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Terri Diegel · Nov 6, 2007, 06:14 PM

My husband of 10yrs and I had some relationship problems in the very beginning resulting from his drinking and control issues.(he now doesn't drink) He and his sister ran to his father and step mother, telling them what a terrible person I was and of course made me out as the bad guy. As a result... his father and step mother do not except me and my 2 children from prev. marriage. My husband will meet his father for dinner or golf. His father recently gave the grandchildren $10,000 each toward college. My kids of course got nothing. Never a birthday card or holiday gifts. My question is... I feel its my husbands responsibility to clear this problem up and let his father know he does not accept his wife and step children being treated this way. I feel, why should he have a relationship with his father when he can't accept his family. I feel betrayed at times and feel like I'm enabling this to happen to myself and children. My husband has been in my kids life since they were very young. We have no children of our own. I feel like his father is getting his cake and eating it too since he still socializes with his son. Its like I come second and if this were my parents, I would resolve the issues and if they wouldn't accept my spouse and kids, I would tell them it will effect our relationship as well.
Thanks for listening

charlotte234s · Nov 6, 2007, 10:17 PM

My father's parents were the same way to my mother and my sister and I. It's wrong and your husband NEEDS TO STAND UP FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS. If he is a father figure to your children, he should also care enough to stand up for them because if he does not your children may grow up to resent or maybe even hate (as I do) their own grandparents, or step-grandparents in your case. If he will not stand up for you and the children to his parents, perhaps you need to talk to him about cutting the apron strings because that is ridiculous.

Terri Diegel · Nov 7, 2007, 05:33 AM

Thank you... I told him this last night and he refuses to talk to me about it, saying his dad is hard to talk to. He is also afraid to upset him because he says his dad will cut him out of his will, ($300,000+). Is that a reason not confront him?

NowWhat · Nov 7, 2007, 07:29 AM

Have you ever tried to talk to them? What is the relationship like now with your SIL?
If he can't or won't talk to his dad - then maybe you should. What do you have to lose?

Terri Diegel · Nov 7, 2007, 08:12 AM

Hi, Neither one of us have a relationship with the sister. She talks and gossips about everyone so we decided to stay away. In the beginning I wrote a letter to his father and mother in law explaining that they were only hurting his relationship with his son and I got no response from them. They are all, NOT NICE people on both sides of my husbands family... it really stinks. I'm wondering if I should just keep my mouth shut and let them have there monthly dinners and let my husband get his inheritance in the end? ( if there is any)Thanks for listening:-)

NowWhat · Nov 7, 2007, 08:17 AM

Well, you have to decide why it bothers you? I have NO relationship with my FIL and that is fine with me. He doesn't come into my mind at all. I feel like he is doing me a favor. I don't want to subject my daughter to his lifestyle and he is not a nice person.

I don't know if your husband is putting his dad ahead of you. This is still his father and he should have a relationship with him. It's sad that this guy can't be accepting of his son's family - but that is really his problem - not yours. HE is missing out on seeing his son as a father and missing out on great kids. His loss.

Terri Diegel · Nov 7, 2007, 08:58 AM

You have been very helpful! I think the only time he pops into my head is when I'm board with nothing to do, so I'm going to get busy and forget about it. Its not like my husband puts him first because the relationship is limited. It just bugs me from time to time. I have to realize that not everything is going to be fair in this world. You seem like such a nice person to talk with. Its always helpful to get an outsiders opinion. Email me anytime to chat.
Thanks a bunch!