[hisonlymom]

In the end its no ones choice but yours. I got pregnant when I was 16 and now I have a beautiful 5 month old son. I won't lie, its hard sometimes but I wouldn't change it for the world. He has made my life whole. Because of him I am finishing school and taking courses for nursing. Maybe our situations are different but my son has made me a better person today. I used to not care about anything but now its all about making it better for him. If your boyfriend doesn't want to keep the baby, that's his opinion but no one can make you give that gift away, but you.

[ScottGem]

In the end its no ones choice but yours. I got pregnant when i was 16 and now i have a beautiful 5 month old son. I wont lie, its hard sometimes but i wouldnt change it for the world. He has made my life whole. Because of him i am finishing school and taking courses for nursing. maybe our situations are different but my son has made me a better person today. I used to not care about anything but now its all about making it better for him. If your boyfriend doesnt want to keep the baby, thats his opinion but no one can make you give that gift away, but you.

The only thing I would like to point out here is that your post indicates that you have a strong support group behind you that is allowing you to finish school and develop a career. This is an important aspect in the decision to have and keep a child.

[sdc719]

I am 15 years old and about to have a baby,but my boyfriend wants me to put the baby up for adoption but I don't know if i should.
I personally don't think its a good idea and I really don't want to,but he keeps telling me I have to.
I understand that hes not ready for a baby and nither am I but its just something I feel really bad about.
What should I do?

Chica if you abortion is against your values then do what your gut tells you. That's a miracle inside of you.. that's a piece of you! I'm not telling you what to do but I was a mother @ 16yrs old and I'm living proof that if need be you can do it alone. It is going to be hard though. Your boyfriend is very selfish and is only thinking of himself and just to let you know hunny there are programs that will help you along the way. Its what the welfare system is designed for. Continue with your education and use the resources out there to get you on your feet. A child is a blessing from GOD. Another tip is that once your baby is born make sure you file for child support... whether he wants anything to do with your child he owes that money to the child. And if he tries to be slick and give up rights he is still required to pay child support. You can do it and you will meet someone one day who will respect you and love you as well as your child. I have struggled for nearly 4 years and now it is paying off... I'm about to be married to my best friend and will soon be graduating with a degree in Health Information Management and we are becoming financially stable. But you know something, things have a funny way of working out. You never know though, he may have a change of heart once he sees your adorable bundle of joy! Babies have that affect on people. So take care.

[mongoose102860]

I am 15 years old and about to have a baby,but my boyfriend wants me to put the baby up for adoption but I don't know if i should.
I personally don't think its a good idea and I really don't want to,but he keeps telling me I have to.
I understand that hes not ready for a baby and nither am I but its just something I feel really bad about.
What should I do?

He was ready for sex but not responsibility. Sounds like he needs his walking papers. Do not do what he wants, you do what you wants and that you feel is right. But of course make him pay for his selfishness.

[hassanyusufmian]

Dear soet626,
Truth to be told,I am against the fact that anyone would be willing to give up their child.you admit that you made the mistake but now that your child is going to be a living breathing human being it is your responsibility as a mother to protect and care for him as it is the biological parents only who can best love and nurture their children.and if you do give him up,you will always carry an unexplainable emptiness and worry about him and his present state.who says that he won't come looking after you after he matures?everyone wants to know their roots.you should continue with your education and take up a job as soon as you complete it and care for your child as well,instead of handing it over to your parents completely.however,you might have to sacrifice a part of your social life and even have to go into celibacy for your child's sake.someday you might find a man who would love you and be much better than that non-fatherly 'boyfriend' of yours and except you two as his familly.after you have your child you may not regret bringing him into this world and wouldn't even think of letting go of him.I just hope you make the right decision.GOOD LUCK!

[Miss Sparkle]

If you want to keep the baby then you should not let your boyfriend bully you into giving it up for adoption. It will be tough to bring up a child at such a young age but kids can bring you so much joy. Do what you want to do and what is the best decision for yourself and your child x

[Synnen]

Do you people READ?

She has already posted that she is keeping her baby.

Read the entire thread before responding, please.

And hassanyusufmian -- some of us made the best choice we could for our CHILD when we chose adoption. You weren't in our shoes, don't judge us for what was the hardest thing most of us ever had to do.

[ScottGem]

truth to be told,i am against the fact that anyone would be willing to give up their child.you admit that you made the mistake but now that your child is going to be a living breathing human being it is your responsibility as a mother to protect and care for him as it is the biological parents only who can best love and nurture their children.!

