[applehead2007]

I am a female in her 20's and I think I have an anger problem. Recently, I started anger management voluntarily. The thing is, I feel like this anger inside is deeply rooted and I don't know if I can ever really control it.

I am not violent, but I am very critical of others. My boyfriend broke up with me in large part due to my anger. After a few years, nothing he did was good enough for me. I am really scared I will continue this pattern in other relationships. My father has a real anger problem and he has not been able to hold a job for any length of time. He blames everyone, especially my mom who is a SAINT and works 60 hours a week to support us. My anger at my dad has come back strong since I had to move home after my ex and I broke up. I can't stand how my dad orders my mom and the rest of us around yet does nothing himself and only makes excuses. I find myself exploding at the drop of a hat about this.

Don't know what else to do. Feeling guilty because I can't control this rage and hostility. I am terrified I will end up like my dad. Anything else I can do? I plan to move out as soon as I get a job out here, but my ex was my rock who helped me through so much and now it's just me. How to be stronger without relying on someone else?? How do I not turn on them when things don't go well in my life??

[s_cianci]

Keep up with the anger management classes. Aside from that, a lot of it is just a matter of changing your own mindset. You can't control what happens to you but you can control how you react to it. Take a look back at your ex-boyfriend. When he did something that made you angry you chose to become angry at it. That doesn't mean your anger was justified. Maybe it was and maybe it wasn't. If it wasn't then you have to take full responsibility for it ; you can't blame the boyfriend or anyone else. You also have to take full responsibility for how you responded to the behavior that made you angry, whether your anger was justified or not as that was your choice. Just like your boyfriend chooses his behaviors, you choose yours. It does sound like you've become a carbon copy of your father and it sounds like you both have difficulties where personal responsibility is concerned. That being the case I'm not at all sure that continuing to live with your parents is a good thing. Maybe you should see if there's a way you can swing it financially to live elsewhere even now, before you get a job. Perhaps you need to give yourself some positive self-talk and try looking at things from multiple perspectives.

[Caralyn]

I'm a redhead with a fiery temper to match. I'm a great believer in positive thinking. I also do relaxation and meditation. This all helps a lot. And I just wondered if you had ever considered relaxation or meditation. I agree with s_cianci, you can't control what happens to you but you can control how you react to it. Taking full responsibility for your own words and actions gives you much more control over them. I agree that living with your parents may not be helping your situation. Take control of your own life, be the boss of it and you may be surprised by the outcome. :)