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mikeyt555 · Dec 3, 2005, 09:54 AM

My girlfriend of a few month has asked for time and space. She says she still has scars and commitment issues from her ex of 3 years that cheated on her a year ago. We dated for 3 months and she said everything we have is totally in tune wiuth eache other. The way I touch her, kiss her, talk to her, listen to her, everything drives her crazy in the good sense. So suddenly after one romantic night she calls me in the morning and says things are too perfect right now and its' overwhelming and she needs time and space.

What do I do? Will we ever connect again if it was so perfect?

nymphetamine · Dec 3, 2005, 09:59 AM

I see where she's coming from. This dude must have really hurt her. Its hard to believe that anyone else is capable of being good to you when so many have not. Tell her you are there for her if she needs you. She doesn't need to be alone in this. If you stand by her she will see the light.

mikeyt555 · Dec 3, 2005, 10:14 AM

She has spent months complaining that she can't find a decent guy to settle down with and then when we are so perfectly matched you would tihnk we could make it happen. What is stronger her need for a serious future with a great guy or her insecurities and issues.

How much time is too much where I might lose her and how can I get her back. Do I make her jealous like some say to do.

nymphetamine · Dec 3, 2005, 10:57 AM

Dude try and make her jealous? Yeah lets go and make a girl who has already been hurt jealous. Slap you in back of head. If you have spent months being by her side and being a good man to her and she can't see that then she got serious security issues to wrk on. I can understand that. Been there. I understand your side also. Been there too. You tell her she can have her space if she needs time to think about some things. Tell her that you refuse to be her jesus on a cross. You are not her ex boyfriend and you will not take the blame for what he did. Seriously dude tell her how you feel and ill tell you if she's that insecure later on shell probably start that your cheating on me junk insecure people usually do. Don't put up with it. You done your part.

talaniman · Dec 3, 2005, 12:17 PM

I know its hard but you have to let her deal with her own baggage.She obviously is not ready for the same things you are.You both need a little time to sort it out,Don't worry if Its meant to be it will if not good luck elsewhere. :cool:

fredg · Dec 3, 2005, 01:42 PM

Hi,
I agree with the answer about give her time, and she has issues.
She is afraid, and needs some time to sort this all out. I believe she is being honest with you, and that's good.
I would NOT try helping her sort it out, cuase you are the one she wants to sort out, and also try understanding about a good relationship again.
Yes, you might lose her. There is nothing you can do about it; except, be respectful, caring, and treat her like a lady.
Let her know you are there for her, IF she needs you.
I would leave her alone, and let her decide for herself, exactly what she wants. If you try, as another suggested, to make her jealous, you will be playing games with her. She doesn't need that.
I do wish you good luck, and hope it works out OK. It might take a couple of months!

mikeyt555 · Dec 4, 2005, 12:20 PM

Thanks for everyone's sincere comments. Normally you get silly replies by idiots who think this is all a joke.

I know she meant everything she said about us being so perfectly in tune with each other. I'm hoping that like she has been saying, it's too soon for her to deal with something this good and in time we will work out.

But my question is, why would someone get so close to me and say that everything is perfect and then want time. Why would you get involved with someone you like in the first place if you know you are going to ask for time and space shortly after, and she did say in the beginning that we'd have to take baby steps, and we did. But I think she knew if things got serious and close, she'd have to back off, so why would she get involved with me if she knew how sincere I was. Also she had been complaining for months that she can't find a decent guy, now she finds me and says we are so perfect together but needs time.

dimples · Dec 4, 2005, 12:30 PM

Originally Posted by mikeyt555

Thanks for everyone's sincere comments. Normally you get silly replies by idiots who think this is all a joke.

I know she meant everything she said about us being so perfectly in tune with each other. I'm hoping that like she has been saying, it's too soon for her to deal with something this good and in time we will work out.

But my question is, why would someone get so close to me and say that everything is perfect and then want time. Why would you get involved with someone you like in the first place if you know you are going to ask for time and space shortly after, and she did say in the beggining that we'd have to take baby steps, and we did. But I think she knew if things got serious and close, she'd ahve to back off, so why would she get involved with me if she knew how sincere I was. Also she had been complaining for months that she can't find a decent guy, now she finds me and says we are so perfect together but needs time.

There are times in a person's life when you see things are going on perfectly & you are not used to that, you tend to double check if this is just a dream. When you are used to not being treated right, you tend to question all the good things that happen to you. I know it sounds weird but that is how the mind & heart reacts. As they say, If something is too good to be true, they usually aren't, right? So, let her reexamine what you guys have & when she is already comfortable with being treated like that, she will come back to you. The poor thing just had it bad & bad experiences are traumatic. The heart does not bounce back that easily. Be supportive & just be there. In the end, the good man always win.

mikeyt555 · Dec 4, 2005, 12:37 PM

Everyone has been so decent, I truly hpe what everyone is sayis true and will work out. The fact is that she is right about how perfect we are and that's why it's so damn hard on me to deal with it because I'm ready and she's not.

Her father is battling cancer and it doesn't look good. I have been very supportive and never asking for her time when I know it overlaps with family time. I also wonder if the problem may also be that she can't love someone at the same time and feel fuzzy inside when she is torn apart by her father.

