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bluediamond · Nov 16, 2007, 01:32 PM

I've heard countless of times that being too available can be a problem. I have been recently laid off, and my girlfriend calls me like 5 times a day when she's at work, to say hello, and just talk. Then when she gets off work in the evening at around 7pm, I go over there, chill, we watch TV, and go to sleep (partly because of no money between the both of us) due to michigans economic mess...

So the other day, she says I don't talk, that we don't have conversations. Now, we've been together 3 years now and it just came up now. Really, what does she expect me to say?! She calls me ALL DAY LONG, then we see each other at night. What does she expect me to say? What's new with me today? What did I do today? She knows! Why? Because she calls all Day LONG

Im starting to think the reason why I don't have anything to say is we are around each other too much, so there isn't nothing to really talk about because of that. Its like there isn't anything to miss

1. So am I right that every time she gets off work, and expects me to come over, maybe I should say, well hey I'm going to hang out with some friends tonight, stay home tonight, etc? Because if I chose to hang with a friend for the night, then she gets pissed because I won't come over

2. And if we were to live together, how could you avoid being too available when you LIVE together, as that was her previous topic of discussion... us living together

I would really appreciate you guys input on this... thanks you all

bluediamond · Nov 16, 2007, 01:34 PM

Was thinking maybe we r just tired of each other

Silmara · Nov 16, 2007, 01:45 PM

Hi there :-)
As a woman, I'd just like to say that maybe you should tell her the same things you just wrote here. And when a couple is really comfortable with each other, there is no need to say anything. The silent doesn't bother... what is important is to stay closer.. together... Good luck!

BiWiccanAndProud · Nov 16, 2007, 01:54 PM

I agree with Silmara! Just talk to her about. Excessive talking does hurt some couples and some it doesn't! Me and my boyfriend spend every minute we can with each other and text and all that, I mean we will be together and suddenly be struck with something that happened that day that we forgot to mention, or we just talk about meaningless topics or really serious ones (that george bush is an idiot or about abortion or AIDS). Now my friend
Tracey she is talkative too but when her boyfriends call her like 4 times a day she gets annoyed and doesn't like it. It really just depends on your personality.

Some examples of what to say to her might be, "I'm sorry I'm busy tonight with something at home" or "I really can't come over" or "I've had a long day, I just want to rest".

What ever you do though DO NOT COME UP WITH BS EXCUSES! If she finds out it is likely that she will be upset cause her first thought will be "He doesn't want to be around me anymore!" and trust me you don't want a girl to think that! If you have any family out of town then set up a trip to see them for like a week. For instance me and my boyfriend have had two arguments in the last 2 weeks (very unusual for us) and next week I'm spending a week at my dads for Thanksgiving. Sure we will text non stop and try to sneak on the phone at night but we won't actually be with each other. If anything else stop answering your phone every time she calls, or ask her to just not call you so much. Express your feelings ^.^, a relationship just isn't right if you can't TRULY talk with each other.

izkylee · Nov 16, 2007, 01:56 PM

Like I've said in previous topics, communication is key in any relationship

3 years..
You guys should be comfortable with each other enough to talk about something like this.

kanicky73 · Nov 16, 2007, 02:00 PM

I have a few thoughts on this. From my own personal past experience in relationships I found that when I felt I needed to be away from my partner that I was beginning to get bored with it. I soon realized that it really had nothing to do with being bored but everything to do with just needed some "alone" time every now and then. But I think what you need to ask yourself here is, are you really and truly getting bored and annoyed with her or just in need of some space. Sometimes it may be hard to distinguish between the two. I would agree with what the posters above said also, that you need to in a non threatening or argumentative way explain that there really isn't much left to talk about after you have spoken 15 times in one day.

bluediamond · Nov 16, 2007, 02:06 PM

Originally Posted by izkylee

like i've said in previous topics, communication is key in any relationship

3 years..
you guys should be comfortable with eachother enough to talk about something like this.

Yes you are right... And I told her what I said in my opening statement. That didn't work, which is why I am posting it here lol. Then she says that I never help her with her rent and that she's going to have to get SECOND job. Lately, every time I'm around her, it's a woe is her type of conversation

Now, I will admit, I do spend the night over there every night, only because she asks me to when I come over. But I feel bad, I mean I give her like $150 a month to help her with rent, as her rent is $600 not including utilities, etc.

