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jamieleekba · Nov 29, 2007, 10:37 PM

Ex husband took kids out of our state (maryland) on his weekend visitation to the state of PA for 2 days. I spoke to them in the evenings to say goodnight, ex told me that they were at his moms in (maryland) and I found out he lied to me.

The court order states that when he wants to take them out of state he has to let me know when he is going and when he will be back.

He lied to me and violated this.

My question is, I want to keep the kids on his next scheduled weekend visit. The kids want to stay with me, cause I am going to a christmas party, and I thought I could keep them since he violated the order, so can I get in trouble?

oneguyinohio · Nov 29, 2007, 11:06 PM

Yep, if he wants to go through the hassles and cost of the court ordeal. I'd say two wrongs don't make a right. He could also get into trouble for what he did but I don't know how much. Did the two of you take any parenting classes as part of your divorce? It is required in Ohio.
Rather than using all the punishments with each other, why not try to be in more of a bargaining flexible nature... you give a little and he should too... let him know that you are willing to work with him when he wants to do stuff like he did if he will also reciprocate with you. When both parents fight all the time, neither one really wins and the kids suffer from having to choose sides and deal with the constant changing of alliances depending on who they are with...
You could try trading weekends when things like the parties come up with advanced notice.
Just be glad that he wants to be involved with the kids. Try to make each others job of being a parent a little easier... work with him with that focus... you might catch more flies with honey than vinegar if he sees that it is to his advantage...
You have to set aside all the divorce bitterness and put that into a separate issue... the object now is do the best you both can to make life better for the kids.

JudyKayTee · Nov 30, 2007, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by jamieleekba

ex husband took kids out of our state (maryland) on his weekend visitation to the state of PA for 2 days. i spoke to them in the evenings to say goodnight, ex told me that they were at his moms in (maryland) and I found out he lied to me.

the court order states that when he wants to take them out of state he has to let me know when he is going and when he will be back.

he lied to me and violated this.

my question is, i want to keep the kids on his next scheduled weekend visit. the kids want to stay with me, cause I am going to a christmas party, and I thought i could keep them since he violated the order, so can i get in trouble?

Yes, you can get in trouble if you violate the Court's order, as can he - how much of a problem do you want this to be? If you withhold the kids it will look like revenge and he could take you into Court.

You certainly could take him back to Court because he violated the Order but other than perhaps a "talking to" I doubt the Judge would do anything but tell him not to do it again.

Can you and your X work together, perhaps trade weekends or visiting days or are you beyond that point?

kanicky73 · Nov 30, 2007, 09:15 AM

If you keep the kids from him then your as wrong as he was to take the kids out of state and not tell you. Now I don't know how detailed your court order is but I know in mine it states that if my ex is going to take my child out of state for longer than 48-72 hours that he has to get my OK. To just take the kids out of town for a weekend getaway is pretty much harmless if you think about it. At least he is doing stuff with them. Now if he took them for 7 days and didn't tell you that's another story.

ScottGem · Nov 30, 2007, 09:16 AM

For a custody agreement to state that a parent cannot leave the state for travel purposes without permission, indicates a rather bitter divorce and an adverserial situation. I mean really, does it matter that much that he took them away for the weekend (to Hershey?) as long as he brought them back when they were due back. Do you really want to turn every visitation into a battle? I suspect he didn't tell you because he knew you would make a fuss over it.

As noted, you can't retailiate by violating the court order in your own right. Try putting the KIDS first, not your bitterness over the divorce. Try working out a compromise that will make the kids happy. Stop the bickering and think about your children. Divorce is hard enough on them, don't make them pawns in your battles.