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nick88 · Nov 14, 2007, 09:17 PM

Okay so I have been on the site for months now and it does help me and thank you.

So my situation now is that I broke up with my boyfriend last night unexpectedly. Weird to say but yea. I was planning on doing it soon but not last night. The reason for my break up is because I need a break from him. We been going out for a year and a half. He makes me feel pressured in being with him forever. He is set, he knows he wants to be with me and marry me. The thing is that everyday he always asks me questions like, are you going to be with me forever, how much do you love me, are you getting sick of me, are you going to have my kids, I know when I'm going to propose... questions like these drive me crazy because I'm too young to think about these things. Im only 19 years old and I'm a sophomore in college. I do love him and care about him but I have to realize it for myself that I really want to be with him the rest of my life and that he is the one. I do miss him, but I think that's because I'm so used to seeing him everyday. I don't know if its true love or if I'm in love, but I guess I'll realize it right? Is it wrong if I go out and meet new guys and get to know them? Do you think this is a big mistake because I don't want to loose him. Another reason I think is because he is my first serios boyfriend so I feel like I think I'm in love with him. You know? We broke up alredy about 4 times and they were all because of me. But this one is serious because I have to do this for myself. We left it in good terms. He said that in order for me to talk to him or see him I have to call him. The mistake he did before was that every time I broke up with him, he kept chasing me and calling me and seeing me and that made it hard for me and that's why I went back out with him again. He also said that he's confident that we're going to be together again and that's why he's good right know. (I talked to him before) but he said that if I'm doing this for the bad reasons which is doing things he doesn't like, like hooking up with a lot of guys and he finds out then he won't get back with me. But in order for me to realize that he is the one I have to get to know and meet other guys. I think this is a break up, but he thinks it's a break. He respects my decision of doing this because I do need space, he said.

So this happened last night because the topic came into the conversation and he knew something was bothering me so I just told him how I honestly felt and that's how it happened. It wasn't fair for him because he thinks that I do want to be with him forever because I always tell him what he wants to hear and not how I honestly felt. And I can't keep doing this to him, breaking up with him. So I think this is good for both of us, I think it'll actually make us stronger if we get back together. So did I make the right decision? Should I still see him once in a while and talk to him? Is it wrong if I meet other guys and hook-up? What should I do now?

Please help me. Thank You for your time.

N0help4u · Nov 14, 2007, 09:51 PM

He sounds clingy and insecure. It is hard to be with someone like that because you are left feeling trapped in their emotion leaving you drained and pushed into something to the point you can't decide for yourself what is best for you cause you don't want to disappoint him. If you are wanting to meet new guys maybe that is telling you that you really weren't happy with him deep inside. I think you need to take time for yourself and not worry about guys for awhile. In the mean time tell your boyfriend that if you are going to see him it needs to be one day at a time without all the pressure so that you can just enjoy being with him and let things fall into place.

jeffatl · Nov 15, 2007, 01:09 AM

Sounds like you did the right thing. NOBODY like to be pressured into marriage. Take a break from this and find someone that isn't so clingy. YIPES. I don't see this going off well though, be prepared for him to put him through hell. BE HONEST with him, tell him it's over... none of this "I dont know" or "maybe" stuff. It will just make it worse.

BiWiccanAndProud · Nov 15, 2007, 01:25 PM

It sounds like you both were a bit insecure. He wanted to seal the deal (probably so that he doesn't have to worry about finding someone to love again) and you just wanted him to be happy and told him things he wanted to hear.

It sounds to me like this relationship is over cause N0help4u is right, if you broke up with him and want to see other guys it probably wasn't going to last, but who knows! Maybe you will see other guys and realize he was the right one and go back. Maybe you will realize that he wasn't and find someone better. Me and my boyfriend are both kind of insecure and often ask things like "how much do you love me" "tell me you love me" or "will you be with me forever" the only one we really ask in worry anymore though is the last one, the first two well... we just ask cause we want to hear it (we have never said we love each other or anything souly to make the other happy though! We say it cause we mean it!)

Now if you do see other guys BE PREPARED!! I can guarantee your ex will get jealous and fast! The first one or two guys he is probably going to think "she's just exploring but she'll come to me in the end" but after that second one he is going to start getting jealous. Through ALL the guys (if he is in good contact with you) I'm willing to bet he will ask you questions about the guys and probably say something like "Are you sure you like this guy?" like a subtle hint at trying to get you to compare him to them.

