[asubaseball]

Possibly I am being silly in even asking but I am having a real hard time trying to derive signs I'm getting from this girls at school. For the majority of my time in college I was in a committed relationship and now that it is over I'm out meeting more women and getting acclimated to single life, something I haven't experienced in a very long time and am getting adjusted to. Anyway, on a trip to cali a few weeks ago one of the girls we were there with randomly saw other friends of hers from school there, so we all hung out for that night, didn't talk much as me and my boys were off doing our own things but the next day while all my friends stayed an extra night I had to fly home. Somehow the group of girls from the night before were on my flight with me, so I started in on one girl and we talked to whole ride home and made plans to hang out sometime back at school. Nothing happe ned right away and I didn't feel like coming across as pushy so I backed off and played it cool, about 3 weeks after the trip we all met up at bar, and before she even had time to get drunk this girl was all over me, punching me, tugging on my shirt, messing with my hat, etc. Therefore I figured obviously there was attraction going on and next night I asked her for some sushi and saki, she couldn't go cause she had a paper to write, which was OK cause I had my own work to finish, but she came back with an invitation for some coffee and to meet up in the library to work on our stuff. So I went with it and we had a good night, about as much fun as you can have doing homework I guess, end of the night was kind of a 'hey I'l talk to you later, we'll all go do something sometime' comment, I didn't even try and make a play to kiss her goodnight or anythign like that, just wasn't the situation at the time... but I would consider that a good night but it wasn't filled with the interaction from the night before, and I didn't want to keep pushing (my first mistake I suppose). However, like I said I'm just trying to play it cool. Anyway, the question is, do I give it some time and make a play for her again to go out or do I sit back and wait for her to come to me based on the night we were all out and the obvious signals?

[DJ 'H']

It sounds to me like this girl really likes you and is hesitating because you are playing so cool.

My boyfriend Pete and I live next door to each other and did exactly what you are doing with this girl for months. It was only when I saw him out one night and plucked up the courage to tell him I liked him that things actually went somewhere. It turned out he knew I liked him and he felt the same way.

A lot of the footing around is down to fear of rejection etc; but it's also because you feel nervous and get the butterfiles in your stomach which is brilliant. That's the sign that tells you when you really like someone.

My advice to you is go for it; at the end of the day you have nothing to lose and life is way to short. That is the motto I went with when I told Pete I liked him. We are so happy together.

On another level you need to know where you stand and if she feels the same otherwise you will drive yourself nuts.

Keep me posted and let me know how you get on; if I can be any more help just let me know.

Goodluck!

[Wildcat21]

Women today don't want dinner right away when they are prospecting for a potential date - they want to hang out for a drink or coffee. Take it slow... with this one. She probably wants more than just a one nighter - obviously.

DJ 'H' gave great advise.

[s_cianci]

Give it some time and continue to play it cool. Don't "make a play for her" - that sounds way too pushy but wait a while and see if she comes to you. If not, then you can contact her but keep it light - no pressure. Invite her out for a drink and have fun with her. Remember , it's not like you need a girlfriend ; you have a life and a busy one at that. You're a popular guy so you're going to make her want to spend time with you .

[fredg]

Hi,
I agree with the answer about waiting for her to make the next move.
She is the one who was "coming on" to you, and this is something that she should follow up with herself; if she is really interested in you.
I would give it some time, and not be contacting her. It could have been just one of those friendly things.
If she is interested in you, more than just a friend, she will, in some way, let you know.
Best of luck.

[DJ 'H']

fredg & s_cianci I agree with in a way. I made a move on Pete in the end (because one of us had to) and it took me 6 months to do so.

If you are happy to and can be patient, then I am sure this girl will do just as I did. But on the other hand if you don't want to lose out on any time with this girl then I would suggest you make the move. I wish I had made a move on Pete a lot sooner than I did.

I asked Pete once what would have happened if I had not made the move and told him how I felt and he replied "nothing". He and I would not be together now if it had not been for me. Sometimes people are either too shy or too scared to come forward and say how they really feel.

I have every faith you will do what you feel it right. But I always follow my instincts; I suggest you follow yours - they are never wrong!