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    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 900, Reputation: 109
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    #1

    Nov 29, 2005, 07:18 AM
    Stupid females
    I have this friend who has been in love with this girl since college. She's a little rich you know what. He has told her many a time how he feels about her but every time she will give him the impression that she feels the same way and then say she needs time for her self but then she goes and dates other guys and girls. My friend is 34 years old now and she is still making him feel he has a chance but pushing him back like a bird on a string. Ive tried to tell him that she is playing games with him and at first he seemed to think so to but then he started making excuses. There are some really nice girls who would never treat him that way that are trying to get his attention but he keeps holding on to her and won't make room for anyone else in his heart. Why do men or women do things like that? Why can't people love those who deserve their love rather than close themselves off only to love selfish and hatefull people and make others suffer? Why can't they open their eyes and see? She also lies to him and he believes every word she says even though a dummy could tell she was fake. I really hate her. How can I rescue my friend?
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #2

    Nov 29, 2005, 07:32 AM
    Friend
    Hi,
    There is a good chance you might lose him as a friend, if you keep trying to help him with this. This woman, as you said, is just "playing" with him.
    This is something he will eventually see for himself. You have tried helping him to see it, and I'm afraid if you keep at it, he won't like you anymore.
    We all learn about life from mistakes. Sometimes, especially with the heart, it takes much longer!
    Best wishes.
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #3

    Nov 29, 2005, 07:37 AM
    Well the one thing you have to remember is you cannot tell someone what to do. He will realise soon enough that she isn't worth pursuing and you can be there to help pick up the pieces.

    Unfortunately if he doesn't - there is not a lot you can do. It sounds to me like he dismisses everything you say and truly believes she has feelings for him - so all you can do is just continue to be there for him and just be patient with him.

    I was very much the same with my ex - I was very much in love with him (even though he was an arsehole to me and an areshole in general). All my friends kept telling me, but I had an excuse for everything. I knew deep down they were right - but I did not want to believe they were right. Self denile is very hard thing to stop. If you tell yourself something enough times you generally start to believe it. Its sounds like your friend is doing the very same.

    Why don't you try and hang out with him, do an activity together or in a group; try and take his mind off her. This will enable him to socialise with others and perhaps even meet new people without him realsing so.
    dimples's Avatar
    dimples Posts: 256, Reputation: 9
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    #4

    Nov 29, 2005, 12:46 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by crankiebabie
    I have this friend who has been in love with this girl since college. Shes a little rich you know what. He has told her many a time how he feels about her but everytime she will give him the impression that she feels the same way and then say she needs time for her self but then she goes and dates other guys and girls. My friend is 34 years old now and she is still making him feel he has a chance but pushing him back like a bird on a string. Ive tried to tell him that she is playing games with him and at first he seemed to think so to but then he started making excuses. There are some really nice girls who would never treat him that way that are trying to get his attention but he keeps holding on to her and wont make room for anyone else in his heart. Why do men or women do things like that? why can't people love those who deserve their love rather than close them selves off only to love selfish and hatefull people and make others suffer? Why can't they open their eyes and see? She also lies to him and he believes every word she says even though a dummy could tell she was fake. I really hate her. How can i rescue my friend?
    One reason for this is that men love a challenge. Be it sports or girls, they push it to the limits. And I think his *****y little friend knows how to play this game. I would suggest you bring him back from cloud nine & let him smell the coffee. Talk to him as a friend. One serious talk will make him realize what a fool she is making of him. Help him move on. Plan some activities you know he likes to distract him. He will be over her in no time.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #5

    Nov 29, 2005, 01:19 PM
    Everyone loves a challenge... you can't just surrender to someone.

    There are a lot of sayings out there...

    "people want what they can't have" - always.

    "treat em mean, keep em kean"

    This guy needs to shut this woman off. Maybe she will come around then. He is too available to her... woman don't like that.

    She KNOWS she is stringing this poor sap along. He is too needy in her eyes.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #6

    Nov 30, 2005, 07:51 PM
    Your concern for your friend is admirable and I fully agree with everything you've said. As far as "rescuing" him, however, I'm not sure there's an answer for that. It sounds like you've tried talking to him and done everything you realistically can. I guess that some people just have to learn the hard way. You mentioned that there are several people who are "trying to get his attention." Ever think of playing matchmaker? Maybe you could set him up with a couple of these potential love interests. That might take his mind off the rich "you know what" who's stringing him along.
    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
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    #7

    Nov 30, 2005, 10:09 PM
    Crankie-I think your friend desperately wants to "have" this girl because it will make him feel special, worthy. Right now he's wondering "what's wrong with me?, why won't she choose me?" If he were to win her over, he'd feel like a prize. The part about her being a challenge is also true. Working hard to get this girl must mean that she's something special and when he finally does, wow, isn't he the big stud. He makes excuses for her because if he didn't, then she would be just an ordinary, mean chick, and conquering ordinary doesn't make you a prize. The truth of the matter is, women like this that string men along like that are not as confident as they seem, it's actually the opposite. They get a feeling of accomplishment for being able to manipulate multiple guys at one time, especially for that long of a period. They haven't figured out yet that real accomplishment comes from being proud of who you are, not of how many you can deceive. Your friend needs to put her in his past, not as the one who got away but as the one he chose to forget.
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #8

