away from my wife,
But learned me about how to be more useful to them,
And this is one of the reasons I love her so much.

Special thanks to momincali, crankiebabie, PrettynPetite1.

[dimples]

There are people of the opposite sex not necessaily the ones we are married to who we feel we strongly connect to. They are our soulmate. I guess this girlfriend of yours is your soulmate. Maybe you can continue caring for her & confiding in her yet break the affair. This would be extremely difficult but once you have established the limits of your relationship, this is doable. Talk to her about the future, where your relationship is going, etc. By breaking this sooner, less people will be involved & hurt. So do your family a favor. Get out of this now. I know culture has a lot to do with this. But monogamy does not apply to the woman only. It should go both ways. Do you want your wife to do the same? I have come across lots of women who caught their husbands cheating on them. I tell you, it is very pitiful. Most go through depression & they tend to ask themselves what they lack. There is a terrible loss of self esttem on their part. Its tragic. Are you willing to risk this? Affairs not only affect wives but children as well. Especially girls. They tend to view relationships negatively as they grow older. So your choice here would be HER or your FAMILY. Take your pick.

[PrettyLady]

Alia2, you're a piece of work. Your thanking me for telling it like it is. Hopefully, you will take our advice and do the right thing.

[talaniman]

Sir since you thanked all the ladies what about the men who jumped in your a#$%^&s with our opinons?All of a sudden you are some kind of knight in shining armour!you have suddenly seen the light!every thing is going so well!You and your lady are just groovin'Right!I wish I could be like you and solve all my problems before the month is up!:cool: :confused: :confused: :eek:

[alia2]

talaniman,

I did not mind they were men or women, just appreciated their
Approaches (and not necessarily accepting all of their opinions).

I am currently trying to solve my problem, yet I haven't been
Very successful.
I have concluded that if my GF/co-worker marries, I won't have
Enough energy (even with full attention to my family) to forget her,
While working with her.
If I could have a new GF, it would be easier to forget... but I
Think nobody is like her. She is really my soulmate.

I still need help and new ideas, especillay from men/women who understand
The situation and not use the word 'dog' repeatedly !
When working at my previous job, there were about 40 men and
30 women there, and near half of the women were my closest
Friends, we talked together for long times, and if I was a dog
I would have eaten them !
I understand the 'self control' and simliar words, but you will need
A lot of energy to control yourself in every situation. Even God has not
Asked us to control ourselves everywhere, all the time!
What do you think?

[NeedKarma]

Perhaps there is a discussion board on the internet for your culture/religion. They would be more understanding I would hope. Personally I cannot understand your lack of control, your insentivity, etc. but that's just because I view woman as equals and I try to live by the Golden Rule. Perhaps your wife will have sex with a nice man, leave with him, and your problems will be solved.

[Chery]

You are doing your PhD in what?? It certainly has nothing to do with reality.
In a nutshell, you have been looking for a substitute for your wife's sister from the first day of marriage. You might be book-smart, but you know nothing about women. Even your girlfriend used you in a way you will never understand unless you use some heavy anesthetic drugs for your hormones.
Also if you think your wife does not already know, believe me, she knew the night of the wedding how you feel about her, and is smart enough to try and keep the family together and help you keep 'face' somehow. I for one, do not feel sorry for you losing your 'soulmate' because I think your soul is doomed and it would be a shame to take another soul on the journey you will eventually take. You should get on your knees in front of your wife who has tolerated your childish selfishness and beg her for her forgiveness for the sins of your past. We women, no matter what nationality can take mental and physical abuse up to a point, but when we have had enough, there is no comparison to the wrath of any god you could imaging - we are better at it, believe me. I have read the crap that you have posted here, and it differs not an ounce from any egotistical and blatantly disregarding male who puts himself above women, and then seeks others to blame. Look in the mirror and you will find the demon within who you can blame for it all. It's amazing, but as I read these unloving, uncaring words, my thought was that if I were your wife, I would turn into the town's richest and most respected widow within the next 48 hours. Therefore it's very hard for me to imagine you even getting enough sleep to look for another toy to please yourself. Good luck in surviving if you reject the idea of begging for forgiveness. You rated looks very well, but have you thought that looks are not everything.. what your wife has gone through with you would surely lift her up to sainthood in my eyes, with more inner beauty than you could ever imagine.

[unis]

All I can say is that this kind of person is what I fear.
I know not all men are like this but this is making paranoid.

I just think this creature should tell his wife and family, just to be fair with them and accept what his wife's decision will be.

[nymphetamine]

Yeah you tell them! YOu know what alia2 you suck. YOu are the suckingest person alive. I think you are the devil and you suck and you're evil. Evil.:eek:

[PrettyLady]

You guys made me laugh. To Talaniman and all the men here, I think you did an equally good job on this thread as the ladies. I would like to send special thanks to Talaniman, Captain Forest, NeedKarma, Jesushelper and Fr Chuck for providing their opinions. ;)