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Maggie83 · Dec 3, 2007, 01:39 PM

Hi Guys,

Im new to this site so please bear with me! A couple of years ago I dumped my ex g/f because she was thinking of moving away, in my haste I ended the relationship and it took me nearly six months to make things right again.

We had a good two years but this year has been very tough for me, the death of my grandfather and the final stages of my studies had taken their toll on my mental wellbeing and I became depressed, then the problems with my now ex started. I distanced myself from her and our sex life ground to a standstill.

Two months ago she told me it was all over due to my lack of affection and a loss of my get up and go, so she left and at first she emailled me telling me I was the best boyfriend she had ever had and so on... but then she stopped texting and emailling so I got in touch only to be told to move on

A few weeks ago she text me saying a letter (junk mail) had arrived for me at her place and asked if we could be friends to which I said no, the letter was posted and then no word for 7-10 days when she told me she still had some ''stuff'' of mine. Having recently began an new job close to hers (not through choice) she offered to bring the stuff to my work. When she gave me the bag it had clothes in I would have put in the dumpster! She complimented me on how well I looked and asked if I had been going out much, then at the end of it all she said it was lovely seeing me and hugged me so tight I was surprised! Then nothing that was a week ago and I don't know what if anything I should do, I really love this girl, we have been together six years in total and would like to try again but I'm not sure where I stand... any thoughts?

BMI · Dec 3, 2007, 01:50 PM

I think if you want to try again she seems willing my man. The old clothes and the "wanna be friends" angle may suggest a reason to contact you. I think your in a good position fortrying again, provided that's what you want.

Friends? Who wants to be friends with an ex, no good ever came of that:)

Maggie83 · Dec 3, 2007, 02:01 PM

Thanks for the input

Yeah I do want to try again, but I feel like I'm getting mixed messages and I don't want to seem needy or like she can walk all over me after she dumped me.:confused:

BMI · Dec 3, 2007, 02:08 PM

That's basically the problem with ex's. I'm in the same boat as you as we speak, your fears are my fears. HOWEVER, I waited and waited for signs and now I have wayyyyy to many to make any proper decision as to what is going on with her, its insane. If you wait too long and look for messages it will make things all the harder, being walked over is just our pride talking and a fear of rejection, again, WELCOME ABOARD!

From the info you provided I see an in for you, forget the mixed signal and get to work, better now than 6 months of this stuff. Besides, try to think that we already got this, they already liked us, so if it is no its not because she's too good, its just circumstances.

Maggie83 · Dec 3, 2007, 04:12 PM

I really don't know what to do, when we split I fought tooth and nail to get her back and she hasn't even told me she's sorry for this situation... I really don't know

talaniman · Dec 3, 2007, 04:50 PM

Could her recent contacts be stirring the flames you are feeling? Having invested a lot of time and emotion is not a good reason to renew a failed relationship. I really think you should go very slow and examine your own motives before you jump back into this. Of course there are unresolved issues here and you want answers you may not get, but one thing for sure if you are still confused or hesitant, deal with that first before making a commitment to retry a relationship. Go very slow with yourself.

Maggie83 · Dec 4, 2007, 12:47 AM

Yeah, every time I get myself somewhere near to a good balance again, the phone goes or she turns up to places she knows I'll be. I have started dealing with some of my issues I am no longer mourning my grandfather, I am exercising a lot more and I have found a job which has lifted me and I'm starting to feel good about myself again.

The thing is I can't tell whether she is wanting to try again, I don't want to ask her in case it isn't what she wants. Does she want to try again or is it a case that she doesn't want me but wants no one else to have me either?

talaniman · Dec 4, 2007, 11:49 AM

No one can explain the female mind. Don't even try to guess her motives, nor should you care for now, as you have too much on your plate to be worried about what she wants. When you are healthier and stronger, you can ask, so assume nothing unless she brings it directly.

Maggie83 · Dec 7, 2007, 10:49 AM

Hey guys

I got in touch with my ex today and she was really being nice and asking lots of questions, so I took the plunge and asked her out for a drink, to which she replied ''you can't do the friends thing'' I replied saying I couldn't and wondered if we could be more, she politely turned me down.

So in turn I text her saying ''look I'm sorry I've misread the situation,because you got in touch with me for trivial reasons I won't bother you again so please don't bother me'' I was trying to be mature and civil

To which I was told to f**k off, your being f**king shildish and you need to grow up!

That to me has shown her true colours to me so I'm happy I'm out, thanks for the input

BMI · Dec 7, 2007, 11:15 AM

Sounds like she's a real "grown up"!

I know it sounds bad but I am kind of happy for you. You took a shot, acted like a gentleman and now you know:) I'm at the point where knowing seems a lot better than wondering, regardless of the answer, maybe you feel that too.