    Dec 1, 2005, 06:01 AM
    Momincali
    Some very good points. Some men do love a challenge. They always want what they cannot have. They love the chase and the want of breaking through that hard exterior. But 9 time out of ten once they are through they kick them to the kirb and move on to the next one. In some cases it's like they are playing a game; along the lines of cat & mouse maybe lol

    Crankie - I am not saying your friend is like this however (that was just a general observation about some men)

    Your friend is perhaps concentrating perhaps more so on what he doesn't have rather than what he does have or could have if that makes any sense at all.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Dec 3, 2005, 09:03 PM
    No sympathy
    Sorry, I just can not find it in my heart to feel sorry for a 34 year old COLLEGE grad whose been chasing a chick since college?Boy do I have some real estate to sell him,so much for higher education.Girl friend should have been a very dim memory by now.He could have been married and devorsed 4 times by now.I'm not buyin'there has to be something I missed here :confused: :cool:
    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 900, Reputation: 109
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    #10

    Dec 3, 2005, 09:42 PM
    Well he did get married when he was 18 to the first girl he slept with he says because he thought he had to at the time. He actually sent this girl an invitation to his wedding saying that he would leave his fiancé at the alter if she would be his but she didn't show up. Later on his wife finally tells him that she found the invitation and tore it up.they had some problems because he couldn't let go of this girl and she got tired of it and stopped sleeping with him so then he divorced her. He got engaged while he was only separated to another girl he hadn't known but a week. I use to have feelings for him one time but then I woke up and saw the light. This girl has been telling him recently that she wants him to come move in with her and help take care of all her animals but she still has her ex boy friend living with her who I understand is a major fox where my friend is not so and then she now has a female lover living with her also. I tried to tell him that I think what he is really in love with is her money and he's mistaken that for being in love with her because he is obsessed with money and she has lots of it. He don't listen though cause he's a freakin syco.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #11

    Dec 3, 2005, 10:05 PM
    Another perspective
    If I were a rich girl... We all know what money can do. It does not only get you a lot of material things, but also can create insecurity as far as motives for friendships from others. If I were rich, I'd probably be worried about someone liking or loving me for me or my money. If I were rich, I'd probably draw a lot of envy from others who don't even give me a chance to really get to know me. If I were rich, would I really believe a man saying 'I love you' or is it my money he loves? What do we really know about this woman? Maybe she does have feelings for him and that's why she goes back and forth with him, after being played with by other men who might just be in that type of social circle and hangers on. There might also be pressure from parents and she just does not want to argue with them about her relationships. Maybe she goes back to him to escape from her world to his for a while to have peace, and he might know her better than she knows herself, therefore making excuses on her behalf. Did I miss reading that he was totally miserable due to the way she treats him, or is he just a little sad because she does not have as much time for him as he would like? I'm sure that if and when he has had enough, he will tell her to take off and let him be. It's amazing how we can be so judgemental without seeing the entire picture, so I thought I'd just draw another one for you to think about. No matter what, I think it's up to the two individuals involved and that there is more than what we are getting.
    OK, done with my Crusade of the Month.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #12

    Dec 3, 2005, 10:10 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by crankiebabie
    well he did get married when he was 18 to the first girl he slept with he says because he thought he had to at the time. he actually sent this girl an invitation to his wedding saying that he would leave his fiance at the alter if she would be his but she didnt show up. later on his wife finally tells him that she found the invitation and tore it up.they had some problems because he couldnt let go of this girl and she got tired of it and stopped sleeping with him so then he divorced her. he got engaged while he was only separated to another girl he hadnt known but a week. i use to have feelings for him one time but then i woke up and saw the light. this girl has been telling him recently that she wants him to come move in with her and help take care of all her animals but she still has her ex boy friend living with her who i understand is a major fox where my friend is not so and then she now has a female lover living with her also. i tried to tell him that i think what he is really in love with is her money and hes mistaken that for being in love with her because he is obsessed with money and she has lots of it. he dont listen though cause hes a freakin syco.
    I was probably still writing my post while you just posted. But if you think he's a psycho, then don't worry about him, and let him go on with his fantasies and stay a lost cause. He's already messed up twice, do you want to be number three? I don't think you are that self-destructive, so as I said, let him live his own life, and you continue at peace with yours.

    sovaira's Avatar
    sovaira Posts: 271, Reputation: 10
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    #13

    Mar 3, 2008, 10:06 AM
    By now u must be happily living with a guy?? Are you.

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