This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen here. To state that only the bio parents can best love and nurture their children shows a total ignorance of the realities of life. This site is full of posts about fathers and even mothers who have abandoned and/or abused their children. The biological act of givingbirth does NOT guarantee a good parent.

Giving a child upfor adoption is one of the single most acts of love a parent can give a child. It recognizes the parent's lack of maturuity and ability to provide a good life for that child.

Yes, not everyone should choose adoption, just as not everyone should parent a child. I strongly suggest you do some more research before giving such poor advice.

And an aside to sdc719, malin20, mongoos102860, hassanyusufmian and Miss Sparkle. PLEASE at least scan through the whole thread before responding. As Synnen pointed out the thread was resolved previously.

[hassanyusufmian]

And hassanyusufmian -- some of us made the best choice we could for our CHILD when we chose adoption. You weren't in our shoes, don't judge us for what was the hardest thing most of us ever had to do.

It seems as if you and scottGem misunderstood what I have said.you say that it was the hardest thing you had to do and I said the same thing and I wasn't judjing anyone!

I said'and if you do give him up,you will always carry an unexplainable emptiness and worry about him and his present state'

AND I NEVER SAID THAT PARENTS WHO GIVE UP THEIR KIDS ARE INHUMAN!AND YOU BLINDLY THINK I HAVE INSULTED YOU.:mad: BEFORE TELLING OTHERS TO 'SCAN THE THREAD' DO IT YOURSELF FIRST.

ScottGem,I don't exactly know how people treat their kids in the West so our views concerning parental love are completely different.what I do not understand is that first you say that bio-parents nedd not love their kids but then you say that5 giving up one's kid is the single-most act of love.clarify please!however I am strictly against adoptions that take place when the parents are still alive or too poor.God!just imagine finding out that the poorly are depositing their babies on your doorsteps daily.YOU GAVE BIRTH TO THEM.LIVE WITH THEM.if the parents are dead then adoption should occur but widescale adoption can lead to many problems such as property tussles(the most common).this site is for unplanned mothers
Unplanned Pregnancy, A Mother's Song

FOR PEOPLE THINKING OF GIVING UP THEIR KIDS;
Open Adoption - The Truth about Open Adoption
AND
Anti-Adoption

[ScottGem]

scottGem,i don't exactly know how people treat their kids in the West so our views concerning parental love are completely different.

Well first you don't indicate where you are from. I do understand there may be cultural differences involved here. But that doesn't change certain facts. Some people are not cut out to be parents. People forced to be parents by culture and other factorsmake worse parents. You talk about misunderstanding, but the only one I see misunderstanding is you. You made it clear that you are against a bio parent giving up their child for adoption and that the bio parents are the only ones who can best love their children. I think that's a ridiculous standpoint and ignores a lot of factual evidence. I never said that bio parents need not love their kids only that some don't.

And no one insulted you. And as for Synnen's point about scanning the thread first, he was saying that the original post has already been resolved so there was no point in continuing to give advice on it.

[Synnen]

From Scott: And as for Synnen's point about scanning the thread first, he was saying that the original post has already been resolved so there was no point in continuing to give advice on it.

She, tyvm :)

I've been reading this thread since the beginning, actually, so I don't really need to scan it to know what's going on.

As far as clarification, hassanyusufmian --SOME parents become parents because of pressure to do so--they hear (from people much like you, I might add) that you can't POSSIBLY love your child if you choose adoption, because only people who are dead or too poor would EVER choose it. The prevailing attitude among most people is that adoption is better than killing your child (or choosing to abort) but you must be flawed somehow if you want to not parent. That's simply not true. Many people that choose adoption choose so because it is the best thing they can do for their CHILD, and possibly the best they can do for themselves at the time as well.

The web sites you linked are skewed--they are the horror stories of adoption, not the success stories. I agree that there is an emptiness there forever--but it doesn't HAVE to be an awful thing.

Rather than trying to get rid of adoption, why don't you work to clarify adoption laws, to change peoples' views on adoption, to stop coercion and marketing of adoption as a perfect solution, to work to make enforcible contracts between adoptive parents and birth parents, to make pre- and post-adoption counseling MANDATORY for birth families? Why not make it so that people actually understand how different adoption is today than it was 20 years ago?