However, I have my own place. I live with my brother and pay the bills here. So I don't have much room to work with. Me and my g/f use to live together in the past, but it didn't work out. Now she wants to move back together, I'm thinking because she can't handle the bills... I warned her before moving out of my place that would happen. Now, she is in a lease, and... So am I of my own

Any thoughts to that

bluediamond · Nov 16, 2007, 02:15 PM

And when we do talk, all the other talks is about money. She always whines that she doesn't have any money etc etc etc, and I know that's my girlfriend but I can't ALWAYS be around negativity, because it makes ME feel guilty

Wondergirl · Nov 16, 2007, 02:15 PM

When she says that, do like the old couple did who had been married for a zillion years and no longer had anything to say to each other. They told each other nursery stories and exchanged nursery rhymes.

He: Jack and Jill went up the hill.
She: You're kidding! Why did they do that?
He: To fetch a pail of water.
She: They carried the water down the hill?
He: Jack fell down and broke his crown.
She: OMG! What about Jill?

... and so on...

Or

He: There was a little girl named Goldilocks who decided to take a walk into the forest.
She: Uh oh. Were there wild animals in the forest?
He: She didn't think so. She wandered around and came across a cottage.

... and so on...

This works real well in restaurants. Other diners think the couple is having the conversation of a lifetime!

Tell stories about your life--how you did your laundry, what detergent you used, how hot was the water, how full was the washer, how long the wash cycle was, how you transferred the clean, wet clothes into the dryer and how long you set the timer, etc. etc. etc. Or, tell how you started the day, what time your alarm went off, what brand of toothpaste you used, which brand of soap you used during your shower, what color the bath towel was when you dried yourself, which clothing you put on, how many pockets were in the pants and shirt, if you used mousse or gel on your hair before you blew it dry, etc. etc. etc.

She will get the message.

bluediamond · Nov 16, 2007, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

When she says that, do like the old couple did who had been married for a zillion years and no longer had anything to say to each other. They told each other nursery stories and exchanged nursery rhymes.

He: Jack and Jill went up the hill.
She: You're kidding! Why did they do that?
He: To fetch a pail of water.
She: They carried the water down the hill?
He: Jack fell down and broke his crown.
She: OMG!! What about Jill?

....and so on....

or

He: There was a little girl named Goldilocks who decided to take a walk into the forest.
She: Uh oh. Were there wild animals in the forest?
He: She didn't think so. She wandered around and came across a cottage.

....and so on....

This works real well in restaurants. Other diners think the couple is having the conversation of a lifetime!!

Tell stories about your life--how you did your laundry, what detergent you used, how hot was the water, how full was the washer, how long the wash cycle was, how you transferred the clean, wet clothes into the dryer and how long you set the timer, etc. etc. etc. Or, tell how you started the day, what time your alarm went off, what brand of toothpaste you used, which brand of soap you used during your shower, what color the bath towel was when you dried yourself, which clothing you put on, how many pockets were in the pants and shirt, if you used mousse or gel on your hair before you blew it dry, etc. etc. etc.

She will get the message.

LOL

enigmagnetic · Nov 16, 2007, 02:22 PM

Originally Posted by bluediamond

I've heard countless of times that being too available can be a problem. I have been recently laid off, and my girlfriend calls me like 5 times a day when shes at work, to say hello, and just talk. Then when she gets off work in the evening at around 7pm, I go over there, chill, we watch tv, and go to sleep (partly because of no money between the both of us) due to michigans economic mess.....

So the other day, she says I dont talk, that we dont have conversations. Now, we've been together 3 years now and it just came up now. Really, what does she expect me to say?!? She calls me ALL DAY LONG, then we see each other at night. What does she expect me to say? Whats new with me today? what did i do today? She knows!! Why? Because she calls all Day LONG

Im starting to think the reason why i dont have anything to say is we are around each other too much, so there isnt nothing to really talk about because of that. Its like there isnt anything to miss

1. So am i right that every time she gets off work, and expects me to come over, maybe I should say, well hey im going to hang out with some friends tonight, stay home tonight, etc? Because if i chose to hang with a friend for the night, then she gets pissed because i wont come over

2. And if we were to live together, how could you avoid being too available when you LIVE together, as that was her previous topic of discussion......us living together

I would really appreciate you guys input on this...thanks you all

Talk about nagging. What a nightmare. So I'll reiterate what you said.

