[carrenr]

Hi,
After proposing mediation for a more structured visitation order, my ex-husband (Respondent)decided to get an attorney. I did pro-per (Petitioner) because it wasn't such a big issue to me, I just wanted something in writing instead of the assumptions as to who it was that had a weekend with my son (12 year old). This came about because I quit a 5 year job working weekends and being home to raised our son when he was just 5 years himself. Now that I have taken a full-time day job, I have weekends available and wanted to spend time with my son. During the 5 years when I worked the weekends, my ex-husband would pick up our son and/or either keep him or deposit him to my parents. The ex-husband would do this because he was working rotating shift work at Chevron. Which basically means he spent about 20 % of the time with him.
Now that the ex-husband has "what he calls - a new family" (his girlfriend has a 10 year old), he no longer deposits our son to my parents and feels he now has him about 30 % of the time.
The clincher here is... because of his attorney he sent me the INCOME AND EXPENSE DECLARATION and now I have the ex-husband and his girlfriend's financial disclosure. I am very surprised at the high amount of income and have been struggling financial in raising our son on the child support from the initial Divorce decree of $600.00 (I lowered this from 800.00 to help out the ex-husband in the begining). I feel really stupid for have been so nice to the ex-husband (because I was still hurting and loving him) and thought one day we would rejoin! Stupid stupid me.
Well anyway, back to the issue... I would like to know if since my living standard has changed (I now make less at a new job that I've been at for 1 year) and my son is older and I find it costs more for the simplest of things he needs, can I request this modification without a lawyer, as I still can't afford one?
Thanks.

[fredg]

Hi,
Yes, you can request a court hearing by yourself, without a lawyer. Go to your local courthouse, and talk with the Court Clerk's office, explain what you want to do, and they should give you guidance on how to proceed.
Here is a link with some explanations:

http://www.nydivorceonline.com/nypag...ildsupport.asp

This could be a little different, depending on the state in which you live. Please check with a Clerk's Office of the Court. I do wish you good luck.

[carrenr]

Thank you for the advice, as I do appreciate any help. Just a quick update on my first posted questions... I live in California and understand that these proceedings take place in Superior Court, Family Services.. so therefore I went online to the Law section on Family and looked up the sections that were referenced (via the necessary forms)

http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/forms/

Now I run into a new set of questions:
1. Do I have to fill in the INCOME AND EXPENSE DECLARTION? *I have already received this form completed by the ex-husband's attorney.
2. Do I have to make copies of the already completed INCOME AND EXPENSE DECLARATION form that was sent by the ex-husband's attorney, when I submit my "Notice of Motion" (Notice of Motion and Motion for Simplified Modification of Order for Child Support)?

Also, to mention that on December 7th, we had mediation with changes to the visitation of our son. At this time, I did protest a few things and found both the mediators getting agitated, since we had already spent 2 hours going over things on an individual basis (they said to me there was another appointment waiting) and that it would have to go to court since we couldn't agree (which is usually what most parents do not want to hear) and they told me it was best for our son. I felt very intimidated and pressured in signing the Temporary Modification to Visitation Order (must be signed by the judge), and after reflection of this, it now gives the ex-husband 50% of visitation rights. However, since he now lives with a girlfriend, it is she that will be watching my son because the ex-husband's schedule has not changed (he still works rotating shift work) since the orginial inception of the visitation schedule in 2001. Therefore his actual visitation is still at 30% and will continue to be that way for a long time.
So, last question... can I quickly change my mind on this at this point and before the Judge signs?

Thanks again...

[CaptainForest]

Tip:

The INCOME AND EXPENSE DECLARATION you received from you ex-husband, make copies of it.

Every time you must submit a copy of it, submit a copy. Never give up the original document to anyone, but do bring it to court with you in case the judge wants the origninal.

[Fr_Chuck]

From years of experience with a hateful ex wife,

You can re-file, and re-file, and re-file because of cost of living changes, pay increases on the ex ( unless you get it based on a percent of his income)

They may not take into consideration his girlfirends income because they are not married, ( or just because some states only view ex's not new spouse even if they are married)

Anyway, time for lawyer and to find out what the average child support payment is. I would not file this without an attorney, esp since they have one now.