We bumped into each other very briefly the other night and we shared a stare. It was longer than would normally be comfortable and you could see in her eyes she was thinking of things. And just before leaving she put her hand around the back of my neck and gave me a long kiss on the cheek, longer than a normal kiss. I know in the past when I left someone and wanted nothing to do with them, the last thing I would do is something like that. But maybe I'm just reading something into nothing, I don't know.

dimples · Dec 4, 2005, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by mikeyt555

Everyone has been so decent, I truly hpe what everyone is sayis true and will work out. The fact is that she is right about how perfect we are and that's why it's so damn hard on me to deal with it because I'm ready and she's not.

Her father is battling cancer and it doesn't look good. I have been very supportive and never asking for her time when I know it overlaps with family time. I also wonder if the problem may also be that she can't love someone at the same time and feel fuzzy inside when she is torn appart by her father.

We bumped into each other very briefly the other night and we shared a stare. It was longer than would normally be comfortable and you could see in her eyes she was thinking of things. And just before leaving she put her hand around the back of my neck and gave me a long kiss on the cheek, longer than a normal kiss. I know in the past when I left someone and wanted nothing to do with them, the last thing I would do is something like that. But maybe I'm just reading somethin into nothing, I don't know.

All the more reason for you to be there for her right now. Some people feel guilty about finding their own happiness when someone they love is grieving or ailing. Give her space to care for her father. If she needs your help, be her friend.

nymphetamine · Dec 4, 2005, 04:01 PM

She's sounds exactly like I feel sometimes mikey. I thinkDimples hit it on the head with that not being used to it thing. Most guys are not very nice to me so if a good man such as yourself came along yeah id be a little confused. Id also be afraid that this person wasn't for real or I would lose them and be back where I was. Maybe that is how she is feeling too.

DJ 'H' · Dec 5, 2005, 03:48 AM

My ex really hurt me and it has taken me nearon two years to get over him. I was afraid to trust men after that; afraid to allow myself to fall in love; afraid to let anyone in.

She is protecting herself. It has nothing to wth you and who you are!

When someone really hurts you - they leave big wounds that take time to heal.

She just needs some time to deal with her feelings.

If you know this girl is worth it then stick around. Don't smother her or push; just let her know you are around and are there for her. Let her know you are prepared to wait as long as it takes.

She will learn to trust you and will talk to you about what's going on inside of her head. But you have to let her do so when she is ready.

You just have to be patient with her.

s_cianci · Dec 5, 2005, 11:01 AM

Give her the space that she needs. Get on with your life and do the things that you enjoy. Meet new people, date new women, pursue new interests or "dust off" some old ones. Your life can be just as happy and fulfilling without her. Once she realizes this, she'll probably come crawling back to you. Good luck!

Wildcat21 · Dec 5, 2005, 01:54 PM

DON'T CALL HER. GIVE HER SPACE.

You handle that part right and she will come back.

I have a feeling you were getting too close to her - and were probably to nice to her and there for her too much. She was probably waiting for the skeltons fropm the closet to come out - other shoe to drop.

Be busy - do other things.

I am wondering gif you smothered her too much? Called every day?

mikeyt555 · Dec 8, 2005, 03:16 PM

We have been texting and talking. She wants to discuss everything and has appologized how it all happened. She asked to watch my dog while I am away this weekend which to me, if I wanted to be clear of someone I wouldn't offer that kind of favor. But then again maybe she's doing it to make up for what transpired, I'm not sure at this point. But we texted and laughed a lot for the past couple of days and when I get home tomorrow, hopefully we will have this conversation she wants to have to discuss everything. I will not be heavy on her or remind her of all the nice things she has said. I will be purely supportive of her and tell her I respect her and am always available in any way she needs me. I think this is the best I can do. Any suggestions. Am I being set up for the so long conversation. It's just so hard to understand when a woman tells you everything you do together is perfectly in tune with each other and then not want to be with you. Totally confusing??

talaniman · Dec 8, 2005, 03:33 PM

Welcome to the world of women! If you ask me they will always confuse and confound us poor males.Thats what they do.You sound like a good guy trying to do the right thing but this poor women won't give it to you like you want it! Go a little slower and try to balance your life a liitle more with activities that don't revolve around this woman so much!Give her space to get her own mind together,that doesn't mean you are obligated to sitting by the phone waiting for her to decide to call or text.A man should never act so needy as to just be available for anything that a female wants to put down,this is not healthy.Invest more time into yourself and your life and don't worry so much about someone else joining you in it.Be a friend not a fool! :cool:

Wildcat21 · Dec 8, 2005, 03:51 PM

I'd be cool dude. Don't show your cards until she does. Listen to her.

I wouldn't always be so available to her. Women want a challenge.

No pressure on her.

mikeyt555 · Dec 8, 2005, 03:53 PM

Great advice but I'm always concerned about giving too much time and space which may let her get away. I know everyone will say well if it's meant to be it's meant to be, but I do believe you still have to put in a little effort! I just don't want to let her slip away if there's a decent way of doing that.

Wildcat21 · Dec 8, 2005, 04:01 PM

Less is more!! Always with women. Too much attention and she WILL run.

mikeyt555 · Dec 8, 2005, 04:22 PM

She wants to pick me up at the airport tomorrow which is out of her way and schedule. Do I accept. A friend said call her from the airport and say you are there and tell her that if she can fine, if not say you're grabbing a cab and it's no proble. She asked me to pick her something up while I was on my trip. She collects these items. She didn't ask me in a *****y way, it was nice. And since she doggie sat for me I intended on getting her something anyway. But what do I do about the airport lift home thing?