I miss my daughter every day--but I can't EVER say that I regret choosing adoption for her. She's MUCH happier and healthier with her family than I would have been able to give her, especially since I was still in high school at the time.

While I agree that coercion is still rampant in the adoption arena, and that lies can be and are told--I also believe that adoption can be and is a good choice for many people. Your attitude of hate of the adoption system is as damaging as the "honeymoon" stories you hear from women in the early years of adoption.

While this may be a difference in culture--don't post ONLY skewed viewpoints. I have a good adoption story, and I can tell you of others. Don't push being a parent the way so many push adoption.

It's an individual choice--NOT a war. What may have been good for you, isn't good for another person. Don't come storming in and tell me and others how horrible adoption is to the birth parent--I *am* a birthmother, and I've lived with that for 15 years now.

AND--the situation was already resolved by the time you posted. She chose to parent.

[Fr_Chuck]

I am adopted and I have a son ( most likely my closest son of my older boys who is adopted. Often as in my bio parents case, she was yonng, and he was a soldier who did not want to stay around to be a father. So for me, I had a great life and my "real" parents are my adoptive parents and always will be.

So often adoption is the best thing for many children, not the best for all parents not the best for all children, but it is and should always be a option that can be best when it is best.

[Kasinda]

You are still a child yourself. Having sex and a baby does not make you an adult. I'm not sure about your financial situation but it's a lot of money to raise a child. I'm sure you know that, but there is a lot of stress involved also. And at 15 you are not yet able to handle that. Mistakes are made but this can be a good life lesson. Adoption is hard but you need to consider your babies' future. And forget about the boyfriend.

[ciaobella]

I am 15 years old and about to have a baby,but my boyfriend wants me to put the baby up for adoption but I don't know if i should.
I personally don't think its a good idea and I really don't want to,but he keeps telling me I have to.
I understand that hes not ready for a baby and nither am I but its just something I feel really bad about.
What should I do?

Honey you need to be sure before you put the baby up for adoption because once it is in the system you can't change your mind. I understand that you are very young and maybe not ready for a baby but so was I. once you become a mum you mature and natural mother instinct kicks in. don't give the baby up because he says so you need to think about what is best for your baby not him I can't tell you what to do but I really think you should gives this a lot of thought before you do anything

[Synnen]

honey you need to be sure before you put the baby up for adoption cos once it is in the system you can't change your mind. i understand that you are very young and maybe not ready for a baby but so was i. once you become a mum you mature and natural mother instinct kicks in. dont give the baby up cos he says so u need to think about what is best for your baby not him i can't tell you what to do but i really think you should gives this alot of thought before you do anything

This was resolved quite some time back.

Please check dates and read the ENTIRE thread before posting.

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

You need to listen to your heart. Giving a child up to adoption is a sacrifice for many birth mothers. It can also be a blessing for the child. And make a childless couple Mom and Dad. Many birth mothers demand open adoption upon relinquishment. But once relinquished, it is usually up to the adoptive parents if an actual "open" communication is maintained between natural and adoptive parents. Please get support in this very personal choice for or against. With either decision, you will need guidance. You can call the Department of Social Services. Please don't let anyone tell you what to do. You can take everyone's advice, but it is you and you alone that will have to live with your decision in the future. I read the rest of the thread after posting a initial response. Sorry for that. I realize that you have made the decision to keep the baby. You are very young and please ensure a good support system for yourself and your child's future.

[KalFour]

Hi,
I'm glad to hear you've made a decision, and from the sound of things, it's one you're happy with. Have you thought of a name for your little boy yet?
You've got a difficult road ahead of you, nobody will think otherwise, but you've obviously thought and prepared for the future. I wish you all the best.
I've known a few people who were adopted, some turned out wonderfully, others have had a hard start in life. And likewise I've known a few teen parents, and seem some of their kids flourished, while others have struggled. Either way, there's no way to be a perfect parent and pick an ideal future for your baby, the best you can do is try.
I'm glad to hear you'll be continuing on with school. It'll be a struggle at first, but will pay off in the long run. And that must mean your family is willing to support you, right? If you need more support - financial, emotional, childcare etc - there are plenty of programs that should be able to help you out.
How old is the father? Have you talked to him much about your decision? Does he want to be involved in the baby's life?
I wish you all the best for the future. Send us another post when the baby comes.

Kal

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

soet626,
Here is a link that may help you in the future.
Keeping Your Child and Making it Work