Going forward, this will bethe last we here of this girl and you'll be back here posting problems about a brand new hotter girl soon enough, WE ALL WILL fingers crossed:)

Good for you man!

talaniman · Dec 7, 2007, 12:51 PM

You handled that like a pro!! Way to go!

bustertypsy · Dec 7, 2007, 02:06 PM

It does sound like she is trying to get back into your life.But the bottom line is she finished with you,so you have to wait and see if she wants you back.The least she should do is let you know what her intentions are.Do not assume she wants you,and then play into her hands.That would only let her off lightly and give her power.Let her honestly tell you she wants you back.If/when she does that,then you do what you feel is right.

Maggie83 · Dec 8, 2007, 02:24 AM

Thanks guys that's really nice of you to say such kind words... im worried about seeing her out and about with other guys but I won't do anything stupid, I've tried my best to maintain my dignity throughout this tough time and I have only ever had good intentions.

She's lashed out because I'm not begging or pleading my case I simply said I won't bother you please don't bother me and I mean it, she's wanted to see me I don't know why but now she has.

I know now she won't be back and if she did I know I couldn't go back, I don't feel repressed and like I'm second best... its time to put me first!

savannak · Dec 8, 2007, 03:38 AM

I think maybe yes she still has feelings for you but I wouldn't go to far on it because you might be getting signals that are wrong she might just really want to be your friend and to ask her out again might make her think otherwise on the hole thing... although I think you are in good shap she seems as though she really likes you just give it some time

talaniman · Dec 8, 2007, 07:34 AM

I think she got mad because you did what's best for you, and she was intent on keeping you in the friendzone, for whatever reason. Dumpers are selfish like that, in that they ask for space, but sometimes give you none. They do need to be aware that those that are dumped, almost always want more than friendship, and have a false hope of getting what they lost back. If more dumpee's would be as straight forward about how they feel, they would save themselves the mixed signals, and confusion, that comes with being put in the friendzone, and having contact with the exes.

Maggie83 · Dec 8, 2007, 10:18 AM

Exactly, I've always been straight... ive never believed in playing games and trying to guess what's going on it takes too much time and effort.

She's got mad because she wants to feel like she wants to move on but in case the grass isn't greener or she meets someone that may treat her bad she wanted me there just in case, like you said it's a selfish attitude.

I told her I couldn't do the friend thing the first time she got in touch but she persisted in getting in touch with me again about clothes I don't even need/want. Now I've said I won't play the role of fall guy both physically and mentally she's got angry.

s_cianci · Dec 8, 2007, 10:22 AM

I think you've handled the situation well. Now pretend that she doesn't exist anymore and get on with your life.

Maggie83 · Dec 10, 2007, 10:40 AM

Hey guy again thanks for the kind words,

Well having been told to grow up I've heard nothing from her since. However, my sister bumped into her in a club over the weekends and she asked how I was, my sister replied that I was doing well and was out enjoying myself... to which she replied that she needed a drink and my sister spotted her with tears rolling down her face! Why would she cry? Its got me baffled!

mafiaangel180 · Dec 10, 2007, 11:51 AM

Originally Posted by Maggie83

i became depressed, then the problems with my now ex started. I distanced myself from her and and our sex life ground to a standstill.

Two months ago she told me it was all over due to my lack of affection and a loss of my get up and go, so she left and at first she emailled me telling me i was the best boyfriend she had ever had and so on...but then she stopped texting and emailling so i got in touch only to be told to move on?

With you being depressed and stuff, I would say she only tried dumping you to get a reaction out of you. I don't think she really wanted to dump you, I think she wanted you to snap out of it. I just don't get the part where she tells you to move on...

Originally Posted by Maggie83

A few weeks ago she text me saying a letter (junk mail) had arrived for me at her place and asked if we could be friends to which i said no, the letter was posted and then no word for 7-10 days when she told me she still had some ''stuff'' of mine. having recently began an new job close to hers (not through choice) she offered to bring the stuff to my work. when she gave me the bag it had clothes in i would have put in the dumpster!! she complimented me on how well i looked and asked if i had been going out much, then at the end of it all she said it was lovely seeing me and hugged me so tight i was surprised!! then nothing that was a week ago and i dont know what if anything i should do, i really love this girl, we have been together six years in total and would like to try again but im not sure where i stand......any thoughts?

I think she definitely wants you. And this is a really hard situation. I don't know if my advice would be any good or not, but clearly the communication here sucks. I would do face to face contact and see where she stands. If you even want to. Whatever you do, don't do the text/email/phone thing, that's always crap. And if you do get back together, you guys need to sit down and discuss what you will and won't put up with.

Maggie83 · Dec 11, 2007, 10:57 AM

Well she has told me to move on twice now, however she cried when she spoke to my sister on Saturday and now she's emailling my so-called friend on a networking site, its idol chit chat but he shouldn't be encouraging her contact with any of my friends and he wasn't her biggest fan when we were together! But he refused to delete her.

I don't know what to do every time I'm getting better she's there in the backgound all of the time, I've tried to cut her out of my life for a while but my friends aren't helping me out