[staresina3]

Yes, you can apply for child support modifications for after 3 years in most states just for cost of living, but if his financial situation changes and he makes more money, or you just want to have him pay the $800.00 take him back to court. You do not need an attorney. This you can do yourself.

[staresina3]

First of all, I would not submit any financial information to his lawyer. You will have to submit it to the court anyway. Second, GRAB IT BEFORE THE JUDGE SIGNS IT. I felt pressured into signing my custody order also and now that he has shared custody it's a fight to get it changed. Even though his wife now pushes and slaps my kids. The judge will decide. You may have to get a Guardian ad lietm, but it will be worth it if you have bad feelings about the situation. My case was handled in Superior Court also in New Hampshire. I would also request he submits proof of income (pay stubs etc) They can lie on financials now that they have yours. You would have to call the court house to find out how to go about that.

[carrenr]

Thank you for all your best advise on my situation and man do I appreciate every word.
My son is 12 years old and I ask myself if it's wise to discuss what's going in this situation with his dad and I. My son's profile: he is very studious (A's & B's), in the sixth grade, is popular at school but reserved, has respect from his classmates and teachers, not athletic (grows plants and want's to be a Botinist since 5 years old), does NOT play computer or Playstation or Xbox games (frequently outdoors exploring), opens doors for any lady and is compassionate towards other children and animals. Tells you he is very mature for his age, but I wonder if maybe I'm treating him too much as an adult and not as much as a child. So, my eyes are clouded and I thought maybe here, everyone can help.
I really want him to be happy and be able to share time with his dad. My son and I are really close and I hope that he will see no matter what that I have always been there for him.
Thanks again for your help. I did make an appointment to see an attorney on Monday, Dec 19th and it so happens, that in Napa Valley (legally a small community) my ex-husband's attorney is close to the judge. So this prompted me to seek my own attorney who is very well known in the legal circle's and I'm told, "it's who you know (attorney)" that's going to benefit me in the long run. I've at least got good parents who are going to help pay for his services..
... since they are the grandparents that take my son to Europe with them every summer and they too have a stake in my visitation/support battle. I'm told the ex-husband will be able to deny any vacation to Europe if he so chooses (NOTE: They have a second home there and take my son on summer vacation with them every summer since he was born and this seem to never have been a problem with the EX in the past. Now he is being vendictive towards that too).
Whew, sorry for such a long message!

Carren

[staresina3]

My ex had a good lawyer. In the circle, so to say. Mine was supposed to be pretty good, but I found I could do a better job than he could. It was like he was afraid to stand up to my ex's lawyer. Now, the next topic, your son. My son is now 10 he is the same way, sensitive, great kid,never gets in trouble, into construction since he was two, wants to design build and drive Caterpillar machines, Very mature for his age. I have talked to him both good and bad about his Dad which I shouldn't. I have talked to him especially if it meant a change in his life, schedule etc.My only advice is that you should avoid the bad mouthing his father as much as possible (though I know sometimes it's just to hard no matter how good a parent you are), and if you feel he can handle it and he's not showing any stress over what you are telling him then go ahead. Kids should know what's going on to a point. My son can handle it.I tell him things especially if it relates to him. I make sure I ask him if he thinks things are going okay at my house and if there was anything he would change and if I am doing a good job as a mom. He tells me if I am not doing a good job. There was a point where I was really stressed out and yelled a lot and he told me I was being a bad mom. So, because of all that has happened and all that we have talked about, he is very open in talking with me. Oh, and get him into counceling if you believe in it. Kids also need someone besides mom they can talk to. My son loves it even though he only goes once a month. He can talk to his councler about things at Dad's house that he doesn't know how to handle. People will tell you not to talk to your kids that it's an adult issue, but it still effects them so I feel you should talk to them about it instead of leaving them confused.