I got laid off. I have no job. I'm dating this girl. We talk too much during the day and later in the evening when I'm trying to relax she complains I don't talk enough. If I give us some space so we can "miss" each other she complains.

So basically, she is always complaining. You're down on your luck right now and she is complaining. That's a tough situation. I've been there. My situation ended because of the degradation of that spark. Giving each other space is the best solution, even if she complains give about it. Women constantly due this to men, but most importantly, it is a test of a one's manhood. You see she is challenging you constantly so you'll cave. Don't cave. Women due this partly as a reflex. Go out more with your friends. Maybe once a week you can get away from each other. Secondly, stop picking up the phone 5 times a day. I mean it's not like you really have to talk 5 times a day. You know this to be the solution. If she breaks up with you then she clearly wasn't the one. Ideally the best way to solve this problem is for you to get a job, even if it's something you really don't want to do in the interim. Good luck.

bluediamond · Nov 16, 2007, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Talk about nagging. What a nightmare. So I'll reiterate what you said.

I got laid off. I have no job. I'm dating this girl. We talk too much during the day and later in the evening when I'm trying to relax she complains I don't talk enough. If I give us some space so we can "miss" each other she complains.

So basically, she is always complaining. You're down on your luck right now and she is complaining. That's a tough situation. I've been there. My situation ended because of the degradation of that spark. Giving each other space is the best solution, even if she complains give about it. Women constantly due this to men, but most importantly, it is a test of a one's manhood. You see she is challenging you constantly so you'll cave. Don't cave. Women due this partly as a reflex. Go out more with your friends. Maybe once a week you can get away from each other. Secondly, stop picking up the phone 5 times a day. I mean it's not like you really have to talk 5 times a day. You know this to be the solution. If she breaks up with you then she clearly wasn't the one. Ideally the best way to solve this problem is for you to get a job, even if it's something you really don't want to do in the interim. Good luck.

I appreciate that... quick question, what do u mean when u say cave? And what do u think about the additional post I put about the bills? Thanks

enigmagnetic · Nov 16, 2007, 02:54 PM

Caving to her every demand. "no I don't want you to go out with your friends once a week" "yes honey" as opposed to "I'm sorry babe but I have to do this for us and for my own sanity but I do love you" You are standing up to her and being a man at the same time it is essential. Bills situation is her finding an outlet for her to vent her frustration. My ex did it through my driving. She was the worlds worst backseat driver. I even pulled over once and asked if she wanted out. It will only grow until you act like a man and take action.

otherkat · Nov 16, 2007, 04:37 PM

I think you should do things on your own but don't just pop it on her that night, tell her you are going out with the guys a day or so in advance, cause she sounds like she's a freaker. Maybe this will go smoother.

bluediamond · Nov 16, 2007, 04:46 PM

What do you guys think about the bill situation? I mean I know I'm the man, and I feel bad for her maybe having to get a second job, but that's not my problem, I mean, I have a place of my own... I have my own bills... what does she think I'm supposed to do?
I do feel bad for her, but she moved out because we argued too much, and put HERSELF in that situation although I'm sure she didn't know her bills would catch up to her like that

BiWiccanAndProud · Nov 17, 2007, 09:09 AM

Tell her that! Say I'm sorry but I can't help you with it, I have bills to pay too. If you didn't want to pay for bills on your own why did you move out?

I know it sounds mean but you need to point the obvious out to this girl! She didn't want to pay bills, or the possibility to have to get a second job she shouldn't have moved out. She would be in the same situation if you guys weren't dating, she needs to deal with it like that and take care of herself. She's a big girl I'm sure she is capable of it. If she doesn't want to pay bills she should move back in with you. As for arguing... that's not an excuse! Every couple fights -.- it's inevitable. Me and my boyfriend didn't have a real fight until this month (our 6th month anniversery). He kept saying we would never fight cause we are so compatible... but look we fought. It's a relationship -.- fights happen, suck it up.

enigmagnetic · Nov 17, 2007, 09:15 AM

Yes Yes! Don't cave. Like the lady above has said. Stand up to her. You have to be assertive. If you keep listening and being her punching bag two things will happen;

1. She will get bored with you (which is already happening)
2. She will lose respect for you (which is already happening)

Buck up son buck up!