But honey all and all you did the right thing! No one should be pressured in a relationship and if you don't like a clingy guy... DON'T DATE HIM :P lol. Best of wishes! I hope you find that one for you... your still young you'll find him! I'm only 17 and I've found the love of my life. You'll find yours ^.^ sometimes though... it's better not to look. Let love come to you, if you search for it all the time... you just make yourself tired :P

otherkat · Nov 15, 2007, 01:51 PM

I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend is worse than yours, but that's only because it's been escalating the past 3 1/2 years. He seems more secure than mine, he won't let me leave he begs me to stay and threatens suicide.
If I could go back to where you are I would leave him. I would suggest that you don't talk to him for a while. Like a month. And be strong. Your life will take the course that it is destined to take.

BiWiccanAndProud · Nov 15, 2007, 01:53 PM

O.o... otherkat... your boyfriend needs help O.o... therapist??

mafiaangel180 · Nov 15, 2007, 04:36 PM

Regardless of how clingy he might be... it sounds like you led him on. If you have no intention on being with him leave him alone.

Chery · Nov 15, 2007, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by nick88

okay so i have been on the site for months now and it does help me and thank you.

So my situation now is that i broke up with my boyfriend last night unexpectedly. wierd to say but yea. i was planning on doing it soon but not last night. the reason for my break up is because i need a break from him. we been going out for a year and a half. he makes me feel pressured in being with him forever. He is set, he knows he wants to be with me and marry me. The thing is that everyday he always asks me questions like, are you going to be with me forever, how much do you love me, are you getting sick of me, are you going to have my kids, i know when im going to propose... questions like these drive me crazy because im too young to think about these things. Im only 19 years old and im a sophmore in college. I do love him and care about him but i have to realize it for myself that i really want to be with him the rest of my life and that he is the one. I do miss him, but i think thats because im so used to seeing him everyday. i dont know if its true love or if im in love, but i guess i'll realize it right? is it wrong if i go out and meet new guys and get to know them? do you think this is a big mistake because i don't want to loose him. Another reason i think is because he is my first serios boyfriend so i feel like i think im in love with him. you know? We broke up alredy about 4 times and they were all because of me. But this one is serious because i have to do this for myself. We left it in good terms. He said that in order for me to talk to him or see him i have to call him. The mistake he did before was that everytime i broke up with him, he kept chasing me and calling me and seeing me and that made it hard for me and thats why i went back out with him again. He also said that he's confident that we're going to be together again and thats why he's good right know. (i talked to him before) but he said that if im doing this for the bad reasons which is doing things he doesnt like, like hooking up with a lot of guys and he finds out then he wont get back with me. But in order for me to realize that he is the one i have to get to know and meet other guys. I think this is a break up, but he thinks its a break. He respects my decision of doing this because i do need space, he said.

So this happened last night because the topic came into the conversation and he knew something was bothering me so i just told him how i honestly felt and that's how it happened. It wasnt fair for him because he thinks that i do want to be with him forever because i always tell him what he wants to hear and not how i honestly felt. And i can't keep doing this to him, breaking up with him. So i think this is good for both of us, I think it'll actually make us stronger if we get back together. So did i make the right decision? Should i still see him once in a while and talk to him? Is it wrong if i meet other guys and hook-up? What should i do now?

Please help me. Thank You for your time.

I think you said it all yourself. You are not stable enough in this relationship and it won't do you or him any good to keep it up. Give him a clean break and a chance to grow. He needs help in gaining confidence in a partnership and you are not qualified to administer this help because you need to be busy leading your own life. It will give you both a chance to grow stronger, and who knows, maybe a few years from now you can both laugh about this. As far as seeing him once in a while - not now, retain the No Contact for both of your sakes. Don't rush into a rebound relationship because you'll have the same 'escape symptoms' if this other guy wants to get too close, so work on that first. Learn to live with yourself before you share any residual emotional garbage with someone who does not warrant it.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Jiser · Nov 15, 2007, 06:29 PM

Your 19. As said above he needs to learn how to be happy alone. I faced insecurity issues mainly due to her actions and the fall of my first relationship but we live and learn.

Clean break. No contact, perhaps you may want to say: Its best we don't speak for a while so we can learn to live alone.