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Stephieee · Dec 6, 2007, 03:22 PM

I work at a small law firm as a legal assistant, and our holiday party is coming up. I have been working for the firm for over a year and helped to plan the party, which is going to be at a local bar. Everyone expects me to bring my boyfriend. No one at work has met him, but they ask about him. No one has met or seen him yet because he is practically covered in tattoos (hands included),and his ears are stretched to 1 1/2".

I have alot of (tasteful) tattoos too, which one of the attorneys who owns the firm has seen. He's laid back and doesnt really care. The other attorney is really conservative and would be absolutely APPALED by my boyfriend's appearance. He has a problem with tattoos.

I have worked really hard to project a professional appearance at work. I get along great with both bosses and everyone I work with. I feel like if I bring him to the party, it will draw attention to things about me that I dont necessarily want people I work with knowing about. Also, my bosses' small children will be there and I dont know if it might make the him uncomfortable.

On the other hand, if I dont bring my boyfriend, it will look strange to everyone. He also knows about the party and just assumes he is going. His appearance is the only thing "weird" about him. Otherwise he is smart, friendly and really outgoing. Also, he has really great tattos. He has even been in magazines for them. Asking him to cover up would hurt his feelings, and it would be pointless. Even a long sleeved shirt won't work- he his knuckles and hands are tattooed.

The party is just a happy hour at a local bar. We are 23 and 25 and we live in the city. And it is the year 2007. A few tattoos should not even be a big deal. I absolutely have to go to the party. Should I bring him , or make up an excuse and go alone?

Chery · Dec 6, 2007, 03:31 PM

If you are serious about this man and plan a future with him, you might as well start integrating him into the rest of your life. They might like him once they get to know him and overlook the appearance.

Again, this is your choice and your man, and your future. Which could you really do without?. this job, or this guy?

Good luck to you dear, and happy holidays.

letmetellu · Dec 6, 2007, 03:45 PM

Does your boyfriend have a job? Are the people where he works acceptable of him, and is he ashamed to be seen in certain places. And if he works with people that look somewhat like him is he doubtful about taking you the functions that his co-workers are at. This is one of the problems that people of mixed race marriages have and one that should be thought of before starting to date or marry each other. If he is the great guy you say he is I hope you take him.

shygrneyzs · Dec 6, 2007, 04:06 PM

My take on this is if you would be embarrassed to take him to this office party - which is what this sounds like - then he deserves a girlfriend who would not be questioning this. What he is, he is.

Chery · Dec 6, 2007, 04:09 PM

As has been said, this is the year 2007.

We not only have interracial marriages, we have homosexual couples, and have had the punk look, now the emo look, etc. What matters with all of these relationships is that the couples loved each other and are willing to let the world know it - no more hiding. We (most of us) have learned to accept this and wish every couple that is happy together all the best.

So, if you are happy together, show the world... it will still keep on turning, and they will still keep on living their lives too.

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Stephieee · Dec 7, 2007, 10:44 AM

Im going to take him. My family loves him. Hopefully work does too. If not, who cares. They're just people I work with.

ScottGem · Dec 7, 2007, 10:57 AM

Comments on this postStephieee disagrees: Not true. I'm not embarrassed. I just don't know if it would be appropriate.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

Shy was expressing an opinion that was reasonable based on what you have posted. Therefore a negative comment was inappropriate. This is just for future reference.

As to your issue. I agree that, if this guy is important in your life you should bring him. While I don't think you are ashamed of him, I do think you are concerned about how his appearance will affect your job. So I would talk to the partner who is aware of your tattoos and enlist his aid in making the other partner aware of the situation. The one thing you do NOT want to do is spring your boyfriend on your coworkers without warning. If you approach them and explain that you understand how some people may be put off but a heavily tattooed, and you therefore want to make them aware of your bf's artwork. But that he is an important person in your life.

If you do that I think you'll be OK.