[jrhodes27]

Hi, I'm new to this board and I'd just like to say thanks to everyone who contributes and offers help to those of us in need. It is most appreciated.

Now, as for my problem...

Here is a breakdown of the problems that I suffer from. I'm sure they have something do with my confidence issues:

1) Hypospadias - I have a mild case of this. For those of you that don't know, this means I have two holes on my penis as opposed to just one. The second hole is directly below the first, so it is not as bad as some of the other cases I have read about, but it definitely has something to do with the fact that I am a 27 year old virgin and pretty darn shy around girls. I'm afraid girls will laugh at it, if they saw it, or even stop seeing me as a result of it.

2) I'm a Product of a Dysfunctional Family - My parents divorced when I was 9. My real dad was kind of a flake for a real long time, but we have worked that out and we are on good terms now. A few years after the divorce, my mom married my rich a**hole stepfather. There's too much to list on this topic, but I'm sure you can guess the rest. Lots of bad times, very few good. I was only physically assaulted once, nothing major, but plenty of verbal abuse.

3) I seem to have some kind of mole disease.. I must have 500+ moles on my body, mostly on my upper torso (stomach and back) and more seem to grow all the time. I'm sure this has something to do with my self-confidence issue, when I'm usually too embarrassed to take my shirt off at places like the beach in fear of grossing girls out.

As I'm sure you could imagine, the problems above contribute to my confidence issues. However, my main problem is that I'm basically a scaredy cat. I'm afraid of fights and/or verbal confrontations. Whenever I get into a serious argument or get close to getting in a fight, my heart feels like its going to beat out of my chest and I feel like I can't breathe or swallow. My hands, knees and lips will even tremble, and I usually even feel the need to cry. Now I'm an above average sized guy here, I'm 6'1 and 190lbs. I don't think it's the thought of getting hurt in a fight that scares me so much as I think that people will know that I'm not tough or will laugh at me. Honestly though, I'm not sure what the reason is.

This fear and lack of confidence has prevented me from participating in a lot of life's activities, like going to college (afraid of classrooms), holding jobs (afraid of confrontations as well as the 9-5 thing), and dating. It has also stopped me from enlisting in the military, which has been something I've been wanting to do with my life for some time now. I feel that if a drill sergeant singled me out and started to berate me (a common practice in boot camp) that I may freeze up and break down and cry right there in front of him and all of the other recruits. I wish there was some way to talk myself out of this irrational fear and confidence problem, but I doubt there is a way.

On top of the fear of confrontations, I also have a fear of intimacy with women, which I'm sure is due to the problems above. I never go to bars, because they usually have 2 of the main things I'm afraid of -- girls and drunk guys that want to fight. I avoid situations that I know will put me in the position to meet/talk to girls. I've even passed up free vacations to Jamaica and the Bahamas with my friends, because I know I'd probably encounter these situations.

I've been depressed for quite some time now and I lead a pretty lonely existence. I moved back in with my mom and step dad 3.5 years ago at age 24 so that I could finish up my college degree (online classes, too scared of the real thing - I might have to speak in front of the class there). However, this is coming to an end in 6 months and I will have to face the real world again. I'd really like to join the military because the benefits are good and it seems so much more exciting than the boring and monotonous 9-5 job in the same old boring and depressing town. However, I'm starting to doubt that I'll ever have enough courage to go through with it and I will simply settle for what's easiest.

I'm sorry this turned out to be such a long rant, but it feels good to get things out and discuss them. I'm also currently too broke to afford counseling, so I guess I was hoping some of you might be familiar with the subject of psychology. If any of you have anything to offer on my situation(s), please feel free. I will respect any and all contributions. Thanks.

[fredg]

Hi,
About the only thing I DIDN'T read about in your comments and questions was Counseling!
Have you considered seeing a Dermotologist about the warts? A Professional could possibly help you with this problem.
Also, have you ever talked with a Professional counselor? Maybe not a psychiatrist, but possibly a Professional Psychologist?
You really do need to talk with someone, about getting your confidence up, and knowing you are just as special and important as any other human being on this planet.
I do not agree with you joining the military to "try" seeing if this will help. You really need to address some of your issue first, with a professional.
If you see a Dermotologist, he/she might be able to recommend or refer you to a professional to help you with the other issues. You really need to talk it out with them. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

[nymphetamine]

My soon to be ex mother in law had that same problem with moles so she went to the dermatologist and they made them disappear. Only a female who is really stupid is going to care that you have two holes in your you know where. It sounds kind of fun to me. I once dated this guy who was born with a condition that caused him to have to wear a colostomy bag at the age of 1. He had surgery done and so he now has a huge scar on his torso and acne scars all over his face. Hes got acid reflux and IBS wich means he doesn't go out in public places a lot and he wears dark pants most of the time because he does have accidents. When he had one of his episodes id get him a drink and some clean clothes and bring them to him and ask him what else did he need. He of course broke up with me because according to him Im not good enough for him. Im thinking you need to enroll in some self defense classes. I know that you don't like fighting but taking these classes will greatly improve yourself esteem and teach you self discipline. I hope you gain some confidence and get you a good woman soon. Good luck.