[sdc719]

My husband and I do not have a consecutive sex life, but there are the says that I'm all fired up. Most days I don't want anything to do with him that could lead to sex. Lately I panic when we kiss, cuddle on the couch, and hold hands. It's like all the affection has run out of my body. My husband thinks I'm being hateful but I just don't want to be close lately. We have two children and I go to school fulltime but I don't know what's going on. We have plenty of time together while the kids are at school. Any suggestions?

[jbarrington]

The short answer is that periods of great stress and feelings of being overwhelmed can affect people and their feelings.

Now, the question is what thing or things are causing the stress. Your classes? His job? Your children? Your husband? Your family? His family? Money issues? Unknown health issues?

If it’s him that is the single source of the stress, then it’s almost like a mixed message. Sort of like a “I want him, but I don’t WANT him”

Since you mentioned that you are “fired up”, It sounds more like the other days could be a “I NEED him, but I don’t WANT him, but I don’t know how to tell him or tell him what’s wrong in my life today.”

With the school and kids, perhaps it’s that you feel like on certain days that everyone in the world is wanting something from you, or wanting another piece of you, and when your husband approaches you, you have the feeling that it’s just another person in line wanting something from you.

If this is the case, it should be a simple case of just telling him kindly that you need a secure hug. A long, wrap-around (standup) hug that only reassures and that isn’t going to lead to something else. Tell him roughly but kindly that you are feeling overwhelmed at that moment, and that the hug represents a moment where you are getting something from someone else and that they are not getting anything in return. Request from him a few things that could help lead to releasing the feelings of stress or being overwhelmed.

You could see your doctor with help with the stress, or you could take over the counter vitamins that are heavy in stress relievers. I take one daily “Super B” vitamin, and a two GABA supplements an hour before bed. The Super B is something that I purchased at Walmart and it really helps. The GABA is a natural mood relaxer that be purchase at GNC. GABA is good during the day, but is great at night towards relaxing you for sleep.