Check out some similar questions!

erlobenauer · Nov 14, 2007, 06:09 AM

... So many of you have read my previous posts about how great my marriage was going, and so forth.

Today - my husband decided to - lets just say - put his hands on me again. I got him taken out of the house for a while, they told me they could get him counseling, and maybe both of us counseling. I Don't know if I should stick around to do it though.

Along with the abuse that's happened on more than just this occasion ( I TOLD HIM IF HE DID IT AGAIN I'D LEAVE ) I found out a few weeks ago, that he gave me something as a result from his affair ( that he claimed at one time was all just a joke ) I'm fine now, the medicine got rid of what it was, but its still the fact.

DO I STAY AND GO TROUGH COUNCELING - OR DO I CUT ALL TIES AND MOVE ON. I KNOW I Don't DESERVE THIS!

charlotte234s · Nov 14, 2007, 06:22 AM

If I were you, I'd up and leave him. Just my opinion though. It is dangerous to stay in a relationship with someone who puts their hands on you and gives you diseases, though, so please think about your safety.

I'm just saying that you're young and you DON'T deserve this, I think you could do better.

erlobenauer · Nov 14, 2007, 06:35 AM

Do I still have a right to be upset about the disease, if its gone now? I know it sounds like a stupid question, but part of me feels bad for being mad at hm and getting him in trouble

charlotte234s · Nov 14, 2007, 06:40 AM

OF COURSE you still have a right to be upset about getting a disease, it could have been anything, even something much worse like AIDS for all you know, he is endangering YOUR life with his cheating and disgusting ways.

charlotte234s · Nov 14, 2007, 06:41 AM

Maybe he doesn't' care about himself enough to wear a condom or whatever for protection, but he is playing russian roulette with your health and your LIFE when he brings home those diseases to you and doesn't even tell you about it. If he knew he had the disease and infected you anyway, that's illegal, it's also really cruel and wrong. Even if he didn't know, he should have realized that he was engaging in unsafe practices and not put you at risk.

erlobenauer · Nov 14, 2007, 06:43 AM

Yes, you're right. I asked him about wearing protection before, he's like no it doesn't matter anyway because she can't get pregnant, hahahaha. I wonder where his head is sometimes.

shygrneyzs · Nov 14, 2007, 06:44 AM

He did not feel bad when he put his hands on you and when he gave you a sexually transmitted disease. So, no, you should not feel bad about getting him removed from the home and for being upset about the STD. What if had been herpes, that is not curable? You did the right thing in getting him out of the home. Now concentrate on your own emotional and physical health. Go to counseling, make plans on your future. Contact an attorney about your legal options. Don't let him back in the home. If he does come back, then you go to a safe home - whether it be a relative, friend, etc. You need to be safe. Don't promise anything to him until you know your rights in the marriage - another good reason to contact an attorney.

Good luck to you.

charlotte234s · Nov 14, 2007, 06:45 AM

Personally, he just sounds like a dog, if you don't leave him, (which I think you should, but I can't live your life for you) at least don't have unprotected sex with him, (oral, vaginal, anal, anything) anymore because you know he is cheating with nasty people and has disease.

charlotte234s · Nov 14, 2007, 06:46 AM

I agree with shy, worry about yourself and your safety and health before you even think about him.

erlobenauer · Nov 14, 2007, 06:55 AM

Yeah, but he tells me its me - he tells me Im the one that's psycho and hits him ( HE HOLDS ME DOWN ON THE FLOOR OR THROWS ME AGAINST THE WALL AND Won't LET ME MOVE ) so I swing at him, not to hurt him, but in defense to get him off me, is that wrong?

bushg · Nov 14, 2007, 06:59 AM

Don't feel like you got him in trouble. He is doing this to himself. I know he wants you to believe that your to blame but that is just his sick mind trying not to be the bad one here.
You see if you are the bad person the one that causes him to do all of these bad things then there is no reason fro him to change. If he sees you buy into his way of thinking he will just keep it up.
Also my question is do they ever really change? Will it be like a merry go around from one behavior to another. I really hope your not sitting there in 5,10 15 years fom now and he is still abusing you in one way or another.
Honey please do what you need to in order to be safe both physically and mentally. Nobody deserves to be abused. Take care

bushg · Nov 14, 2007, 07:01 AM

He knows exactly what he is doing. He goads you into defending yourself so you'll be the bad one... he is very clever.

erlobenauer · Nov 14, 2007, 07:11 AM

Exactly. That's why I'm so scared ot do anything about it he always makes me to be the bad one. :(

I am leaving, I just don't know ifi should give him the chance after counseling or not

bushg · Nov 14, 2007, 07:18 AM

Erica find yurself a woman's support group, those ladies have been through everything. Most of the counselors have been in abusive relationships themselves. They can help you so much. If he is forcing anything on you, then you can not trust him to work on anything with him. You need to get counseling separately then maybe you can do it as a couple. We do not get involed or stay in abusive relationships for no reason. So that is what you have to figure out is why you have stayed and what role you are playing in all of this. Then maybe somewhere in the future you can make it as a couple, but making it as a couple has to be a joint effort.

erlobenauer · Nov 14, 2007, 07:23 AM

Is it wrong of me to not even want to make it.

I'm against divorce - I never wanted a divorce - but come on, I'm 23 - I've been through more in the past few years with him than most other people have. AHHH

bushg · Nov 14, 2007, 07:30 AM

No its not wrong of you... that is your choice. No one but you and he knows exactly what goes on. You do what is best for you. Don't let him guilt you into staying or coming back. The same goes for the rest of the do gooders, they do not have to live with him. But make sure you get some type of counseling and support.

donf · Nov 14, 2007, 10:29 AM

Erica,

You know from my previous responses that I not an advocate of divorce. However, your situation is my only hard exception.

No woman deserves to be used as a target or throw doll for a bully who wants to show you how much of a man he is not!

You need to take immediate steps to protect your children and yourself. Like other posters, I suggest that you prosecute your husband for assault just as fast as you can.

You have two problems. Your basic safety and that of your children. The secondary problem is that every shot you take that is seen by your little ones is teaching them that this the way it should be.

I wish you the very best but please protect yourself!

charlotte234s · Nov 14, 2007, 10:54 AM

If he lays his hands on you in any rough way, that's HIM being a psycho, no matter what you do you do not warrant abuse like that and you are 100% ABSOLUTELY RIGHT to defend yourself. I'm hoping that for your own safety you take my advice and get as far away from this scumbag as you can. It's not you, you're not psycho, it's him and he's psycho if he thinks it's okay to hit you or smack you around or anything like that.

charlotte234s · Nov 14, 2007, 10:55 AM

That's true too, if you have children who see this abuse or hear it or anything, they may grow up thinking it's okay and end up being abused or becoming an abuser, and if he would hit you, he may hurt your children.

erlobenauer · Nov 15, 2007, 01:15 AM

So some people came over to talk to me yesterday and asked if I would be willing to give THEM the chance and my husband the chance to change completey through counseling and anger classes - I said I would... I know if he wanted to change he could... I have to go with him next Wednesday to talk with someone, but... this decision is really really hard.